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Valley of the Dolls (1967) Poster

Quotes

Anne Welles: [First lines] You've got to climb Mount Everest to reach the Valley of the Dolls. It's a brutal climb to reach that peak. You stand there. Waiting for the rush of exhilaration; but, it doesn't come. You're alone and the feeling of loneliness is overpowering.

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[on the phone with her mother]

Jennifer North: But, I just sent you 50 dollars last week, Mother. Okay, I'll send you 50 dollars as soon as I get my paycheck. You told me Gran's been sick, Mother, and I know about the oil burner. Okay, I'll take the mink to Uncle Ira's again. He'll give me a couple hundred for it. Mother, I know I don't have any talent, and I know all I have is a body, and I am doing my bust exercises. Goodbye, Mother. I'll wire you the money first thing in the morning. Goodbye.

[hangs up the phone and starts performing bust exercises]

Jennifer North: Oh, to hell with them! Let 'em droop!

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Helen Lawson: The only hit that comes out of a Helen Lawson show is Helen Lawson, and that's ME, baby, remember?

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Neely O'Hara: Who are ya hiding from, Helen? The notices couldn't have been that bad.

Helen Lawson: The show just needs a little fine tuning.

Neely O'Hara: Don't worry, sweetheart. If the show folds I can always get a part as understudy for my grandmother.

Helen Lawson: Thanks. I already turned down the part you're playing.

Neely O'Hara: Bull! Merrick isn't that crazy.

Helen Lawson: You oughta know, honey, you just came out of the nuthouse.

Neely O'Hara: It was not a nuthouse!

Helen Lawson: Look. They drummed you right outta Hollywood! So ya come crawlin' back to Broadway. Well, Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope. Now you get outta my way, I got a guy waitin' for me.

Neely O'Hara: That's a switch from the fags you're usually stuck with!

Helen Lawson: At least I never had to MARRY one!

Neely O'Hara: YOU TAKE THAT BACK...

[pulls off Helen's wig while scuffling]

Neely O'Hara: ... oh my God, it's a wig! HER HAIR'S AS PHONY AS SHE IS!

Jennifer North: [She's wearing a very large headdress] I feel a little top heavy.

Play director: [Not meaning the thing on her head] Oh, honey. You are a little top heavy.

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Neely O'Hara: Ted Casablanca says he's the joke of the town.

Jennifer North: I wouldn't pay any attention to that. You know how bitchy fags can be!

Neely O'Hara: He's not even 30 and he's made over a million bucks!

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Ted Casablanca: You've got your new deal, and I've got my sanity back.

Neely O'Hara: With that little whore?

Ted Casablanca: That little whore makes me feel nine feet tall!

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Neely O'Hara: Boobies, boobies, boobies. Nothin' but boobies! Who needs 'em? I did great without 'em.

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Neely O'Hara: [catching her husband in the pool with a girl] Having fun, kiddies? Don't mind me. Go right ahead! I'll watch.

[girl runs away, naked, into the house]

Neely O'Hara: You'd better run, you little tramp. How dare you contaminate my pool! Here.

[empties bottle of alcohol into the pool]

Neely O'Hara: Maybe this will disinfect it.

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Miriam Polar: Tony, how many times do I have to tell you? At night, all cats are gray.

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Miriam Polar: I'm gonna heat up the lasagna.

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Neely O'Hara: I didn't have dough handed to me because of my good cheekbones, I had to work for it.

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[after catching her bisexual husband with a girl]

Neely O'Hara: All right, faggot! Start explaining!

Ted Casablanca: You need glasses, Neely. She's hardly built like a boy.

Neely O'Hara: I could take that better!

Ted Casablanca: I'm sure you could. You know, you almost made me feel I was queer.

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Mel: You're spending a lot more time than necessary with that fag.

Neely O'Hara: Ted Casablanca is NOT a fag... and I'm the dame who can prove it.

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Anne Welles: Neely, you know it's bad to take liquor with those pills.

Neely O'Hara: They work faster.

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Lyon Burke: Do you realize, Miss Wells, that you are the most beautiful girl that ever left lipstick in my office?

Anne Welles: You like women, don't you?

Lyon Burke: I like career girls. We're compatible.

Anne Welles: There's a rumor they don't make very good wives.

Lyon Burke: Well, I'm not looking for a wife.

Anne Welles: You're fortunate you know yourself. I don't know who I am, or what I want.

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Henry Bellamy: Take these papers to Helen Lawson, and don't give her any of that "I loved you when I was a child" crap, or she'll stab you in the back.

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Neely O'Hara: [drunk in a bar] Who's stoned? I am merely traveling incognito.

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Mel: Honey, listen, it's a rotten business.

Neely O'Hara: I know. But I love it!

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Neely O'Hara: Well, what nice fattening thing did you tell Arlene to make tonight?

Mel: Arlene quit. She said you yelled at her.

Neely O'Hara: She was a louse anyway. You said yourself she was taking home all the booze. Other people have loyal help. Why can't we?

Mel: You don't know how to talk to them.

Neely O'Hara: That's your job. You'd better start running this house properly.

Mel: I'm not the butler.

Neely O'Hara: You're not the breadwinner either!

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Helen Lawson: I don't need pills like Neely. Sure, I knew you dried her out. But, it won't last. Neely hasn't got that hard core like me. She never learned to roll with the punches. And, believe me, in this business they come left, right and below the belt.

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Miss Steinberg: Mr. Bellamy, this is Miss Welles. She's here about the job.

Henry Bellamy: She's too good looking.

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Neely O'Hara: I want a doll! I want a doll!

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Tony Polar: Jen! I can't feel my legs!

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Man in bar: I wonder what happened to Neely O'Hara.

[snidely]

Man in bar: They SAY she had laryngitis.

Neely O'Hara: [taking a drink - searching for a pill] WHO HAD LARYNGITIS?

Edward - Playhouse Bartender: We're closing now, Miss O'Hara.

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Edward - Playhouse Bartender: Shall I call you a cab?

Neely O'Hara: I don't need it - I don't need ANYBODY. I got talent, Edward. BIG talent.

[Standing at doorway, thinking]

Neely O'Hara: They Love me.

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Jennifer North: The sanitarium was very expensive!

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Neely O'Hara: Mel? God? Neely?... NEEEEEEELYYY O'HARAAAAAAAA!

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Helen Lawson: [singing] It's my yard So I will try hard To welcome friends I've yet to know! Oh, I'll plant my own tree. My! Own! Tree! And I!

[pause]

Helen Lawson: Will!

[pause]

Helen Lawson: Make!

[pause]

Helen Lawson: It!

[pause]

Helen Lawson: Grow!

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Neely O'Hara's Stage Manager: Neely? Neely open the door, you're on. Neely!

Neely O'Hara: Hi!

Neely O'Hara's Stage Manager: My God. You've got on your costume for the second act.

Neely O'Hara: So? I'll do the second act first!

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Tony Polar: Let's go up to your apartment. We'll take the phone off the hook this time; so, Miriam can't bother us. How's that? Come on.

[Tony grabs her hand about to lift her up from the park bench]

Jennifer North: Opp... My mother said I should have - held out - and made you marry me! Ha-ha.

Tony Polar: [Looks at her with a frowning pout] Ohhh... baby...

Jennifer North: [Smiling] When did I ever do anything my mother told me to?

[They hug and then kiss]

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Neely O'Hara: I'm Neely O'Hara, pal, that's ME singing on that jukebox!

Man in bar: Neely O'Hara sings like a bird. You sound like a frog.

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Neely O'Hara: Then I heard she went to Paris to make art films.

[laughs]

Neely O'Hara: Art films? Nudies! That's all they are. Nudies.

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Neely O'Hara: You stupid ass nurse! What are you looking at?

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Helen Lawson: Give me that damn wig! What the hell are you doing in there?

Neely O'Hara: Giving it a shampoo. Goodbye, pussycat. Meeowwww!

[flushes toilet]

Helen Lawson: My God, she's throwing it in the can, I'll kill her!

Neely O'Hara: How do you like that? It won't even go down the john!

Helen Lawson: Give me that wig!

Neely O'Hara: Okay, you want it back? Here it comes, special delivery!

[tosses Helen's wet wig over the stall wall, then exits the stall]

Neely O'Hara: So long, Granny. I'll tell your boyfriend not to wait.

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Henry Bellamy: Some days you'll have to work until midnight, having dinner with me and a prospective client. Now, I'll drink too much and won't remember a damn word the next morning. You'll have but one sherry and will remember everything.

Anne Welles: I have an excellent memory and I love sherry.

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Miss Steinberg: How's your shorthand?

Anne Welles: Weak; but, I type 60 words a minute.

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Helen Lawson: Give me a fountain pen and not one of those lousy ballpoints.

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Helen Lawson: You! Go back to the office and tell that son-of-a-bitch to get off his butt and earn his oats.

Anne Welles: But, Miss Lawson, you haven't finished signing the contracts?

Helen Lawson: And I don't - intend to! Not until Bellamy ties a can to that little broad's tail.

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Lyon Burke: Tell me, why are you dismissing us so soon?

Anne Welles: Because I think show business is cruel.

Lyon Burke: Well, you're quite right. Oh, have a seat.

Anne Welles: People do despicable things.

Lyon Burke: Yes, the certainly do.

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Lyon Burke: Miss Welles, a raw recruit always dives for the nearest foxhole at the first burst of enemy fire. But, eh, don't let that happen to you. Don't you throw in the towel, just yet. This is a rather cruel business. But, it's also a great business and a rewarding business. For every Helen Lawson, there's always a Helen Hayes or a Mary Martin. Now, you think about that.

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Neely O'Hara: I can't stop thinking about that audience tonight. You don't know what it feels like, Mel, when they're all applauding and yelling and whistling. They did whistle, didn't they?

Mel: Oh, yeah, they sure did.

Neely O'Hara: I felt like they were all taking me in their arms and holding me. It's like when you put your hands on me. Only it was - double, triple.

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Neely O'Hara: Mel, let's get married.

Mel: I-I thought you'd never ask.

Neely O'Hara: I'm not kidding! I'll be making good money and with your 150 we can really live! We can get a maid to clean up! We can get a mink coat.

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Anne Welles: Are you wooing me, Mr. Burke?

Lyon Burke: If you wish to be wooed.

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Lyon Burke: Offstage I hate her; but, onstage, I'm madly in love with her.

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Kevin Gillmore: Point number one: the girl to introduce our beauty products on TV show, will be known as the Gillian Girl. Two: she must be beautiful; but, more important, she must be refined, cultured. A girl like Miss Welles, here.

Henry Bellamy: That's not a girl. That's my secretary!

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Kevin Gillmore: The girl will be identified with Gillian products, exclusively. I will start her off at 300 dollars a week.

Henry Bellamy: Gillmore, that's sabotage!

Anne Welles: It's also very tempting.

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Mel: She's changed, Jen. She's starts at 5:30 in the morning, still punchy from last night's sleeping pills. So, she takes a red pill to pep herself up and at midnight she's still flying. I try to talk to her. It's like a brick wall.

Jennifer North: Well, I guess that's one of the drawbacks of being a big star.

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Mel: The studio wants her to find out why she's so exhausted. They say they think it must be emotional conflicts. Conflicts, my foot! There aren't enough hours in the day. The head shrinker said she's - insecure. She needs mass love.

Jennifer North: Maybe I'm lucky I don't have any talent.

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Neely O'Hara: Well, I've lost five pounds already. These pills are really great, Jen. They kill your appetite. Only trouble is they pep me up so much I can't sleep.

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Mel: Now, you're just like all the rest of 'em. Success is too big for you.

Neely O'Hara: If you ask me, my success is too big - for you!

Mel: Yeah, sure. Sugar!

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Mel: Only in Hollywood do women faint because some queer danes to design their clothes.

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Anne Welles: I used to pretend - you going bald and fat.

Lyon Burke: I used to picture you with a sink full of dishes and a baby tugging at your skirt.

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Claude Chardot: I am interested in a young lady with your, eh, your, eh, how you say?

Miriam Polar: Measurements.

Claude Chardot: Generally, a French girl is inclined to be - flat in the bosom.

Jennifer North: I see. Just what kind of pictures do you make, Mr. Chardot?

Claude Chardot: Make? The art field.

Jennifer North: Yes, I've seen a few. They're pretty raw. I mean, French subtitles over a bare bottom doesn't necessarily make it art.

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Ted Casablanca: You're always too tired and too full of those damn dolls.

Neely O'Hara: You've got guts! I catch you red-handed with a naked broad in my pool and you sermonize me!

Ted Casablanca: Not a sermon, Neely, just a few cold facts.

Neely O'Hara: Ted, you know how hard I work. When I come home, I'm exhausted. How can I think of sex?

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Lyon Burke: They're going to replace you with a younger girl.

Neely O'Hara: Younger? Lyon, I'm 26!

Lyon Burke: You look 36.

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Neely O'Hara: What do you want me to do?

Lyon Burke: I want you to go to a sanitarium - and dry out.

Neely O'Hara: A sanitarium?

Lyon Burke: I'm sorry, it's the only solution.

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Neely O'Hara: I'm scared. I've forgotten how to sleep without dolls. I can't get through a day without a doll. Please, Lyon, don't send me there. I need a doll! Lyon, don't leave me here! Just give me a doll! Just one! Lyon!

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Neely O'Hara: They ordered me to take off my nightgown. I told them to "drop dead". They took it off for me.

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Neely O'Hara: In the afternoon we had: recreation hour. You never saw such a bunch of well breed kooks. They all acted as normal as apple pie.

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Neely O'Hara: I started playing checkers with this real cute looking little girl. All of the sudden, she leans over and gets a half-nelson on my hair and accuses me of telling the rest of the inmates that she's a latent homosexual.

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Jennifer North: Anne, honey, let's face it. All I know how to do is take off my clothes.

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Neely O'Hara: Jennifer, shame on you! Hey, still got that mole on your keister? Nope! They covered it up with make-up.

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Play director: [Staring at her breasts and not the large headdress she is wearing] Six hundred bucks for a headdress and not a soul will see it.

Jennifer North: I feel a little top heavy.

Play director: Honey, you are a little top heavy.

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Helen Lawson: I'll go out - the way I came in.

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Neely O'Hara: What am I going to do?

Lyon Burke: Anne and I want you to go to a sanitarium, in Los Angeles.

Neely O'Hara: A nuthouse.

Anne Welles: No. Its the same place that Tony is in.

Neely O'Hara: Anne, I'm not nutty. I am just hooked on dolls!

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Henry Bellamy: I don't want to hear another word about quitting.

Lyon Burke: The going get's rough, they all talk about retirement.

Helen Lawson: Not me. I've had it rough before. I'm a barracuda.

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Helen Lawson: Nothing can destroy her talent; but, she'll destroy herself.

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Helen Lawson: And you, Lyon, you'd better watch it. Oh, sure, everything's rosy now. You skip from one thing to another - from one dame to another. But watch it, my friend. Find yourself a good girl. Have kids. Or, one day you'll wind up alone, like me, and wonder what the hell happened.

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Lyon Burke: Boy, the old star sickness begins to appear. No more gratitude, just power!

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Jennifer North: Tomorrow they have to perform a mastectomy. The doctor says it's not the end of the world. He says lots of women live long and happy lives after successful breast surgery. The point is to catch it in time.

Anne Welles: I'm sure they will, Jen. Afterwards you can come to the beach with us and recuperate.

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Neely O'Hara: "I have to get up at five o'clock in the morning and SPARKLE, Neely, SPARKLE!"

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Jennifer North: That old witch oughta to be boiled in oil.

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Western Union Boy: A telegram for a Miss Polar. One second, you have to sign this. Thank you.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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