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The Benny Hill Show (TV Series 1969–1989) Poster

(1969–1989)

Quotes

Housewife: No, I'm wearing black for my poor, departed husband.

Milkman: Oh... how long's he been gone?

Housewife: Ten minutes. He won't be back till 1.

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Nicholas Parsons: Are Thames executives against attractive nude women?

Fred Scuttle: Not as often as they'd like to be!

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[Andree Melly talks to Mervyn Cruddy at the N.F.T]

Andree Melly: I think for me, the most memorable moment in films was when you played the doctor to that sick family.

Mervyn Cruddy: "Inherit the Wind." Yes, I remember.

Andree Melly: Opposite Margaret Lockwood's nurse . . .

Mervyn Cruddy: That's right. Yes, I know what you're going to say, the scene in the operating theatre.

Andree Melly: That's the scene. You kissed her when she least expected it.

Mervyn Cruddy: I beg your pardon?

Andree Melly: You kissed her when she least expected it.

Mervyn Cruddy: Oh, I thought you said 'where'.

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Mervyn Cruddy: I don't care what anybody says, you know, about these common-market Romeos, for my money the greatest lover in the world is the Englishman.

Andree Melly: Well, surely it's the Frenchman who has that reputation, the way he'll kiss a girls hand, and then her cheek, her neck, and then here ears...

Mervyn Cruddy: By that time, the Englishman's coming home from his honeymoon, I'd say!

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Blanche: Drink and sex. That's what killed your uncle - drink and sex!

Harry: Yeah. He couldn't get either, so he shot himself.

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Director Sam Speiler: [reminiscing about an actress who was in one of his films] Oh God, she couldn't sing, she couldn't dance, she couldn't act . . .

Lesley Goldie: Well, what could she do?

Director Sam Speiler: With difficulty, stand up!

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Traveller: I say, is this Platt's Bottom?

Toddy: No, it's not, it's mine!

Traveller: Well, where do I find Platt's Bottom?

Toddy: Well, you don't start from there!

Traveller: Well, which direction is it?

Toddy: I don't know.

Paddy: Me neither.

Traveller: You're not very bright, are you?

Chirpy Chuckles: No, but we ain't lost!

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Sheriff Bill Jardine: Hey, do we know Ace Dickey?

Deputy Leroy: Yeah. Did five years for statutory rape.

Sheriff Bill Jardine: Why now, anybody who rapes a statue deserves what he gets!

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Henry McGee: [referring to Scuttle's fellow astronaut] How old is he?

Captain Fred Scuttle: Fifty-eight. He's a late developer.

Henry McGee: He looks older.

Captain Fred Scuttle: Well, he worries a lot.

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Fanny Craddock: But first of all, we must put in just a little tiny spot of absinthe.

Johnny Craddock: 'Cause absinthe makes the heart grow fonder!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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