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Two for the Road (1967) Poster

Quotes

Mark Wallace: We agreed before we were married we weren't gonna have any children.

Joanna Wallace: And before we were married we *didn't*.

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[Before getting married, hitchhikers Mark and Joanna spend a night in a hotel together]

Mark Wallace: This is definitely against my principles.

Joanna Wallace: Good. I wouldn't like to think that it happened all the time.

Mark Wallace: I had absolutely no intention of sleeping in hotels.

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[Mark and Joanna see a bickering couple]

Mark Wallace: That's marriage for you.

Joanna Wallace: That's marriage for *them*.

Mark Wallace: That's marriage - full stop.

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Mark Wallace: [Joanna has returned from an affair] Hello.

Joanna Wallace: Hello.

Mark Wallace: Well?

Joanna Wallace: [softly, on the verge of tears] I'm back.

Mark Wallace: Enjoy yourself?

Joanna Wallace: [nods] Yes, thank you. But I *missed* you.

[Mark sarcastically rolls his eyes, not believing her]

Joanna Wallace: I *did*.

Mark Wallace: Why?

Joanna Wallace: Because he's so serious.

Mark Wallace: I thought you liked people who were serious.

Joanna Wallace: But he's *so* serious.

Mark Wallace: Well, I'd better make some funny faces...

Joanna Wallace: [softly] You don't need to make funny faces.

[Mark gives no response]

Joanna Wallace: Mark, I'm back!

Mark Wallace: You humiliate me. You humiliate me... and then you come back.

Joanna Wallace: [nods tearfully] That's right.

Mark Wallace: Thank God!

[he hugs her and they tearfully kiss]

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Joanna Wallace: [upset] You just want me to become a beautiful memory, the sooner the better!

Mark Wallace: Who said anything about beautiful?

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Joanna Wallace: Shouldn't get too much sun the first day.

Mark Wallace: I don't burn. I've got asbestos skin.

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Mark Wallace: Are you a virgin?

[Joanna seems shocked by the question]

Mark Wallace: Thought you were. Can always tell.

Joanna Wallace: Congratulations.

Mark Wallace: I was two years at the University of Chicago.

Joanna Wallace: Studying virgin detection?

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Mark Wallace: It's really meant for photographing three-dimensional subjects.

Joanna Wallace: I'm three dimensional, as a matter of fact.

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Mark Wallace: Darling, what's French for 'Inspector, I don't believe a word you're saying and you're not gonna get a damn penny?'

Joanna Wallace: 'Oui, monsieur.'

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Mark Wallace: If there's one thing I really despise, it's an indispensable woman.

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[last lines]

Mark Wallace: Bitch.

Joanna Wallace: Bastard.

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Mark Wallace: Just wish that you'd stop sniping.

Joanna Wallace: I haven't said a word!

Mark Wallace: Just because you use a silencer doesn't mean you're not a sniper.

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[Joanna waves her hand suspiciously over her drink]

Mark Wallace: What are you doing?

Joanna Wallace: Just trying to discover where the strings are attached.

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Mark Wallace: What kind of people just sit like that without a word to say to each other?

Joanna Wallace: Married people?

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Ruth Manchester: [after Howard knocks the luggage off the top of the car by driving into a low beam carport] Daddy?

Howard Manchester: Yes, Ruthie?

Ruth Manchester: Did you do that on purpose?

Howard Manchester: No, Ruthie, I didn't. No, I did not. No, Ruthie. No.

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Joanna Wallace: [referring to a pair of newlyweds seated in the back of a Rolls Royce] They don't look very happy.

Mark Wallace: Why should they? They just got married.

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Mark Wallace: Why is it whenever you give a woman everything she wants she gets so bloody-minded?

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Mark Wallace: [Mark and Joanna's car is on fire] Water!

Joanna Wallace: Oh! But where?

Mark Wallace: Find some!

Joanna Wallace: Here, here.

[she hands Mark a bottle of water]

Mark Wallace: [he pours the water on the engine]

Joanna Wallace: Oh! It likes water!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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