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Inspector Clouseau (1968) Poster

Quotes

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: There is a time to laugh and a time not to laugh, and this is not one of them.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: My face! You've stolen my face! Give me back my face, you fiend!

Commissioner Sir Charles Braithwaite: I think it only fair to say that your being brought in on this case was not my idea.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You are too modest.

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I shall let that pass, since you cannot possibly know whose leg it is that you are pushing.

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes, well, life is not all shoot-shoot, bang-bang, you know.

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Commissioner Sir Charles Braithwaite: [clutching a bottle of wine just ruined by Clouseau] I've nursed this bottle since Dunkirk.

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Meg: Do you know something about machinery?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I don't know something about machinery, I know everything about machinery.

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Julie: [to Clouseau] I love the way you eat... like a jungle animal.

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Lt. Lisa Morrel: Hey, what about the crooks?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The crooks never sleep and neither does Clouseau.

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Police despatcher: [on police radio] That's our final report. Over and out.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Roger and goodbye.

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Reporter: Could you give us a statement please?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes. Chocolate makes one very thirsty.

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [shouting] You'll soon be laughing at the other side of my face, my friend!

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I ruin everything I touch.

Lt. Lisa Morrel: Hey, what's the matter with you?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [close to tears] Arrested twice, I destroy a phone booth at a railroad station... I steal from a nun, I don't know my own face. A man comes up to me with, with my own face tied on, I don't recognize who it is. I don't... I don't deserve to have this autographed picture of Sean Connery!

[takes a picture from back pocket and tears it apart]

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [parachuting out of a plane] Kurosawa!

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Commissioner Sir Charles Braithwaite: You must trust no one. The viper in our bosom could be anyone.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I suspect everyone!

Commissioner Sir Charles Braithwaite: You will report only to me.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And what makes you think I trust you?

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And now since we are becoming so chummy, perhaps you can tell me about the Great Train Robbery.

Addison Steele: I don't know nothing!

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: He who don't know nothing, must know something, eh?

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The crooks never sleep and neither does Closeeau!

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I don't deserve to have this autographed picture of Sean Connery!

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Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Anonymity is a virtue. Every fool knows thar. Anonymity's next to cleanliness and I don't have to tell you what that's next to.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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