Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)
Caracticus Potts: How was India?
Grandpa: India? I'll tell you something. I got up this morning and I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
Grandpa: You've heard it before.
[they all laugh]
Jeremy: I'm so glad you came. It's much more fun with two grown-ups.
Jemima: Truly Scrumptious. You know, even if we didn't know your name, we could have guessed it.
Truly Scrumptious: Oh?
Jemima: You had to be called something lovely.
Jeremy: Like Yum-Yum!
Jemima: Or Angel Cake!
Jeremy: Or Toot Sweets!
Jemima: Yeah, Toot Sweets!
Truly Scrumptious: [laughs] Or Toot Sweets! Oh, no!
Caracticus Potts: Well, maybe my children like running wild in the street. Did that ever occur to you?
Caracticus Potts: Confounded woman! Who does she think she is? Coming in here and telling me how to raise my children! Do I need somebody to tell me how to raise my children? Do I? Hm? No, of course not. Of course not! Hm-hm. Where's my, uh, cardigan?
Jemima: Under your jacket.
Caracticus Potts: Under... Yes. Self-righteous busy body. Well, she won't be bothering us again.
Jemima: But I liked her.
Jeremy: So did I. She was very pretty.
Caracticus Potts: She certainly was. Do you think... Do you think your, uh, father's a... crackpot?
Jeremy: Your cardigan's inside out.
Caracticus Potts: Mm? Oh. Do you think I'm a lunatic, wasting my time on a lot of silly inventions?
Jemima: But they aren't silly! They're wonderful!
Jeremy: Nobody else can think of them.
Caracticus Potts: That's right! That is right! Nobody else can think of them.
[the two spies are thrown off the baron's blimp and into the sea]
Second Spy: What do we do now?
First Spy: Start swimming!
Second Spy: I can't swim!
First Spy: Then start drowning!
[the First Spy swims away]
Caracticus Potts: Truly! Heh, I'm sorry about the children. I hope they didn't embarrass you.
Truly Scrumptious: In what way?
Caracticus Potts: Why, that silly joke about us getting married. Well, you know what kids are like.
Truly Scrumptious: Oh, yes. I understand.
Caracticus Potts: I mean, I don't think they realize how ridiculous that would be.
Truly Scrumptious: Ridiculous?
Caracticus Potts: Well, yes. I mean, you live in that big house and... your father and the factory and all. It's... it's a different world, Truly.
Truly Scrumptious: You know, if I said something like that, you'd... you'd call me a snob.
Caracticus Potts: Well, look, I-I didn't mean...
Truly Scrumptious: Goodbye!
Truly Scrumptious: Wh-what are you going to do?
Caracticus Potts: I'm going to carry you.
Truly Scrumptious: Oh... oh, dear. Must you?
Caracticus Potts: Well, unless you'd rather ride piggyback.
Truly Scrumptious: What's your name?
Jemima: I'm Jemima.
Jeremy: And I'm Jeremy.
Jemima: What's yours?
Truly Scrumptious: Truly.
Jemima: That's a very pretty name.
Truly Scrumptious: Now, where is your house?
Jeremy: Oh, we don't live in a house.
Jemima: We live in the castle on top of the hill.
Truly Scrumptious: [laughs] A castle? I didn't know there were any castles around here.
Jemima: Well, it isn't a castle exactly.
Jeremy: That's what Daddy calls it. He says King Alfred used to live there hundreds of years ago.
Truly Scrumptious: And does your Daddy know you aren't in school?
Jemima: Oh, he won't mind. He never does.
Jeremy: Anyway, he's awful busy.
Truly Scrumptious: Is he? Well, he'll have to find time to see me because I have a few things to say to him.
Truly Scrumptious: [referring to helping the children] It's a beautiful dream Caractacus, but... I don't see how it's gonna help them.
[Truly looks at the children around them and Caractacus stands up]
Caracticus Potts: [confident] Do you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna get up into that castle!
Toymaker: [incredulous] It is impossible!
Caracticus Potts: [confident] Well, we'll see.
[Caractacus runs up to a large water channel and looks at the children watching]
Caracticus Potts: [loud and clear] Now, everybody listen to me! You wanna get out of here, don't you?
[the children cheer and Caractacus moves behind the water channel]
Caracticus Potts: [loud and clear] Tomorrow is Baron Bomburst's birthday, yes?
[the children boo with their thumbs down]
Caracticus Potts: [proud and confident] Well, we're gonna give him a birthday party he'll never forget!
[the children cheer and gather around as Caractacus makes the plan]
Caracticus Potts: You'll find a slight squeeze on the hooter an excellent safety precaution, Miss Scrumptious.
Lord Scrumptious: Too late. Had your chance. Muffed it. Good morning.
Truly Scrumptious: Well! I've never been...
Caracticus Potts: Spoken to that way before? Well, maybe it's about time!
Truly Scrumptious: [after Potts kisses her] Well, Mr. Potts!
Caracticus Potts: What's the matter?
Truly Scrumptious: Now you'll HAVE to marry me!
[they laugh as they head for the car]
Caracticus Potts: And so, after that, Vulgaria became a free country, and all the children laughed and played in the sunshine, and they were very, very happy. And Chitty flew high over the mountains back to England, everybody safe and sound, and...
Jemima: And Daddy and Truly were married.
Jeremy: And lived happily ever after.
Truly Scrumptious: Is that how this story ends?
Caracticus Potts: [pauses] It's getting late. We better get back.
[Caractacus gets out to restart the car]
Grandpa: [reading a book out loud] And the big brown bear came lolloping over the mountain. 'No, no!' the princess cried.
Child Catcher: [threatening the toy maker] The Baroness will have your teeth for a necklace, and your eyeball for earrings.
Truly Scrumptious: Is that all you do, Mr. Potts, invent things?
Childcatcher: I don't trust a man who makes toys in a land where children are forbidden.
Baron Bomburst: [a volice over the portable radio transmitter] Jawohl?
First Spy: This is "X" speaking.
[faint squealing static]
Baron Bomburst: Shrecks?
First Spy: "X"!
Baron Bomburst: Lex?
First Spy: [becoming pompously frustrated that his own accomplice can't remember/understand who he is] EX! As in...
[feverishly tries to think of a suitable word to use as an example of pronunciation]
Second Spy: [hastily offering a helpful suggestion] Eggs and bacon.
First Spy: [nodding in agreement] Eggs and BAY-KUHN! Send transport immediately!
Child Catcher: There are children here somewhere. I can smell them.
Caracticus Potts: Do you think Coggins might do a deal, so much a week?
Grandpa: Coggins? What, him down the road? Sure. He's so mean he wouldn't light your pipe if his house was on fire.
Truly Scrumptious: What an unusual car.
Jeremy: Daddy made it.
Truly Scrumptious: [laughs] Oh? And it actually goes?
Jemima: It's called Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Truly Scrumptious: That's a curious name for a motorcar.
Jemima: But that's the sound it makes. Listen.
First Spy: Now then, vhere are we?
Second Spy: I have here a map.
First Spy: [seizing the map] I know WHERE we are, stupid!
[throws down the map]
First Spy: We are in England! And vhen we are in England, what do we do?
Second Spy: We play cricket.
First Spy: We play cric... No! We dress like Englishmen!
First Spy: [dressed in an outfit that the English wore in India] Remarkable veather we are having for zhe time of zhe year, do you not think so, Cuthbort?
Second Spy: [dressed in the same outfit] Indubita-ba-bly, Basil.
Jemima: Please, Mr. Coggins! You can't sell our lovely car to that nasty man!
Baron Bomburst: [very frustrated] Dolls? Dolls? I have hundreds of dolls! Oh, no dolls.
Toymaker: But-but this is not just an ordinary doll, Your Excellency.
[winds the music box. scooting away]
Toymaker: You see?
Baron Bomburst: [talking over a comical-looking gramophone-style "morning-glory horn" loudspeaker that he lowers down to Grandpa Potts on a long scissor-link extension arm] Good morning. Thiz is your captain speaking. We hope you had a pleasant trip. In a few moments we will be landing in Vulgaria.
Baron Bomburst: Vul-GARE-ee-ah.
Baron Bomburst: So, please fasten your seatbelt, and no-o-o-o smoking. Thank you!
[starts to raise the speaker back up again]
Grandpa: Thank YOU.
Baron Bomburst: [obligingly lowering the loudspeaker again] You aaarrrre WELcome!
Peter: Sir, have you come to help us?
[Catactacus walks over to him]
Peter: Are you going to take us out of here?
[Catactacus kneels in front of him]
Caracticus Potts: What's your name, son?
Peter: Peter, sir.
Caracticus Potts: [kindly] Well, Peter, you shouldn't be afraid.
[Truly, the Toymaker and the children listen with interest]
Caracticus Potts: [kindly] Even in a terrible place like this, because there's always hope. That's what I always tell my children when they're... afraid.
Child Catcher: Let me tell you, toymaker. This nose of mine has never failed me, and if there ARE children here, my friend... you will die.
Lord Scrumptious: I suppose you blue-faced baboons have some explanation for this outrage!
Truly Scrumptious: Don't you know where we're going?
Caracticus Potts: No, I don't but... Chitty does. I think we're in pretty good hands.
Caracticus Potts: What are they staring at?
Truly Scrumptious: I don't know. It seems to be the children.
Caracticus Potts: Well, what's the matter with them? Haven't they seen children before?
Truly Scrumptious: Haven't you noticed? There AREN'T any children. Not one.