Samson Posey:
I reckon the folks'd be a sight happier if I died like a soldier. Can't say I would.
Joseph T. Wladislaw:
Killin' generals could get to be a habit with me.
Major John Reisman:
You've seen a general inspecting troops before haven't you? Just walk slow, act dumb and look stupid!
Victor R. Franko:
Hey! What's the matter with you? You think I'm going to die? Ha! If you think that then you don't know Victor Franko.
Major John Reisman:
How come you speak German?
Joseph T. Wladislaw:
My old man came from Silesia. He didn't speak German, he didn't dig coal. p He didn't dig coal, he didn't eat.
Major John Reisman:
What do you think, Sergeant?
Sergeant Clyde Bowren:
I think you'll do just fine, sir.
Major John Reisman:
[
emphatically] Don't give me that! I said what do you think?
Sergeant Clyde Bowren:
I think the first chance one of those lovers gets, he's going to shoot the Major right in the head... sir.
[
Kinder has just finished a psychiatric evaluation of Reisman's troops]
Major John Reisman:
So what does that give you?
Capt. Stuart Kinder:
Doesn't give me anything. But along with these other results, it gives YOU just about the most twisted, anti-social bunch of psychopathic deformities I have ever run into! And the worst, the most dangerous of the bunch, is Maggott. You've got one religious maniac, one malignant dwarf, two near-idiots... and the rest I don't even wanna think about!
Major John Reisman:
Well, I can't think of a better way to fight a war.
Capt. Stuart Kinder:
These people don't know their enemy is the Germans. They think the enemy is their own United States Army!
Major John Reisman:
Maybe that's because the Germans haven't done anything to them yet.
Major John Reisman:
Any questions?
Maggot:
Suh? Do we have to eat with niggahs?
[
Jefferson jumps Maggot]
Sergeant Clyde Bowren:
[
as Reisman exits the room] : What's going on, sir?
Major John Reisman:
Oh, the gentleman from the South had a question about the dining arrangements. He and his comrades are discussing place settings now.
Major John Reisman:
Boy, do I love that Franko.
Major John Reisman:
Which one of you guys wants to be a general?
[
to Pinkley]
Major John Reisman:
Pinkley?
Pinkley:
What kind of general, sir?
Major John Reisman:
Just a plain, ordinary, every day, home-lovin' American general.
Pinkley:
I'd rather be a civilian, sir.
Major John Reisman:
I never went in for embroidery, just results
Pinkley:
[
impersonating a general] Very pretty, General. Very pretty. But, can they fight?
Pinkley:
[
impersonating a General] Where are you from, son?
Soldier:
Madison City, Missouri, sir!
Pinkley:
Never heard of it.
Major John Reisman:
[
briefing the dozen] Shoot any officers you see in there.
Victor R. Franko:
Who? Ours or theirs?
Maj. Gen. Worden:
This war was NOT started for your private gratification, and you can be damned sure it's not being run for your personal convenience, either!
Samson Posey:
I don't want to hurt you Major.
Major John Reisman:
You're not gonna hurt me, I'm gonna hurt you.
Maggot:
It's judgment day, sinners!
Col. Everett Dasher Breed:
What's your name, soldier?
Pinkley:
Number two, Sir!
Major John Reisman:
You know what to do, feed the French and shoot the Germans!
Capt. Stuart Kinder:
[
while the dozen are cavorting with the prostitutes in the guards' barracks] I wonder if any of them even know it's Mother's Day.
Major John Reisman:
[
glances at Kinder and pauses briefly] is it?
Joseph T. Wladislaw:
I wish I could read this. I think it's dirty.
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