You Only Live Twice (1967)
Blofeld: James Bond. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Ernst Stavro Blofeld. They told me you were assassinated in Hong Kong.
James Bond: Yes, this is my second life.
Blofeld: You only live twice, Mr. Bond.
Blofeld: I shall look forward personally to exterminating you, Mr. Bond.
[Being bathed by Tanaka's women]
Tiger Tanaka: You know what it is about you that fascinates them, don't you? It's the hair on your chest. Japanese men all have beautiful bare skin.
James Bond: Japanese proverb say, "Bird never make nest in bare tree."
Helga Brandt: [Bond is captured by Helga Brandt] I've got you now.
James Bond: Well, enjoy yourself.
[Brandt slaps him]
[about to make love to Helga Brandt]
James Bond: Oh the things I do for England.
Blofeld: The firing power inside my crater is enough to annihilate a small army. You can watch it all on TV. It's the last program you're likely to see.
James Bond: Well, if I'm gonna be forced to watch television, may I smoke?
Blofeld: Yes. Give him his cigarettes. It won't be the nicotine that kills you, Mr. Bond.
[Bond has just sent Blofeld's henchman into the water. The piranhas immediately attack him]
James Bond: Bon appetit!
Tiger Tanaka: Permit me to introduce myself. I am Tanaka. Please call me Tiger.
James Bond: If you're Tanaka, then how do you feel about me?
Tiger Tanaka: [the code response] I... love you.
James Bond: Well, I'm glad we got that out of the way.
Blofeld: [shows the x-ray of the PPK to Osato & Brandt] Only one person we know uses this sort of gun. James Bond.
Mr. Osato: But Bond is dead!
Helga Brandt: It was in all the newspapers!
Blofeld: Rubbish. Bond is alive. Unless you killed him, Mr. Osato. Don't tell me you let him go.
Mr. Osato: I gave Number 11 the strictest orders to eliminate him.
Blofeld: And did she?
Mr. Osato: She failed.
Helga Brandt: [to Osato] *You* should have killed him yourself. You had plenty of opportunities...
Blofeld: This organization does not tolerate failure.
Mr. Osato: I know, but do you see I...
[Osato crosses the bridge over the water where the piranhas are waiting]
Blofeld: [addressing Helga] Well.
[Helga starts across. Blofeld hits a pedal that causes the bridge bottom to drop out, sending Helga into the piranha-filled water. The lethal fish immediately converge on her and she is dead in seconds. Osato looks on in horror]
Blofeld: [addressing Osato] Kill Bond! Now!
Mr. Osato: Yes, Number One! Yes. Yes, yes.
Tiger Tanaka: My friend, now you take your first civilized bath.
James Bond: Really?
[Bond is surrounded by four young Japanese women wearing only white bras and panties]
James Bond: Oh, I like the plumbing.
Tiger Tanaka: Place yourself entirely in their hands, my dear Bond-san. Rule number one: is never do anything yourself - when someone else can do it for you.
James Bond: And number two?
Tiger Tanaka: Rule number two: in Japan, men come first, women come second.
James Bond: I just might retire to here.
Blofeld: You will see that my piranha fish get very hungry. They can strip a man to the bone in 30 seconds. I have decided to ask for a little money in advance. I want the sum of 100 million dollars in gold bullion deposited in our account in Buenos Aires.
Blofeld's Financier: Our agreement states quite clearly that no money should be paid until war has broken out between Russia and the United States.
Financier #2: This is extortion!
Blofeld: [shows his SPECTRE ring] Extortion is my business. Go and think it over, gentlemen. I'm busy.
James Bond: Do you have any commandos here?
Tiger Tanaka: I have much, much better. Ninjas. Top-secret, Bond-san. This is my ninja training school.
[James is in bed with a Ling, a Chinese woman]
James Bond: Why do Chinese girls taste different from all other girls?
Ling: You think we better, huh?
James Bond: No, just different. Like Peking Duck is different from Russian Caviar. But I love them both.
Ling: Darling, I give you very best duck.
[Choosing a masseuse]
James Bond: Well, I'll just settle for this little old lady here.
Tiger Tanaka: Good choice, she's very sexyful.
Tiger Tanaka: I must say I am disappointed with the ease with which I could pull you in. The one thing my honourable mother taught me long ago was never to get into a car with a strange girl. But you, I'm afraid, will get into anything. With any girl.
Blofeld: As you can see, I am about to inaugurate a little war. In a matter of hours after America and Russia have annihilated each other. We shall see a new power dominating the world.
Henderson: [Hands Bond a martini] Oh, that's stirred, not shaken. That was right, wasn't it?
James Bond: Perfect. Cheers.
James Bond: Russian vodka. Well done.
Henderson: Yeah, I get it from the doorman at the Russian embassy - amongst certain other things.
Mr. Osato: You should give up smoking. Cigarettes are very bad for your chest.
Helga Brandt: Mr. Osato believes in a healthy chest.
[Bond eyes Helga's breasts]
James Bond: Really?
Tiger Tanaka: [to James Bond] Welcome to Japan, Mr. Bond.
Hong Kong Policeman #2: [finding Bond 'dead' in girl's bed] At least he died on the job... he would have wanted it that way.
Tiger Tanaka: You like Japanese sake, Mr. Bond? Or, would you prefer a vodka martini?
James Bond: Oh, no. I like sake. Especially when it's served at the correct temperature: 98.4 degrees fahrenheit like this is.
Tiger Tanaka: For a European, you are exceptionally cultivated.
Aki: No one will disturb you tonight. I think I will enjoy very much serving under you.
James Bond: Is this the only room there is?
Kissy Suzuki: Yes. That is your bed,
[points to one side of room]
Kissy Suzuki: I shall sleep over there.
[points to other side of room]
James Bond: But we're supposed to be married.
Kissy Suzuki: Think again, please. You gave false name to priest.
James Bond: Yes, but we must keep up appearances. We're on our honeymoon.
Kissy Suzuki: No honeymoon. This is business.
James Bond: [pushing aside his oyster dinner] Well, I won't need these.
[Coded message to headquarters]
James Bond: Little Nelly got a hot reception. Four big shots made improper advances toward her, but she defended her honor with great success.
[Bond is caught trying to enter the SPECTRE spacecraft]
Blofeld: You made a mistake, my friend. No astronaut would enter the capsule carrying his air conditioner.
[Bond is about to have his chest waxed so he can pass for Japanese]
James Bond: Why don't you just dye the parts that show?
Submarine Captain: Dinghy's on board, sir.
M: [referring to Bond in the dinghy] Tell him to come below and report.
MoneyPenny: It'll be a pleasure, sir.
Tiger Tanaka: [after Tiger's helicopter drops an enemy car chasing Bond and Aki into the Pacific ocean] How's that for Japanese efficiency?
James Bond: Just a drop in the ocean.
Foreign Secretary: As a matter of fact, our man in Hong Kong is working on it now.
[cuts to next scene in Hong Kong, Bond is in bed with a Chinese woman]
Tiger Tanaka: [discussing Osato Chemicals' supertanker, the Ning Po, which is known to be smuggling rocket fuel] We shadowed the Ning Po to the outer islands.
Aki: It was very dark. Hard to see her all the time.
Tiger Tanaka: But we know she stopped somewhere. Look at these photos.
[Tiger hands James photos of the Ning Po]
Aki: Look at the water line.
James Bond: [noticing the higher water line of the ship in seperate photos] You're right. Fully laden here, and empty here.
James Bond: [getting up] I want to take a look at the island now. Is Little Nellie here?
Tiger Tanaka: Yes. And her father.
[James, Aki, and Tiger enter a nearby garage where an agitated and sweating Q is waiting]
James Bond: [sarcastically] Welcome to Japan, Dad. Is my little girl hot and ready?
Q: [annoyed] Look, 007, I've had a long and tiring journey, probably to no purpose, so I'm in no mood for juvenile quips.
M: [buzzing intercom] Miss Moneypenny, give 007 the password we've agreed with Japanese S.I.S.
MoneyPenny: Yes sir.
MoneyPenny: We tried to think of something that you wouldn't forget.
James Bond: Yes?
MoneyPenny: "I, love, you". Repeat it please, to make sure you get it
James Bond: Don't worry, I get it.
Houston CapCom: Hawaii to Jupiter 16. Repeat: Hawaii to Jupiter 16. There is an unidentified object on our screen, closing fast.
Astronaut - American Spacecraft #1: [Performing an EVA] We see nothing. Can you give me a bearing?
Houston CapCom: Appears to be coming up fast from astern
Astronaut - American Spacecraft #1: Hey, NOW I see it. It's another spacecraft! I repeat: it's ANOTHER SPACECRAFT!
Houston CapCom: Chris, this is flight. Does it look like a close pass?
Astronaut - American Spacecraft #1: You're breaking up. Say again!
Houston CapCom: Repeat: Does it look like a close pass?
Astronaut - 1st American Spacecraft: [inside spacecraft] Hey Chris what's happening?
Astronaut - American Spacecraft #1: Flight, it's coming right at us! The FRONT is OPENING UP! I REPEAT: THE FRONT IS OPENING UP! It's coming right at us...
Houston CapCom: Chris, Get back in! Get back in!
James Bond: Hello, Penny.
MoneyPenny: You better go right in. You're late, as usual - even from your own funeral.
James Bond: Well, we corpses have absolutely no sense of timing.
MoneyPenny: Oh, by the way, how was the girl?
James Bond: Which girl?
MoneyPenny: The Chinese one we fixed you up with.
James Bond: Oh, another five minutes, I'd have found out.
MoneyPenny: She'll never know what she missed.
Tiger Tanaka: You are James Bond, aren't you? I am so very pleased to meet you Bond-san. I really am. Permit me to introduce myself. My name is Tanaka. Please call me Tiger.
James Bond: I'd like you to examine these as soon as possible. They're from Osato's safe.
Tiger Tanaka: This is an order for naval stores. 500 kilos of butter. 50 containers of lox. What is lox?
James Bond: Oh, it's American name for smoked salmon. But, it's also the technical name for liquid oxygen - which makes rocket fuel.
Tiger Tanaka: [Three young Japanese women giving Bond a bath] Your English girls would never perform this simple service.
James Bond: I think I know one or two who might get around to it.
Tiger Tanaka: Miss Moneypenny, perhaps?
James Bond: The last time someone gave me a massage, it was in Hong Kong. But, unfortunately, I had to cut it short. We were rudely interrupted by a couple of gunmen. So, we never got 'round to finishing it.
Helga Brandt: A Dom Perignon '59, Mr. Fisher? Are you really sure you won't change your mind?
James Bond: [Posing as Mr. Fisher] Well, if you insist.
Tiger Tanaka: Chasing girls will be the end of you, Bond-san. I have told you that before.
Aki: He didn't chase her! He did it so that I could get away. He wouldn't touch that horrible girl. You wouldn't, would you?
James Bond: Oh, heaven forbid.
Tiger Tanaka: I have my curiosity, Bond-san. What is little Nellie?
James Bond: Oh, she's a wonderful girl. Very small. Quite fast. Can do anything. Just your type.
Tiger Tanaka: A toy helicopter?
Q: No, it's certainly not a toy!
Q: [Showing Bond the improvements to little Nellie, his one-man, open-air, helicopter] Right. Now, pay attention. Two machine guns, fixed.
James Bond: Synchronized to what?
Q: A hundred yards when using incendiaries and high explosives. Two rocket launchers. Forward-firing on either side.
James Bond: Fine.
Q: Now, these fire heat-seeking air-to-air missiles - sixty a minute.
James Bond: Good.
Q: Flame guns. Two of them. Firing astern.
James Bond: What range?
Q: Eighty yards. Two smoke ejectors next door to them. Aerial mines. Now, remember, use them only when directly above target. That's about the lot, I think. You know the rest, don't you?
James Bond: Yes.
James Bond: Hello, Base One. There's nothing here but volcanoes.
James Bond: What's the plan for me?
Tiger Tanaka: First, you become a Japanese. Second, you train hard and quickly to become a ninja - like us. And third, to give you extra special cover - you take a wife.
Astronaut - 1st American Spacecraft: Calling CapCom. CapCom, this is Jupiter 16. Do you give a go for fourth orbit.
Houston CapCom: CapCom to Jupiter 16. Can you confirm O2 pressure is within limit.
Astronaut - 1st American Spacecraft: Roger. Everything looks good in the environmental control system.
Houston CapCom: Okay. Everything looks good from here. You have a go for fourth orbit.