Dad's Army (TV Series 1968–1977) Poster



Frazer: Captain Mainwaring. Did I ever tell you the story about the old, empty barn.

Mainwaring: Um. No.

Frazer: Would you like to hear the story about the old, empty barn?

Mainwaring: Um. Yes. Listen everybody. Frazer's going to tell us the story about the old empty barn.

Frazer: Right. The story of the old empty barn. Well. There was nothing in it.

[repeated line]

Jones: Don't panic! Don't panic!

[repeated line]

Frazer: We're doomed!

[repeated line]

Wilson: Do you think that's wise, sir?

[repeated line]

Mainwaring: Stupid boy.

[Jones is speaking to the German from the clock tower]

Jones: Now my captain's going to ponder with you - now listen.

Mainwaring: Further resistance is useless. In the name of the King I demand that you surrender

Jones: You know, when I was in the Sudan...

Mainwaring: In the words of the great E.C Cochran. "Early to bed, early to rise, no jolly good if you don't advertise".

Polish Officer: You're supposed to keep a look out like soldiers. Not talk like old women. What are your names?

Jones: Jones, sir.

Pike: Pike, sir.

Walker: Smith.

Jones: Walker.

Walker: Oh thanks very much.

Polish Officer: It's no good you try and give me falsies.

[repeated line]

Mainwaring: Just testing you, Wilson.

[They are telling off a cheeky young boy]

Jones: Ere. I know him. He's a cheeky little monkey. He comes into my shop when it's full of persons and shouts out, "Sainsbury's."

Pike: Yeah. And he runs into our bank and shouts out, "National Provincial."

[Mainwaring opens Frazer's money box]

Mainwaring: It's a brick. It's a damn brick.

Frazer: Aye, aye. It's a brick. And yon vicar can have it for the fabric of his kirk.

Frazer: I am refusing to obey.

Mainwaring: You'll be in charge of the liquor permits, Frazer.

Frazer: I'm right behind you, Captain.

[repeated line]

Pike: Mum won't like it, Uncle Arthur.

Pike: I'll tell mum.

Frazer: I never doubted you for a minute.

[repeated line]

Hodges: Put that light out!

Frazer: Sorry about the candles. The blinds are a bit thin for the gleam of the gas light.

Godfrey: Oh, I like candles. They're more romantic.

Godfrey: Sir. I wouldn't want to roam the countryside ravishing maidens.

Walker: They'll be no German planes over tonight.

[air-raid sirens start]

Jones: Why did you have to open your big mouth?

Godfrey: Oh I do wish that Captain Mainwaring would let my sister Dolly knit him a suit of armour.

Frazer: Never mind Godfrey son. If anything goes wrong we'll get him out with a tin opener.


Mainwaring: I wondered how long it would take you to work that one out.

Frazer: [after seeing Wilson seeing his daughter off] I know I am a bit of a blabbermouth, but... but I'll keep my tongue for ye Mr Wilson.

Wilson: [grateful] Thank you James.

Hodges: [Repeated line, always shouted at Mainwaring's platoon after they've had a mishap] Ruddy Hooligans!

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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