Memorable quotes for
The Fortune Cookie (1966) More at IMDbPro »

[about Willie Gingrich, his shyster lawyer brother-in-law]
Harry Hinkle: He's so full of twists. He starts to describe a donut and it comes out a pretzel.
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Harry Hinkle: Of course he's upset. He's a lawyer - he's paid to be upset.
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[justifying why Willie should cheat his insurance company]
Willie Gingrich: What's wrong? Insurance companies have too much - they have to microfilm it.
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[to kids making a lot of noise]
Willie Gingrich: Why don't you kids go play on the freeway?
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[repeated line]
Harry Hinkle: You can fool all of the people some of the time, you can even fool some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time!
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Doc Schindler: I'm looking for a freckle!
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Willie Gingrich: Unwed mothers? I'm for that!
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Willie Gingrich: Now tell me, Mr. Cimoli, exactly how did you break your hip?
Mr. Cimoli: It's my *pelvis*!
Willie Gingrich: All right, your pelvis. How did it happen?
Mr. Cimoli: Well I was coming out of the store, and there it was on the sidewalk.
Willie Gingrich: What?
Mr. Cimoli: [Shows Gingrich a banana peel] This.
Willie Gingrich: I see. And you were coming out of *what* store?
Mr. Cimoli: Nat's Delicatessen, on Euclid Avenue.
Willie Gingrich: Too bad.
Mr. Cimoli: Oh, such pain.
Willie Gingrich: I mean too bad it didn't happen further down the street in front of the May Company. From *them* you can collect. Couldn't you have dragged yourself another twenty feet?
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Willie Gingrich: What about Mrs. Cunningham vs. Baltimore and Ohio Railroad, U.S. District Court, Eastern District of Ohio, number eighty-nine twenty-seven. Mrs. Cunningham, en route to Cincinnati to visit dying uncle, gets trapped in the toilet on account of a faulty lock. The car is hitched to another train. Mrs. Cunningham winds up in San Bernadino California. By this time, the uncle is dead and she's cut out of the will, so she sues the railroad for damages. Does this ring a bell?
O'Brien: Never heard of it!
Willie Gingrich: None of this has? Because you, gentlemen, represented the railroad.
O'Brien: We did?
Willie Gingrich: And lost the case.
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O'Brien: We've been going over the hospital report.
Willie Gingrich: Discouraging, isn't it?
O'Brien: Naturally, we don't accept it at face value.
Willie Gingrich: I wouldn't, either.
Thompson: Look, Gingrich, let's stop horsing around. We demand the right to have our own doctors examine Hinkle.
Willie Gingrich: You got it.
Kincaid: Unless you agree to it, we'll get a court order and force you.
Willie Gingrich: I agree to it.
O'Brien: Now don't give us any trouble, Gingrich. We know your reputation... what do you mean you "agree to it?"
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Harry Hinkle: Florida and Mustangs and foxes, how are you gonna pay for all of this?
Willie Gingrich: Our credit is good.
Harry Hinkle: Well don't you think we better wait 'til we see some of that insurance money?
Willie Gingrich: Wait? Who waits nowadays? Take the government. When they shoot a billion dollars worth of hardware into space, do you think they pay cash? It's all on the Diner's Club!
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Harry Hinkle: [as Mother Hinkle weeps over him] I'll be all right, Mother.
Willie Gingrich: Sure he will. Every week you read in Time Magazine how they're transplanting kidneys and making new spines out of fiberglass. Don't you think the doctors read that stuff, too?
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Willie Gingrich: He's gonna give you a shot to help you pass those tests.
Harry Hinkle: Oh, I'm not gonna take any shots from a waiter!
Willie Gingrich: What do you mean "waiter?" This is Doc Schindler, from Chicago.
Doc Schindler: Howdy.
Willie Gingrich: Those insurance guys think they're such geniuses. What they forget is every time they build a better mousetrap, the mice gets smarter, too.
Harry Hinkle: You'll be careful, won't you, Doc?
Doc Schindler: I better be, because I'm on parole.
Harry Hinkle: Parole?
Doc Schindler: They caught me tampering with a horse at Arlington Park.
Harry Hinkle: A veterinary?
Willie Gingrich: Well actually, he's a dentist.
Doc Schindler: What do you want?
Willie Gingrich: Right arm and left leg. Make them good and numb.
Doc Schindler: Oh, *numb*.
Willie Gingrich: Sure, we want those nerves blocked!
Doc Schindler: Oh, then I better use the Novocain, because with this stuff, he'll run the mile in 1:34 flat.
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Professor Winterhalter: All these newfangled machines. Fake! It proves nothing. In the old days, we used to do these things better. The man says he's paralyzed, we simply throw him in the snake pit. If he climbs out, then we know he's lying.
Specialist #1: [shocked] And if he doesn't climb out?
Professor Winterhalter: Then we have lost the patient, but we have found an honest man.
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Charlotte Gingrich: [as their kids skateboard around the hospital's halls] Children! Jeffery, Ginger, cut that out. This is a hospital.
Willie Gingrich: Let 'em. If they're gonna break a leg, this is the place to do it.
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Willie Gingrich: I'm his brother-in-law, Sister. And this is his mother, Sister, and this is my wife, his sister, Sister.
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Harry Hinkle: [Harry looks disgustingly at Sandy while she's on the floor looking for her contact lens] I don't want to find you here when I get back. And take your damn meatloaf with you.
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[repeated line]
O'Brien: Get Gingrich on the phone.
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