Mad Monster Party? (1967)
Dracula: What kind of a monster is he? A ghoul? A demon? A spook, or...?
Francesca: A human.
Dracula: They're the worst kind.
Francesca: Felix, you saved my life.
Felix: Don't thank me, thank my pills.
Felix: Don't thank my pills, thank me.
Yetch: It's me, your Don Juan.
Francesca: I Don Juan to look at you.
Felix: I'll kill myself.
Baron von Frankenstein: No, Felix, don't kill yourself.
Felix: Who's going to kill myself? I just said that because I didn't think anyone could hear me.
Mr. Hyde: Hyde. Hyde.
Felix Flanken: Hide? You want me to hide? Well if you want to play games, you must be feeling better. Certainly don't look it. Okay, I'll hide and you try and find me.
Dracula: Um... Due to the dilapidated condition of my wallet... Er, your ship. I think I had better fly.
Felix Flanken: Take it out of my pay, Mr. Kronkite.
Mr. Kronkite: Pay? What pay? You still have two more months to work for me for nothing before you're even as it is. Now what are you doing in the pharmacy department in the first place? Need I remind you that this is a drug store? There are people waiting at the lunch counter, someone is browsing though the paperback books, we still have a rack of these Veeblefetzers to unload and you're wasting your time in the pharmacy department. What am I not paying you for, Felix?
Felix Flanken: Sorry, I can't see a thing without my glasses.
Invisible Man: I've heard that one before.
Yetch: [Invisible Man is hit with a pie, revealing his face] No wonder you're invisible. You're ugly and revolting and disgusting.
Chef Mafia Machiavelli: For the main course: I make boar's head, roast vulture and mince hyena casserole. Here, try the hyena casserole. It's terrific, no?
Yetch: No. There's something missing.
Chef Mafia Machiavelli: WHAT? Something missing? The casserole of me, Mafia Machiavelli, the greatest chef ever? SOMETHING MISSING?
Yetch: Chef, please, simmer down.
Chef Mafia Machiavelli: I bust your head, I broke you nose, I squeeze out you eyes. GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN.
Yetch: I think I better tell Dr. Frankenstein that dinner is ready.
Baron von Frankenstein: Ha ha ha. Quoth the raven, "Nevermore". I've done it. Created the means to destroy matter. They must all know. Know that I, Baron von Frankenstein, master of the secret of creation, have now mastered the secret of destruction. The invitations must be sent at once.
Felix Flanken: I'm invited to an island in the Caribbean to take part in a scientific first. A new discovery.
Mr. Kronkite: You? A mental last to a scientific first?
Chef Mafia Machiavelli: Here we have the antipasto - black widows pickled in their own poison, smoked lizards and snakes, and marinated mice.
Yetch: It looks so good. Yum, yum. How do you do it?
Chef Mafia Machiavelli: Oh, it's nothing.
Chef Mafia Machiavelli: Just a pinch of this, a pinch of that. A pinch of this, a pinch of that.
Yetch: Ow! Stop already with the pinching.
The Monster's Mate: Remember what happened the last time you had a roving eye? I kept it in a jar for a week. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Yetch: Point of order. Point of information. Point of importance.
Dracula: Speak up and stop pointing.
Felix Flanken: [while watching The Isle of Evil being obliterated] I know it's wrong, but I have a tremendous urge to sing "Auld Lang Syne".
First Mate: Did we pick up any passengers on this stop, Captain?
Captain: Only that strange fellow from London, Dr. Jekyll.
First Mate: Dr. Jekyll? That's odd. He told me his name was Mr. Hyde.
Felix Flanken: Now take me to Francesca. Move.
[It, a 20-story-high ape appears behind him]
Felix Flanken: Aha, frozen with fear, are you? You didn't realize the rapier-keen, silken-smooth Felix Flanken could be so rough and tough, and hard and strong, and manly and virile, and...
Felix Flanken: Weak... Timid... And petrified. Heh he heh. Hi-ho there, can I get you a banana?
Felix Flanken: I'll carry you. Boy, you're heavier than I thought.
Francesca: I wanted you to know I'm no easy pick-up.
Felix Flanken: If I ever get out of this mess alive, I'll never hack and chop in a jungle again.
Baron von Frankenstein: Everybody must have had quite a time last night. There was a huge pile of left-overs in the dining room.
Francesca: I wonder who it was.
Francesca: But we haven't received a reply from... It.
Baron von Frankenstein: Well I should hope that we don't. You see, It wasn't invited. It was a crushing bore at our last convention. It kept walking around crushing boars, wild boars, in its hands. Very frankly, Francesca, It disgusts even me.
Francesca: We also received a very strange reply from someone who says he's arriving on the 13th. Someone named Felix Flanken.
Baron von Frankenstein: He's coming? That is good news. What else does he write?
Francesca: "Looking forward to meeting all those fun people at your resort". Resort? Fun people? He doesn't mean Dracula and the Werewolf surely.
Baron von Frankenstein: Yes, yes? Go on.
Francesca: "Can't hardly wait to dip into the pool in the front of your resort and lie on your beautiful beach." Doctor, does he know about the crocodiles in the lagoon and the quicksand on the beach? Who or what is this Flanken?
Baron von Frankenstein: Oh, don't be alarmed. Felix Flanken is a mere human.
Francesca: Do you really think that It would dare to come here uninvited?
Baron von Frankenstein: I don't know. It is capable of anything.
Chef Mafia Machiavelli: It's my own chef's salad. The Mafia Machiavelli Special. I make it with poison ivy, toadstools and poison berries. It's good, no? I got three kinds'o dressings that go with it: arsenic, cyanide and this one, you'll get a big bang out of, Yetch.
Yetch: What is it?
Chef Mafia Machiavelli: Nitro Glycerine. I make a joke, you know?
Francesca: [thinking] I can make the doctor's secrets mine before he bestows them on that Felix Flanken. And I can use Dracula to help me.
The Monster's Mate: Baby, Francesca is up to something with that Dracula. They both bear watching. Besides, it's her own fault for thinking so loud.
Francesca: As the doctor's rightful heir, I will be given his secrets and I shall share them with you.
Dracula: Why of course. Half a loaf if better than two in the bushes. Or something like that.
Dracula: Then I shall get rid of you and have all the secrets to myself.
Dracula: Francesca, you have always been my type. O-negative, isn't it?
Felix Flanken: Uncle, I may have the blood for the job, but I sure don't have the stomach for it.
The Monster's Mate: I don't know how he got his invitation. He has an unlisted tomb. Ha ha ha ha.
The Monster's Mate: [about the Mummy] I wonder how he got his invitation. He has an unlisted tomb. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
[about the Hunchback]
The Monster's Mate: Didn't I see him at the Transylvania Gardens in the main event?
Dracula: The Hunchback of Notre Dame ain't a boxer.
The Monster's Mate: Afraid it'll ruin his looks, eh? Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
First Mate: [watching the Hunchback of Notre Dame load boxes onto the ship] He's as strong as 50 men.
Captain: And as ugly as any I've ever seen.
Felix: Pardon me, Gentlemen, does this Pickled Herring stop at the Isle of Evil?
First Mate: [Captain and First Mate shudder in horror] Egads. It's another one of them!
Captain: We'll stop, don't worry. We'll do whatever you want. There'll be no charge for you. Be my guest. But please, none of your surprises.
[They scurry aboard the ship]
Felix: Golly. What's the matter with them? Haven't they ever seen a tourist before?
Baron von Frankenstein: Aw, my dear, you look so... Er, ghastly.
The Monster's Mate: [flattered] Oh, doctor.
Francesca: Oh, brother.
Baron von Frankenstein: [the Werewolf enters] Aw, Werewolf, 'delighted you're here, Were.
Dracula: Wolfie, you old dog! Ha ha. This convention is going to be a howling success.
Dracula: You see? I told you.
Felix Flanken: Midnight. Well, if Dr. Jekyll doesn't find me soon, I think I'll go to my cabin and to bed.
Felix Flanken: Well you see, Uncle, I'm a pharmacist.
Baron von Frankenstein: Aw, then you must have conducted experiments of your own.
Felix Flanken: Oh yes. My fudge quadrupple multi-flavored decker ala mode was a wild experiment. Mr. Kronkite turned green after he ate it.
Baron von Frankenstein: Of course.
Felix Flanken: What unsusual flora and fauna.
Francesca: Yes I know. You like it and it likes you.
Dracula: [Has crashed into a tree; slurring] Permit me to introduth mythelf. I am Count Dracuwa.
Dracula: And now, friends, you'll see who was the original Batman.
[Transforms into a bat]
Felix Flanken: Felix Flanken, head of the World Wide Organization of Monsters. I can't do it. I just can't do it. I could never face that board of directors.
The Monster's Mate: Stop behaving like the Statue of Liberty. Put down that torch.
Dracula: Yes, we can still make a deal.
Francesca: Make a deal with you? Not so long as I have Wolfbane for you, vampire, and a torch for you, Monster. Or is it torch for a vampire and Wolfsbane for a monster? Wolfsbane for a werewolf, and a torch for a vampire. No, it's stake through the heart for a vampire and a silver bullet for a monster.
Dracula: I'll take the torch and you get the Wolfsbane.
Baron von Frankenstein: You wanted my vial, you'd kill my nephew for it? Now you shall see that Baron von Frankenstein is not one to cross. True you won't see it for too long a time, but for one second, oh boy.
[Drops vial; Island is completely obliterated]
Felix Flanken: My place isn't much. Two small rooms, a furnished medicine cabinet, but we'll be married. And soon there will be the sound of little Flankens running around.
Francesca: [Starts to cry] Oh, Felix.
Felix Flanken: What? What have I said? We'll get a bigger place, I'll give up sneezing. What is it?
Felix Flanken: I'll have to tell Uncle that my allergies prevent me from undertaking
Felix Flanken: Er, accepting - the job.
Yetch: Don't stand around like a bunch of union grave diggers. Get into your planes.
Chef Mafia Machiavelli: Yetch, what are you a-doing in my kitchen, huh? You no-good snake in the grass, you dirty swine, you ugly rat.
Yetch: Oh, thank you for those kind words. I hope I can live up to them.
Chef Mafia Machiavelli: This-a Yetch. He's-a little bit of a nut.
Yetch: [after been lift up by a tentacle in the soup] This soup is strong!
Baron von Frankenstein: Ah... a lifetime of experimentation capped in one small vial. Now to the final step: The infusion of energy.
Francesca: I'm just a machine with hundreds of parts that will eventually wear out.
Felix Flanken: Well, Francesca, none of us are perfect.
Felix Flanken: Are perfect...
Felix Flanken: Are perfect...
Felix Flanken: Are perfect...
Felix Flanken: Are perfect...