Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)
Caracticus Potts: How was India, Grandpa?
Grandpa: How was India? I'll tell you how India was. I got up this morning and I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
Grandpa: You've heard it before.
[they all laugh]
[the two spies are thrown off the baron's blimp and into the sea]
Second Spy: What do we do now?
First Spy: Start swimming!
Second Spy: I can't swim!
First Spy: Then start drowning!
[the First Spy swims away]
Jeremy: I'm so glad you came. It's much more fun with two grown ups.
Truly Scrumptious: [laughs]
Jemimah: Truly Scrumptious. You know, even if we didn't know your name, we could have guessed it.
Truly Scrumptious: Oh?
Jemimah: You had to be called something lovely.
Jeremy: Like Yum-Yum!
Jemimah: Or Angel Cake!
Jeremy: Or Toot Sweets!
Jemimah: Yeah, Toot Sweets!
Truly Scrumptious: [laughs] Or Toot Sweets! Oh no!
Caractacus Pott: Truly! I'm sorry about the children. I hope they didn't embarrass you.
Truly Scrumptious: In what way?
Caractacus Pott: Why, that silly joke about us getting married. Well, you know how kids are.
Truly Scrumptious: Yes, I understand.
Caractacus Pott: Wel, I don't think they realize how ridiculous that would be.
Truly Scrumptious: Ridiculous?
Caractacus Pott: Well, yes. Well, the factory, and your father and all. It's a different world, Truly.
Truly Scrumptious: You know, if I said something like that, you'd call me a snob.
Caractacus Pott: What? I didn't mean sn...
Truly Scrumptious: Goodbye!
Caractacus Pott: You'll find a slight squeeze on the hooter an excellent safety precaution, Miss Scrumptious.
Lord Scrumptious: Time's up. Had your chance. Muffed it. Good morning.
Childcatcher: I don't trust a man who makes toys in a land where children are forbidden.
Caracticus Potts: The nerve of that woman! Coming in here and telling me how to raise my children! Do I need someone telling me how to raise my children? Do I? Where is my cardigan?
Jemimah: Under your jacket.
Caracticus Potts: Under-.Yes. Self-righteous busy body. Well, she won't be bothering us anymore.
Jemimah: But I liked her.
Jeremy: So did I. She was very pretty.
Caracticus Potts: She certainly was. Do you think your father's a crackpot?
Jeremy: Your cardigan's inside out.
Caracticus Potts: What? Oh. Do you think your father's a lunatic? Wasting my time on a lot of silly inventions?
Jemimah: But they aren't silly! They're wonderful!
Jeremy: Nobody else can think of them.
Caracticus Potts: That's right! That is right! Nobody else can think of them.
Truly Scrumptious: What's your name?
Jemimah: I'm Jemima.
Jeremy: And I'm Jeremy.
Jemimah: What's yours?
Truly Scrumptious: Truly.
Jemimah: That's a very pretty name.
Truly Scrumptious: Now, where is your house?
Jeremy: Oh, we don't live in a house.
Jemimah: We live a castle. On top of a hill.
Truly Scrumptious: [laughs] A castle? I didn't know there were any castles around here.
Jemimah: Well, it isn't a castle exactly.
Jeremy: That's what Daddy calls it. He says King Alfred used to live there hundreds of years ago.
Truly Scrumptious: And does your Daddy know you aren't in school?
Jemimah: Oh, he won't mind. He never does.
Jeremy: Anyway, he's awful busy.
Truly Scrumptious: Is he? Well, he'll have to find time to see me because I have a few things to say to him.
Truly Scrumptious: [referring to helping the children] It's a beautiful dream Caractacus but, I don't see how it's gonna help them.
[Truly looks at the children around them and Caractacus stands up]
Caractacus Pott: [confident] You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna get up into that castle!
Toymaker: [incredulous] It is impossible!
Caractacus Pott: [confident] Well we'll see.
[Caractacus runs up to a large water channel and looks at the children watching]
Caractacus Pott: [loud and clear] Now everyone listen to me! You wanna get out of here, don't you?
[the children cheer and Caractacus moves behind the water channel]
Caractacus Pott: [loud and clear] Tomorrow is Baron Bomburst's Birthday, yes?
[the children boo with their thumbs down]
Caractacus Pott: [proud and confident] Well we're gonna give him a Birthday party he'll never forget!
[the children cheer and gather around as Caractacus makes the plan]
Child Catcher: There are children here somewhere. I can smell them.
Grandpa: Coggins? He's so mean he wouldn't light your pipe if his house was on fire.
Caractacus Pott: Do you think Coggins might do a deal, so much a week?
Grandpa: Coggins? That lives down the road? Sure. He wouldn't light your pipe if his house was on fire.
Caracticus Potts: Maybe my children like running wild in the street. Had that occured to you?
Truly Scrumptious: I've never been...
Caractacus Pott: Spoken to like that? Well, maybe it's about time!
Truly Scrumptious: [after Potts kisses her] Well, Mr. Potts!
Caractacus Pott: What's wrong?
Truly Scrumptious: Now you'll have to marry me!
[they laugh as they head for the car]
Truly Scrumptious: Wh-what are you going to do?
Caractacus Pott: I'm going to carry you.
Truly Scrumptious: Oh dear. Must you?
Caractacus Pott: Well, unless you'd rather ride piggyback.
Truly Scrumptious: What an unusual car.
Jeremy: Daddy made it.
Truly Scrumptious: [laughs] Oh? And it actually goes?
Jemimah: It's called Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Truly Scrumptious: That's a curious name for a motorcar.
Jemimah: But that's the sound it makes. Listen.
Caractacus Pott: And after that, Vulgaria became a free country and all the children laughed and played in the sunshine, and they were very, very happy. And Chitty flew high over the mountains back to England, everyone safe and sound, and...
Jemimah: And Daddy and Truly were married.
Jeremy: And lived happily ever after.
Truly Scrumptious: Is that how the story ends?
Caractacus Pott: [pauses] It's getting late. We'd better be getting back.
[Caractacus gets out to restart the car]
First Spy: Now then, where are we?
Second Spy: I have here, a map.
First Spy: [seizing the map] I know WHERE we are, stupid!
[throws down the map]
First Spy: We are in England! But when we are in England, what do we do?
Second Spy: We play cricket.
First Spy: We play cric- no! We dress like Englishmen!
First Spy: [dressed in an outfit that the English wore in India] Remarkable weather we are having for this time of year, do you not think so, Cuthbert?
Second Spy: [dressed in the same outfit] Indubita-ba-bly, Basil.
Grandpa: [reading a book out loud] And the big brown bear came lolloping over the mountain. 'No, no!' the princess cried.
Jeremy: Please, Mr. Coggins! You can't sell our lovely car to that nasty man!
Child Catcher: [threatening the Toymaker] The Baroness will have your teeth for a necklace, and your eyes for earrings.
Baron Bomburst: [very frustrated] Dolls! Dolls! I have hundreds of dolls!
Toymaker: But this is not just an ordinary doll, Your Excellency.
[winds the music box. scooting away]
Baron Bomburst: [talking over a comical-looking gramophone-style "morning-glory horn" loudspeaker that he lowers down to Grandpa Potts on a long scissor-link extension arm] Good morning. I hope you had a pleasant journey. In a few minutes we will be landing in Vulgaria.
Baron Bomburst: Vul-GARE-ee-ah. Please fasten your seatbelt, and noooo smoking. Thank you!
[starts to raise the speaker back up again]
Grandpa: Thank YOU.
Baron Bomburst: [obligingly lowering the loudspeaker again] You are WELcome!
Peter: Sir, have you come to help us?
[Catactacus walks over to him]
Peter: Are you going to help us out of here?
[Catactacus kneels in front of him]
Caractacus Pott: What's your name, son?
Peter: Peter, sir.
Caractacus Pott: [kindly] Well Peter, you shouldn't be afraid.
[Truly, the Toymaker and the children listen with interest]
Caractacus Pott: [kindly] Even in a terrible place like this. Because there's always hope. That's what I always tell my children when they're... afraid.
Child Catcher: Let me tell you something, Toymaker. This nose of mine has never failed me. And if there *are* children here, my friend... you will die.
First Spy: [speaking into portable radio transmitter] Jah-jhooh! Calling Bombergh Castle! This is "X" speaking.
[faint squealing static]
Bombergh Castle Dispatcher: Shrecks?
First Spy: "X"!
Bombergh Castle Dispatcher: Lex?
First Spy: [becoming pompously frustrated that his own accomplice can't remember/understand who he is] EX! As in...
[feverishly tries to think of a suitable word to use as an example of pronunciation]
Second Spy: [hastily offering a helpful suggestion] Eggs and bacon.
First Spy: [nodding in agreement] Eggs and BAY-KUHN! Send tdranspooht IMMEDIATELY!