The Shakiest Gun in the West (1968)
[On his dream of opening a dress shop]
Pop: Just because I'm rough 'n' dirty 'n' don't wear underwear, doesn't mean I'm not artistic.
Jesse Heywood: [very drunk and slurring] I got on a romance track. Then I got on a gunslinger's track. I gotta get back on that dentist's track!
[looks at the saloon girl, who is passed out with her head on the table]
Jesse Heywood: Go ahead and laugh! Laugh all you like! I'm not a failure. I'm a dentist, a REAL dentist! And I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna spread dental health through the West like a plague!
[throws his arm out and falls down drunk]
Jesse Heywood: I can't believe it. Tonight's our wedding night. In a few hours we'll stop, make camp, have a little supper, then... beddy-bye.
Jesse Heywood: I'm in teeth. And I came out here all the way from Philadelphia, single-handed, to fight oral ignorance.
Jesse Heywood: [drunk] Failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure. That's the story of my life, you know. Two things have always been my downfall - I have always been the most failure of anybody, and I'm too thin.
Saloon Girl: [drunk] But I don't think you're too thin.
Jesse Heywood: Ah, it's all bloat. Bloated thin failure! That's me.
[waggles both of his thumbs at himself]
Saloon Girl: I think you're wonderful. I just love a man that can't make his mark in life.
Jesse Heywood: Uhuh Penny, uhuh Penny, she's really something, you know that?
[looks at saloon girl questioningly]
Saloon Girl: [nods affirmatively] Uhuh.
Jesse Heywood: You know she used me. She tricked me.
Jesse Heywood: She made me think that she loved me.
Saloon Girl: [shakes her head sympathetically] Ohhh...
Jesse Heywood: I should have known better.
Jesse Heywood: Nobody ever loved me. Did you know I had to take my own cousin to the graduation dance?
Saloon Girl: [shakes her head sympathetically and tearfully] Ohhhhhhhhhh...
Jesse Heywood: I threw up on her dress.
Saloon Girl: [slurring] You are really my kind of guy.
Penelope 'Bad Penny' Cushings: You know something? You're a lot spunkier than I thought you were.
Jesse Heywood: I get that from my mother.
Jesse Heywood: [to the barkeep] Brush your dentist twice a day, visit your toothbrush once a year.