Blondie: You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig.
[Tuco is in a bubble bath. The One Armed Man enters the room]
One Armed Man: I've been looking for you for 8 months. Whenever I should have had a gun in my right hand, I thought of you. Now I find you in exactly the position that suits me. I had lots of time to learn to shoot with my left.
[Tuco kills him with the gun he has hidden in the foam]
Tuco: When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
Blondie: [counting Angel Eyes' men] One, two, three, four, five, and six. Six, the perfect number.
Angel Eyes: I thought three was the perfect number.
Blondie: I've got six more bullets in my gun.
Blondie: Tut, tut. Such ingratitude after all the times I saved your life.
Tuco: [shouting] Hey, Blond! You know what you are? Just a dirty son-of-a-b-!
[surveying some Civil War carnage]
Blondie: I've never seen so many men wasted so badly.
Tuco: [trying to read a note] "See you soon, id... " "id... " "ids... "
Blondie: [taking the note] "Idiots". It's for you.
Tuco: [in the cave where his friends Pedro, Chico and Ramon are hiding] If you work for a living, why do you kill yourself working?
Tuco: I like big fat men like you. When they fall they make more noise. And sometimes they don't get up.
Blondie: You may run the risks, my friend, but I do the cutting. We cut down my percentage - uh, cigar? - liable to interfere with my aim.
Tuco: But if you miss you had better miss very well. Whoever double-crosses me and leaves me alive, he understands nothing about Tuco. Nothing!
[Chuckles, bites cigar]
Tuco: Hurrah! Hurrah for the Confederacy! HURRAH! Down with General Grant! Hurrah for General... What's his name? Lee! LEE! Ha ha. God is with us because he hates the Yanks too. HURRAH!
Blondie: [spits] God is not on our side because he hates idiots also.
[the commander of the cavalry patrol they've met reveals his blue uniform]
Tuco: You became a priest because you were too much of a coward to do what I do.
Tuco: You never had a rope around your neck. Well, I'm going to tell you something. When that rope starts to pull tight, you can feel the Devil bite your ass.
Tuco: There are two kinds of spurs, my friend. Those that come in by the door; those that come in by the window.
Blondie: It's not a joke, it's a rope, Tuco. Now I want you to get up there and put your head in that noose.
Tuco: I'm very happy you are working with me! And we're together again.
Tuco: I get dressed, I kill him and be right back.
Blondie: Listen, I forgot to mention... He's not alone. There's five of 'em.
Blondie: Yeah, five of 'em.
Tuco: So, that's why you came to Tuco.
Tuco: It doesn't matter, I'll kill them all.
Tuco: There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend: Those with a rope around the neck, and the people who have the job of doing the cutting.
[as they set out across the desert]
Tuco: If you save your breath I feel a man like you can manage it. And if you don't manage it, you'll die. Only slowly, very slowly old friend.
Tuco: You want to know who you are? Huh? You want to know who's son you are? You don't, I do, everybody does... you're the son of a thousand fathers, all bastards like you.
Tuco: I'll kill you.
Blondie: If you do that... you'll always be poor... just like the greasy rat you are.
Tuco: [tied up and laying on the porch of the sheriff's office, after being dumped there by Blondie as he walks in to collect his bounty money... then, the sheriff walk out] Who the hell is that? One bastard goes in, another comes out!
Union Captain at the Bridge: Whoever has the most liquor to get the soldiers drunk and send them to be slaughtered... he's the winner.
Blondie: If your friends stay out in the damp, they're liable to catch a cold aren't they... or a bullet.
Union Captain at the Bridge: [to his surgeon] Can you help me live a little more? I expect good news.
Baker: Here, this is for you. You did a good job for me.
[hands over a purse]
Angel Eyes: Oh I almost forgot. He payed me a thousand. I think his idea was that I kill you.
[they both laugh]
Angel Eyes: But you know the pity is when I'm paid, I always follow my job through. You know that.
Baker: Noo! Angel Eyes!
[he is shot through a pillow]
Tuco: I'm looking for the owner of that horse. He's tall, blonde, he smokes a cigar, and he's a pig!
Blondie: Two hundred thousand dollars is a lot of money. We're gonna have to earn it.
[a dying man has information Tuco wants]
Tuco: Don't die, I'll get you water. Stay there. Don't move, I'll get you water. Don't die until later.
Stevens: What does he pay you for murdering me?
Angel Eyes: Five hundred dollars... to get the name.
Blondie: [appearing beside Tuco] Were you gonna die alone?
Tuco: Hey! Hey everybody look! He's giving him the filthy money! JUDAS! You sold my HIDE!
Angel Eyes: Even a filthy beggar like that has got a protecting angel.
Blondie: I mean our partnership is untied.
Tuco: [looks down at the noose still hanging from his neck]
Blondie: Oh no, not you, you remain tied. I'll keep the money and you can have the rope.
Tuco: I never hurt anybody!
Officer: ...wanted in 14 counties of this state, the condemned is found guilty of the crimes of murder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks and post offices, the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, selling stolen goods, passing counterfeit money, and, contrary to the laws of this state, the condemned is guilty of using marked cards...
Bounty Hunter: [three bounty hunters have cornered Tuco] No! No pistol, amigo! It won't do you any good. There are three of us!
Mexican Bounty Hunter: [holding a wanted poster] Hey, amigo! You know you got a face beautiful enough to be worth $2000?
Blondie: [from behind them] Yeah, but you don't look like the one who'll collect it.
[Lights a cigar]
Blondie: A couple steps back.
[the bounty hunters draw their guns but Blondie guns down all three]
Union Captain at the Bridge: The Rebs have decided that bridge is the key to this whole area. Stupid, useless bridge! Flyspeck on Headquarters' maps. Headquarters has declared we must take that ridiculous flyspeck. Even if all of us are killed. Otherwise the key'll get rusty and just be a spot on the wall.
Tuco: I would like to piss, it's rough. I've been shaking up in this train nearly ten hours now.
Cpl. Wallace: You smell like a pig already. Let's try not to make things any worse.
Blondie: The way I figure, there's really not too much future with a sawed-off runt like you.
Jackson: The name on the grave is... water
Tuco: In the cemetary, okay, in the grave okay! But it must have a name or a number on it! Talk, damn you!
Blondie: [has no choice but to let him die] Sorry, Shorty.
Union Captain at the Bridge: You'll all turn to dust,but one thing is sure, boys... Branston Bridge will stand unbroken.
Blondie: If you shoot me, you won't see a cent of that money.
Angel Eyes: [frowning] Why?
Blondie: I'll tell you why.
[Blondie kicks the coffin lid open]
Blondie: Cause there's nothin' in here!
Union Captain at the Bridge: [swinging a bottle of booze] The most potent weapon of war!
Angel Eyes: Why are you going under the name Bill Carson now?
Tuco: One name is as good as another. Not wise to use your own name. Like you! I'll bet they don't call you Angel Eyes! Sergeant Angel Eyes!
Angel Eyes: [as Wallace is beating Tuco] How's your digestion now?
Stevens: You're... from Baker... Tell Baker that I told him all that I know already. Tell him I want to live in peace, understand? That it's no use to go on tormenting me! I know nothing at all about that case of coins. Now that gold has disappeared, but if he'd listened, we could have avoided this altogether. I went to the Army court; there were no witnesses. They couldn't uncover any more. I can't tell Baker what happened to the money; go back and tell him that!
Sheriff: [shows Tuco the wanted poster] So you're an honest farmer, you recognize this man?
Sheriff: Yeah, it's you!
Tuco: Hey, who said so, huh? You can't even read!
[the Sheriff rolls up the poster]
Tuco: Roll it up, roll it up! I'll give you a good idea where you can put it!
Tuco: [trying to read a grave that is marked "Unknown"] Un-k... un-k... there's no name on it.
Blondie: [showing him a stone] There's no name here, either. See, that's what Bill Carson told me. It was the grave marked "Unknown", right beside Arch Stanton.