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Valley of the Dolls (1967) Poster

Quotes

Anne Welles: You've got to climb Mount Everest to reach the Valley of the Dolls.

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Neely O'Hara: I didn't have dough handed to me because of my good cheekbones, I had to earn it.

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Helen Lawson: They drummed you out of Hollywood, so you come crawling back to Broadway. But Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope. Now get out of my way, I've got a man waiting for me.

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Neely O'Hara: Who are ya hiding from, Helen? The notices couldn't have been that bad.

Helen Lawson: The show just needs a little fine tuning.

Neely O'Hara: Don't worry, sweetheart. If the show folds I can always get a part as understudy for my grandmother.

Helen Lawson: Thanks. I already turned down the part you're playing.

Neely O'Hara: Bull! Merrick isn't that crazy.

Helen Lawson: You oughta know, honey, you just came out of the nuthouse.

Neely O'Hara: It was not a nuthouse!

Helen Lawson: Look. They drummed you right outta Hollywood! So ya come crawlin' back to Broadway. Well, Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope. Now you get outta my way, I got a guy waitin' for me.

Neely O'Hara: That's a switch from the fags you're usually stuck with!

Helen Lawson: At least I never had to MARRY one!

Neely O'Hara: YOU TAKE THAT BACK...

[pulls off Helen's wig while scuffling]

Neely O'Hara: ... oh my God, it's a wig! HER HAIR'S AS PHONY AS SHE IS!

Jennifer North: [She's wearing a very large headdress] I feel a little top heavy.

Play director: [Not meaning the thing on her head] Oh, honey. You are a little top heavy.

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[on the phone with her mother]

Jennifer North: You told me Gramp's been sick, Mother, and I know about the oil burner. Okay, I'll pawn the mink. He'll give me a couple hundred for it. Mother, I know I don't have any talent, and I know I all I have is a body, and I am doing my bust exercises. Goodbye, Mother. I'll wire you the money first thing in the morning. Goodbye.

[hangs up the phone and starts performing calisthenics]

Jennifer North: Oh, to hell with them! Let 'em droop!

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Neely O'Hara: [drunk in a bar] Who's stoned? I am merely traveling incognito.

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Miriam Polar: Tony, how many times do I have to tell you? At night, all cats are gray.

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Miriam Polar: I'm gonna heat up the lasagna.

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Helen Lawson: The only hit that comes out of a Helen Lawson show is Helen Lawson, and that's ME, baby, remember?

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Jennifer North: I wouldn't pay any attention to that. You know how bitchy fags can be!

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Ted Casablanca: You've got your new deal, and I've got my sanity back.

Neely O'Hara: With that little whore?

Ted Casablanca: That little whore makes me feel nine feet tall!

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[after catching her bisexual husband with a girl]

Neely O'Hara: All right, faggot! Start explaining!

Ted Casablanca: You need glasses, Neely. She's hardly built like a boy.

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Neely O'Hara: Boobies, boobies, boobies. Nothin' but boobies. Who needs 'em?

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Mel: You're spending a lot more time than necessary with that fag.

Neely O'Hara: Ted Casablanca is NOT a fag... and I'm the dame who can prove it.

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Anne Welles: Neely, you know it's bad to take liquor with those pills.

Neely O'Hara: They work faster.

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Neely O'Hara: "I have to get up at five o'clock in the morning and SPARKLE, Neely, SPARKLE!"

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Neely O'Hara: I want a doll! I want a doll!

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Lyon Burke: Do you realize, Miss Wells, that you are the most beautiful girl that ever left lipstick in my office?

Anne Welles: You like women, don't you?

Lyon Burke: I like career girls. We're compatible.

Anne Welles: There's a rumor they don't make very good wives.

Lyon Burke: Well, I'm not looking for a wife.

Anne Welles: You're fortunate you know yourself. I don't know who I am, or what I want.

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Henry Bellamy: Take these papers to Helen Lawson, and don't give her any of that "I loved you when I was a child" crap, or she'll stab you in the back.

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Tony Polar: Jen! I can't feel my legs!

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Neely O'Hara: Makes a change from the fags you usually hang around with.

Helen Lawson: At least I didn't have to marry one!

Neely O'Hara: [after pulling off Helen Lawson's wig] It's a wig! Her hair's as fake as she is!

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Neely O'Hara: Having FUN kiddies?

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Neely O'Hara: [catching her husband in the pool with a girl] Having fun, kiddies? Don't mind me. Go right ahead! I'll watch.

[girl runs away, naked, into the house]

Neely O'Hara: You'd better run, you little tramp. How dare you contaminate my pool! Here.

[emptiesl bottle of alcohol into the pool]

Neely O'Hara: Maybe this will disinfect it.

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Man in bar: I wonder what happened to Neely O'Hara.

[snidely]

Man in bar: They SAY she had laryngitis.

Neely O'Hara: [taking a drink - searching for a pill] WHO HAD LARYNGITIS?

Edward - Playhouse Bartender: We're closing now, Miss O'Hara.

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Edward - Playhouse Bartender: Shall I call you a cab?

Neely O'Hara: I don't need it - I don't need ANYBODY. I got talent, Edward. BIG talent.

[Standing at doorway, thinking]

Neely O'Hara: They Love me.

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Neely O'Hara: [catching her husband in the pool with a girl] Having fun, kiddies? Don't mind me. Go right ahead! I'll watch.

[girl runs away, naked, into the house]

Neely O'Hara: You'd better run, you little tramp. How dare you contaminate my pool! Here.

[empties bottle of alcohol into the pool]

Neely O'Hara: Maybe this will disinfect it.

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Jennifer North: The sanitarium was very expensive!

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Neely O'Hara: Mel? God? Neely?... NEEEEEEELYYY O'HARAAAAAAAA!

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Helen Lawson: [singing] It's my yard So I will try hard To welcome friends I've yet to know! Oh, I'll plant my own tree. My! Own! Tree! And I!

[pause]

Helen Lawson: Will!

[pause]

Helen Lawson: Make!

[pause]

Helen Lawson: It!

[pause]

Helen Lawson: Grow!

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Mel: Is a rotten business!

Neely O'Hara: I know. But I love it!

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Neely O'Hara's Stage Manager: Neely? Neely open the door, you're on. Neely!

Neely O'Hara: Hi!

Neely O'Hara's Stage Manager: My God. You've got on your costume for the second act.

Neely O'Hara: So? I'll do the second act first!

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Jennifer North: [Tony grabs her hand about to lift her up from the chair] Ow... My mother told me to... Hold out, and make you marry me!

Tony Polar: [Looks at her frowning cutely] Ohhh... baby...

Jennifer North: [Smiling] But since when did I ever listen to my mother?

[They hug and then kiss]

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Neely O'Hara: I'm Neely O'Hara, pal, that's ME singing on that jukebox!

Man in bar: Neely O'Hara sings like a bird. You sound like a frog.

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Neely O'Hara: Then I heard she went to Paris to make art films.

[laughs]

Neely O'Hara: Art films? Nudies! That's all they are. Nudies.

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Neely O'Hara: You've got guts. I catch you red-handed with a naked broad in my pool and YOU sermonize ME!

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Neely O'Hara: You stupid ass nurse! What are you looking at?

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Neely O'Hara: Well, what nice fattening thing did you tell Arlene to make tonight?

Mel: Arlene quit. She said you yelled at her.

Neely O'Hara: She was a louse anyway. You said yourself she was taking home all the booze. Other people have loyal help. Why can't we?

Mel: You don't know how to talk to them.

Neely O'Hara: That's your job. You'd better start running this house properly.

Mel: I'm not the butler.

Neely O'Hara: You're not the breadwinner either!

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Jennifer North: That old witch oughta to be boiled in oil.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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