Memorable quotes for
The Wrong Box (1966) More at IMDbPro »

Queen Victoria: In recognition of your many and varied services to the crown, I dub thee...
[the sword descends too fast]
Queen Victoria: Oh. We are frightfully sorry, Sir Robert.
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[Aboard a train engine after a wreck]
First Driver: Fred?
Stoker: Yeah?
First Driver: We haven't heard the last of this.
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[Recounting the railway accident]
Joseph Finsbury: I was in the water closet of the Bournemouth express when it quite unaccountably exploded, thereby extensively damaging the rest of the train. I can't really think that I was to blame, although at the time I was smoking.
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Morris Finsbury: Now what we need is a venal doctor.
John Finsbury: But - Uncle Joseph's dead! It's too late!
Morris Finsbury: Not for him, for us! Now, you remember that chambermaid you got into... um...
John Finsbury: ...thing.
Morris Finsbury: Thing. Who was the doctor who did the, um...
John Finsbury: ...thing. Uh, Pratt, Dr. Pratt.
Morris Finsbury: Was he venal?
John Finsbury: I - I didn't like to ask.
Morris Finsbury: Well, did he do the...
John Finsbury: ...thing. Yes.
Morris Finsbury: Good.
John Finsbury: But... what's he got to do with it?
Morris Finsbury: He's part of the plan. Now you and I are the only two people in the world who *know* that Uncle Joseph is, uh...
John Finsbury: ...thing.
Morris Finsbury: ...dead.
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[the doctor, owner of dozens of cats, is coughing]
Doctor Pratt: I'm all right; it's just a fur ball; it's nothing. Strangely, I haven't had fur for a fortnight.
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Doctor Pratt: Well, it'll cost you five shillings.
Morris Finsbury: Price is no object.
Doctor Pratt: Right. Ten shillings, then. Payable in advance.
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Morris Finsbury: I collect eggs, Doctor.
Doctor Pratt: Eggs, yes. Oh, I enjoy an egg myself, yes. They don't make good pets, though; you can never get them in at night.
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[about parents]
Julia Finsbury: Oh, I only knew mine vaguely. My father was a missionary. He was eaten by his Bible class.
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[last lines]
Detective: All right, come on, come on, what's going on? Come on, what is it? Come on!
Clergyman: Please, sir, I beg of you, there's a dead man here.
Detective: All right, no one move!
[long pause while he realizes it's a church burial]
Detective: Finsbury?
Michael Finsbury, Julia Finsbury, Masterman Finsbury, Joseph Finsbury, Morris, John Finsbury: Yes?
Detective: MORRIS Finsbury!
John Finsbury: [turning Morris around and pointing at him] Yes.
Detective: Morris Finsbury, I arrest you for stealing £100,000.
Lawyer Patience: But the money has been returned, sir.
Detective: Who are you, sir? Some sort of accomplice?
Lawyer Patience: Certainly not: I am his solicitor.
Detective: Oh, you've brought your solicitor with you, have you? Yes, I've met your type before.
Lawyer Patience: No, no, no. I mean, I, I, I'm the administrator of the tontine.
Detective: Tontine?
Joseph Finsbury: Named after Lorenzo Tonti, a Neapolitan banker.
Detective: And who are you, sir?
Joseph Finsbury: I...
Masterman Finsbury: [interrupting] He's nobody. He's my young brother.
Detective: And who are you, sir?
Masterman Finsbury: None of your business, sir!
Detective: I shall have you arrested for indecent exposure!
Julia Finsbury: Oh!
Michael Finsbury: My grandfather was recently buried, sir.
Detective: And who are you, sir?
Julia Finsbury: He is Michael Finsbury.
Detective: And who are YOU, madam?
Michael Finsbury: She is Julia Finsbury, shortly to become... Julia Finsbury!
Detective: Young man, did you know there was a body in the piano?
Peacock: I did it.
Detective: Who is he?
Michael Finsbury: He is the butler, sir.
Detective: The butler did it?
Michael Finsbury: No, sir. I put the body there.
Detective: Is this true?
Michael Finsbury: Yes sir.
Detective: In that case, you are entitled to a reward of £1,000. You are responsible for bringing the Bournemouth Strangler to his just end.
Michael Finsbury: A, a thousand pounds? Oh, but I-I-I don't, I don't deserve it. The body just arrived in a barrel.
John Finsbury: I sent it.
Detective: And who are you, sir?
Morris Finsbury: He is of diminished responsibility, officer. It was all my doing. If there's any justice in this naughty world, the reward is mine.
Detective: And WHO are YOU?
[falls into open grave]
Morris Finsbury: You remember me - Morris Finsbury. I was falsely accused of stealing a hundred thousand pounds, whereas in fact it was me, and me alone, who was responsible for bringing the Bournemouth Strangler to his just desserts.
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Detective: [barging into a funeral] Alright, come on, come on, what's going on, what is it, come on, come on!
Clergyman: Please, sir, I beg of you. There's a dead man here!
Detective: Alright, no one move!
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Peacock: [a grand piano jammed in a doorway] You know what that is? That is stuck. That is what that is.
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Michael Finsbury: [examining a Classical Greek statue] Is it a fraud, Peacock?
Peacock: Life is a fraud, Master Michael.
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John Finsbury: Morris! Do you realize it's a criminal offense to wear that coat?
Morris: I'm not wearing any *trousers*!
John Finsbury: ...but that too is a criminal offense!
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Joseph Finsbury: [carrying on a one-sided conversation with the Bournemouth Strangler] Ahh, the avocational activities of man are many and varied. Some demand skill - yours for instance! Carpentry... the playing of games with balls of various sizes!
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Morris Finsbury: I was wondering - do you by any chance happen to have any - uh - death certificates?
Doctor Pratt: Do I happen to have any death certificates? What a monstrous thing, sir - what a monstrous thing to say to a member of the medical profession! Do you realize the enormity of what you have just said?
Morris Finsbury: Yes. Do you have any death certificates?
Doctor Pratt: How many do you want?
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Joseph Finsbury: [riding with the Hackett funeral party] It is, as you know, a statistical fact that in London one person dies every twenty-five seconds - which means that it is extremely probable that one of us may not even live to arrive at the ceremony!
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