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Funeral in Berlin (1966) Poster

Quotes

Harry Palmer: She picked me up last night, and - with my irrestible charm - I want to know why, and who she's working for.

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Waiter: Bitte, mein Herr?

Harry Palmer: No, Löwenbrau, please.

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Colonel Stok: I wish to defect, but there are conditions.

Harry Palmer: What do you want?

Colonel Stok: I want colonel's pay for life.

Harry Palmer: Don't we all.

Colonel Stok: A house in the country.

Harry Palmer: Oh, how many bedrooms?

Colonel Stok: Bedrooms do not matter. But I must have a big garden. I am a peasant at heart, and I want to grow roses in my old age.

Harry Palmer: In England, roses are out - weeds are in. Is that all?

Colonel Stok: That is all. I want comfort and security.

Harry Palmer: You've got all that in Russia now.

Colonel Stok: Aah, in Russia there is no place for an old Bolshevik. In my job I have made too many enemies.

Harry Palmer: Well, what about your family?

Colonel Stok: My wife died in a German air raid in 1941; my only son hasn't written to me in three years. What would you do in my position?

Harry Palmer: I'd stop telling lies, for a start. You have no son, and your wife is in Kiev with your daughter Katya. I know everything about you, Colonel Stok... from the size of your refrigerator to the cubic capacity of your mistress.

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Colonel Stok: Do you play chess?

Harry Palmer: Yes, but I prefer a game with a better chance of cheating.

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[On his proposed defection]

Colonel Stok: And for you it is a propaganda victory - my name is worth a headline.

Harry Palmer: We get plenty of Russians. It's a pity you're not Chinese.

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Harry Palmer: Oh, by the way, is old Klaus Burger still alive?

Reinhardt: The forger?

Harry Palmer: Yeah, the forger.

Reinhardt: I'd like to run you out of Berlin, Palmer! You and MI5 and the Deuxième Bureau and the CIA and the rest of them. Then I can do my job instead of providing work for every forger, confidence man, thief, and murderer in this town!

Harry Palmer: Oh, I agree, I agree, I agree. But... is old man Klaus still alive?

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Colonel Stok: If there is a mistake, the KRAPOs will be shooting at me.

Harry Palmer: That'll be nice: you'll find out what it's like to be an East German.

Colonel Stok: You are insolent! Do you think this job, this loathsome Wall, is all I've done for Communism? Does Smolensk mean anything to you, or Stalingrad?

[chuckles]

Colonel Stok: I look at your stupid face and I think you mean what you say. I like you, you're good at your job. You need only one thing.

Harry Palmer: What's that?

Colonel Stok: A reason for doing it.

Harry Palmer: I get paid.

Colonel Stok: £30 a week? Is it worth it - to be a tool of the generals? A tool for making trouble? Trouble makes arms, arms make money...

Harry Palmer: When you get to England, we'll give you a soapbox. You sure you want to defect tomorrow?

Colonel Stok: I told you, I'm still a good Communist. When a man leaves his wife, he remembers his wedding night. Communism was the love of my youth, and I've been faithful... until now. I was with Antomikov Sanko at the storming of the Winter Palace in 1917. Do you know what that means in Russia?

Harry Palmer: Yes, I think so. It means you're an expendable hero.

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[after a plan goes wrong]

Harry Palmer: Let's get out of here. I've got some fiction to write.

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Harry Palmer: I think that Vulkan is connected with this man Broum.

Ross: Brilliant, Palmer. Vulkan *is* this man Paul Louis Broum.

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Harry Palmer: Do you mean that Her Majesty's government employs ex-Nazis, sir?

Ross: [referring to Palmer himself] And thieves, Palmer.

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Ross: Well, you've bungled the rest of it. Get rid of him.

Harry Palmer: Pardon?

Ross: *Kill* him.

Harry Palmer: I'm not killing anybody in cold blood.

Ross: Then provoke him, if that's going to satisfy your scruples.

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Colonel Stok: What's the matter, you in trouble? Ross won't shoot you for failing once - it's not democratic!

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Hallam: Show them to any Swiss banker, he'll laugh in your face. Beautiful forgeries... but on the wrong paper.

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Harry Palmer: You're useless in the kitchen, why don't you go back to bed.

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Harry Palmer: I'm sorry, I just don'f feel like an Edmund Duff.

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Samantha Steel: My name is Samantha Steel. Some people call me Sam.

Harry Palmer: Edmund Dorf. Some people call me Edna.

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Colonel Stok: I like you, English.

Colonel Stok: You're not as stupid as you look.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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