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Laugh-In (TV Series 1967–1973) Poster

(1967–1973)

Quotes

Dan Rowan: [as the News of the Future anchor] Item: Washington, DC, 1988. President Ronald Reagan today denied once again that he is a candidate for the office of Governor of California.

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Goldie Hawn: I don't see why there should be any question about capital punishment. I think everyone in the capital should be punished.

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[catchphrase]

German Soldier: Verrry eenteresting...

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Cast: [repeated jingle] What's the news across the nation/We have got the information/in a way we hope will amuse - you - /We just love to give you our views/La da de da/Ladies and Gents, Laugh-In looks at the news!

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Dan Rowan: [as the News of the Future anchor] Berlin, 20 years from now, 1989. There was dancing in the streets today as East Germany finally tore down the Berlin Wall. The joy was short-lived, however, as the wall was quickly replaced with a moat full of alligators.

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Dan Rowan: Now here's the man for whom the news wouldn't be the news without the news, Heeeere's Dicky.

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Dinah Shore: If Ida Lupino married Don Ho she'd be Ida Ho.

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Alan Sues: Hey, Goldie, does the high cost of living bother you?

Goldie Hawn: No, I live on the ground-floor apartment.

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Eileen: If they take the violence off TV, the kids won't have anything to watch on Saturday Morning.

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Dan Rowan: Say good night, Dick.

Dick Martin: Good night, Dick!

Dan Rowan: Good night, everybody!

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[repeated line]

Dan Rowan: Hey, next week have we got a show...

Dick Martin: I'd like to say something my mother once said.

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[poem]

John Wayne: The sky is blue. The grass is green. Get off you butts and join the Marines.

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[repeated line]

Judy Carne: You're weird, Goldie.

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Tyrone F. Horneigh: Would you like to go to a play?

[Gladys hits him]

Tyrone F. Horneigh: Would you like to go to a concert?

[Gladys hits him]

Tyrone F. Horneigh: Would you like to go to a funeral?

[falls off the park bench]

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[repeated line]

Dan Rowan: Look THAT up in your Funk and Wagnall's.

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Dick Martin: You bet your sweet bippy.

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Alan Sues: Oh, good heavens. Someone's copped my tinkle.

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Ernestine, the telephone operator: And as a special favor, I'm enclosing our three-color brochure on phone etiquette. You might find it useful.

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Announcer: The preceding was recorded earlier because we were ashamed to do it now.

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Liberace: I bet my sweet bippy and lost it.

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Barbara Feldon: It's not the hawks and doves that I'm worried about... it's those cuckoos in Washington that want to make pigeons out of all of us.

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Teresa Graves: Different strokes for different folks.

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[first lines of the show]

Announcer: What you're about to see is true.

[the word false appears on the screen, a man moves arrows on the clock in the back so it reads 8:00]

Announcer: Only names and faces have been left unchanged... to protect the innocent.

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Jo Anne: Boris says, "Capitalism doesn't work." But neither does Boris.

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Eileen: It was too bad Frank and Mia broke up, I've always been against mixed marriages.

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Gladys Ormphby: I tried to join the Sexual Revolution, but I flunked the physical.

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Tyrone F. Horneigh: Would you like to play Post Office?

[Gladys hits him]

Tyrone F. Horneigh: Would you like to play Spin the Bottle?

[Gladys hits him]

Tyrone F. Horneigh: Would you like to play Doctor?

[falls off the park bench]

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Tyrone F. Horneigh: Would you like to call me Cutie?

[Gladys hits him]

Tyrone F. Horneigh: Would you like to call me Sweetie?

[Gladys hits him]

Tyrone F. Horneigh: Would you like to call me an ambulance?

[falls off the park bench]

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[repeated line]

Guest - Special Guest Star: Here come de Judge, here come de judge!

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Richard M. Nixon: Sock it to *ME*?

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[catchphrase]

Jo Anne: IS THAT A CHICKEN JOKE?

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[repeated line]

Dan Rowan: Go to your room!

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[repeated line]

Judy Carne: It's not fair.

[after getting doused with a bucket of water]

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Ernestine, the telephone operator: One ringy-dingy. Two ringy-dingies.

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Ernestine, the telephone operator: How may I, in all humble servitude, be of assistance?

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Judy Carne: It's so silly getting all uptight with anxieties. I say just sit back, relax, and let your troubles go up in smoke.

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Milton Berle: The way some of the younger generation carries on, some people wish that they'd develop a birth control pill that was retroactive.

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Dan Rowan: Hey, Goldie, would you ever go on a hunger strike?

Goldie Hawn: No, I couldn't, I'm on a diet.

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Goldie Hawn: My I.Q. has never been questioned. Come to think of it, it never been mentioned.

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Judy Carne: I love Joan Baez, I've even got a set of her autographed fingerprints.

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Jo Anne: Boris says, "Red China is our friend. And when they get here, they're going to prove it."

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Barbara Feldon: We really learned the 3 Rs "Reading, Writing, and Rhythm".

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Barbara Sharma: Miss Diller, what can a girl do about bad breath?

Phyllis Diller: Keep your mouth shut.

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Announcer: This show was prerecorded earlier, because it didn't make much sense to prerecorded it later.

German Soldier: Very interesting, not very funny, but very interesting.

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Dick Martin: How do you get him to follow you?

Dick Martin: Honey, just blow in his ear and he'll follow you anywhere.

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Judy Carne: [as a switchboard operator answering the phone] NBC, beautiful downtown Burbank.

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Jo Anne: Did you know that a girl can get into alot of trouble all alone in beautiful downtown Burbank.

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Judy Carne: I'll always call England the mother country, whether the queen takes the pill or not.

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Goldie Hawn: Now THAT tickles my fancy!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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