The Diamond Arm (1969)
Dog Owner: Well, where am I supposed to walk my dog?
Superintendent: You were presented with your own apartment - do your walking in there!
Gennady: Lyolik, he doesn't drink. How am I supposed to get him drunk?
Lyolik: As our beloved Boss says, when someone else is paying, even the nondrinkers and those with ulcer will drink.
Lyolik: As our chief says, if a person is an idiot, it'll last a long time.
[Giving instructions on how to suddenly approach Gorbunkov; Gennady is wearing an eye-patch, resembling Mikhail Kutuzov, the historical Russian military commander during Napoleonic Wars]
Lyolik: Give his woman the flowers; the ice cream to the kids. Go and don't screw it up... Kutuzov!
Mystery man: Hey, buddy, do you have a cigarette?
Mystery man: What are you, deaf-mute?
Semyon Gorbunkov: [immediately, very clearly and distinctly] Yes!
Lyolik: Drinking champagne in the morning is only for aristocrats. Or degenerates.
House manager: The people of OUR kind do not ride taxi to the bakery!
Semyon Gorbunkov: Slipped and fell, got a closed fracture, became unconscious, when I came through I had this cast on.
[Cops are carrying a body of a passed out drunk, Gorbunkov thinks he is dead]
Semyon Gorbunkov: I should have been in his place!
Cop: Get drunk, then you will be.
Colonel: Why didn't you introduce yourself?
Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: Well I wanted to check him out first, see if he'll be alright for this assignment.
Colonel: So, how did your checking go?
Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: [Fixing bandaid on his face] He checked out alright.
Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: I didn't think he would...
Colonel: With a cast?
Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: Exactly. Maybe I should...
Colonel: No, you shouldn't. Did he agree?
Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: Yes he did. Now the idea I have is...
Colonel: Don't bother.
Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: In that case can I...
Colonel: No, don't.
Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: What about...
Colonel: Yeah, that you might want to try. You've been assigned to this case so do what's necessary.
Chief: In the words of one of my former acquaintances, who is dead now, "I knew too much!"
Lyolik: Watch for the signal. As soon as he fells asleep, she'll turn the lights off.
Gennady: What if he leaves now?
Lyolik: Gesha, would you leave such a woman?
Gennady: Not me, but he is a faithful husband.
Lyolik: As our Boss says, there is no such a husband out there who wouldn't dream of being a bachelor again for at least an hour.
Lyolik: Watch for the signal!
Lyolik: Come on, get up, let's go to Boss!
Gennady: Oh, no, I can't. I need to have a bath, drink a cup of cofee...
Lyolik: You'll have a bath, you'll have some cofee, you'll have cacao with tea! Let's go!