That Darn Cat! (1965)
Wilbur MacDougall(Mr. MacDougall): Good night, old woman, I can't hear a word you're saying, but whatever it is, I disagree with you one hundred percent!
Patti Randall: Now, just a minute, Gregory, D.C.'s a cat! He can't help his instincts. He's a hunter, just like you are. Only he's not stupid enough to stand out in the pouring rain all day!
Zeke Kelso: You mean you want me to tail the cat as if he's a person?
Supervisor, Mr. Newton: Unless it would be easier to tail him as a cat.
Ingrid Randall: You'll do nothing. You'll get Tom Swift, or whoever that is, and his electric scoreboard, or whatever that thing is, out of my room or I'm going to call the police.
Ingrid Randall: Be careful Gregory, be extremely careful about what you say! I haven't had my coffee yet, and I'm in no mood for stupid, irresponsible remarks.
Gregory Benson: Oh.
Landlady: Hold it! Who do you think you're kidding?
Iggy: What do you mean?
Landlady: You think I don't know what's going on upstairs?
Iggy: You do?
Landlady: I didn't come in from Stupidsville on last night's bus! You've got a woman in that apartment.
Iggy: Wow, hold it! What kind of talk is that?
Landlady: Don't double-talk me! I've got ears, haven't I?
Iggy: It's Dan's mother, you see she came down all un-expected like.
Landlady: I don't care if it's Pocahontas!
Gregory Benson: [Patti answers the door to him, when making an intrusive knock] Okay, where's the duck?
Patti Randall: I beg your pardon?
Gregory Benson: [Gregory Benson then shouted extremely loud saying] I want my duck!
Patti Randall: Your duck?
Gregory Benson: If you please...
Patti Randall: I'm sorry, Gregory, but I really don't know what you are talking about.
Gregory Benson: Ooh! Where is that sneaky, miserable guttersnipe! He's got my duck!
Patti Randall: What duck?
Ingrid Randall: Say!
Patti Randall: Shush!
Ingrid Randall: What do you mean shush? This is my room!
Zeke Kelso: Patti! I'm gonna have to ask you to quiet down, and that goes for you too!
[first meeting of Zeke Kelso & Ingrid Randall]
Zeke Kelso: Why, hello there.
Ingrid Randall: Who are you! How do you get off telling me to be quiet in my own room!
[Zeke Kelso then pulled out his FBI badge, to show to show it to Ingrid Marshall]
Ingrid Randall: What's this thing supposed to be, I don't know anything about that stuff.
Patti Randall: Canoe, this is just a wild idea, but has it occurred to you that there might be more to life than just surfing and eating?
Canoe Henderson: Like what?
Patti Randall: Forget it, I just realized I was talking to myself.
Zeke Kelso: Miss Randall, I'm afraid you underestimate me. We shall proceed with the pawprinting.
Ingrid Randall: You know, that fellow has the most attractive way of putting his foot in his mouth. What did you say his name is?
Patti Randall: Couldn't we just once see a nice quiet movie where boy meets girl, they have problems which aren't too weird, they fall in love and live happily ever after?
Canoe Henderson: Now, why would you wanna see a lot of unhealthy stuff like that?
Patti Randall: I don't know. Maybe just for once, I'd like to go to a movie where I don't get seasick.
Canoe Henderson: All right, I'll make you a deal. Well, you go with me to the drive-in Thursday night, and next week I'll take you to one of those happily-ever-after clambakes. Deal?
Patti Randall: I guess.
Canoe Henderson: Where's the 'thing' playing?
Patti Randall: Oh, who knows, maybe they don't even make movies like that anymore.
Canoe Henderson: Well sure, and you want to know why? Because people don't wanna be depressed by all that slop.
Margaret Miller: I wouldn't make a break. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't.
[Margaret Miller then holds her hands together, for mercy]
Dan: Okay. But I've got friends. I've got ten little lead-nosed friends in here, and they all run faster than you do, Moms.
Patti Randall: Watch the crumbs, will you fellas?
Canoe Henderson: [Canoe then immitated Patti, to DC] Pass the word, watch the crumbs.
[Canoe then sweept the crumbs under the couch, and wiped his hands off, on the Randall's drapes]
Ingrid Randall: Can you imagine his wife? Mrs. Zeke Kelso... sounds like something that got caught in a clothes dryer.
Zeke Kelso: Do you have any regulars, or people going in and out of the house all the time?
Patti Randall: Father always complained that we were running a rehab center for punch-drunk juveniles.
Canoe Henderson: Oh, I don't know what's gotten into me, I'm all churned up inside!
Patti Randall: I'll tell you what. Why don't you go over to the snack-stand and get yourself a nice pizza. to settle your stomach.
Canoe Henderson: [whining tone] I don't feel like a pizza!
Patti Randall: Well, for Pete's sake, will you stop grumbling and watch the movie?
Canoe Henderson: [Canoe lost his temper] Oh, all these surfing pictures look alike!
Dan: [to Margaret Miller] Well, don't just stand there flappin' your ears, Mom. Make with the cooking.
Canoe Henderson: [at Patti's front door, he suddenly hears a loud shriek of a man] What was that?
Patti Randall: What was what?
Canoe Henderson: That blood-curdling scream.
Patti Randall: Canoe, will you just go?
Canoe Henderson: Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I didn't realize I was butting in on a murder.
Patti Randall: [Canoe was knocking on Patti's front door, while Zeke was being pawprinting DC] Oh, Canoe!
Zeke Kelso: [Zeke Kelso then thought Patti asked "Can you"? after hearing Patti say Canoe's name] Can I what?
Patti Randall: [Patti just discovered Margaret Miller's wristwatch, around DC's neck] D.C.'s wearing a wristwatch.
Ingrid Randall: What's the matter? Well, well, what will that sweet innocent cat be bringing home next? The Hope Diamond, I imagine.
[after Iggy turns fan on to clear away the smoke, the numerous dollar bills of money start flying out of the suitcase]
Dan: [irately, after turning fan off] What goes on in that pea brain of yours?
Iggy: [weak smile] I forgot about the loot! Forgot. Forgot.
Patti Randall: [Inkie is Patti's nickname to Ingrid] Have a nice day, at the office, Inkie.
Ingrid Randall: Patti, you've got that terrible "butter-won't-melt-in-your-mouth" expression. I know what's going on, in your tiny little mind and I absolutely forbid it.
Zeke Kelso: [just after walking into drive-in] I bet you've got a lot of mice, in here.
Drive-in Manager: Sir, a mouse is no more permitted in here, than a man without a car.
Kipp MacDougall(Mrs. MacDougall): [to the policemen that just brought her home] You might as well wait for me.
[much louder voice]
Kipp MacDougall(Mrs. MacDougall): I'm going into the house to murder someone!
Kipp MacDougall(Mrs. MacDougall): [as she starts to walk to the house] Oh, Wilbur, don't try to hide. Come out and take your medicine like a man. Wilbur!
[when Wilbur MacDougall, heard Kipp's voice and threatening remark, he quickly grabbed his hat and ran away out the back door to avoid being seen by Kipp. Then the movie closing credits begin]
Dan: 40,000 pads in this town and you gotta to pick one over a human radar set! Not only that, shes got a sister visiting who don't sleep good 'cause she's the head roach at the state birdhouse!
Iggy: Hey, it was a quarter million, wasn't it?
Margaret Miller: [Margaret Miller, gagged, shook her head, no]
Iggy: Two hundred grand?
Margaret Miller: [Margaret Miller, gagged, shook her head, no again]
Iggy: Not one lousy hundred and sixty?
Margaret Miller: [Margaret Miller, gagged, nodded her head, yes this time]
[Iggy then made a fist, threatening to hit Margaret Mitchell in her mouth, but Dan prevented it]
Iggy: [to Margaret Miller] Make mine well. I can't stand the sight of blood.
Dan: [to Margaret Miller] Some desperate character I got for a partner, huh Mom?
Patti Randall: [Patty is inside Hofstedder's Jewelry Store, just before she called the FBI as 'Daphne Hofstedder' with accented voice] Now, I know you very well, and you're a sweet man and you would never forgive yourself if something terrible happened to Margaret Miller, and it could. I can just see it in the newspaper headlines "Mister Hofstedder, He Could Have Saved Her".
Patti Randall: [accent] This is Daphne Hofstedder speaking, of Hofstedder's Jewelry Store, 1833 West Mapleton Avenue.
Zeke Kelso: Yes, Miss Hofstedder, how may I help you?
Patti Randall: [accent] I heard you were looking for information, concerning a certain watch.
Zeke Kelso: Yes, we are.
Patti Randall: [accent] Well, a couple of weeks ago, a woman came into the shop, to buy a band, for her watch. Uh, what was the name? Oh, Miss Margaret Miller.
Zeke Kelso: Margaret Miller? Will you describe this band you sold to Miss Miller?
Patti Randall: [accent] Seventeen jewels, rather rectangular shaped, with raised filigree... things on the face.
Zeke Kelso: Rectangular with raised filigree. Miss Hofstedder, may I ask why you haven't come forward earlier, with this information?
Patti Randall: [accent] Well, I was away on my holiday... to Mexico... on a bus.
Zeke Kelso: Will you be in town, Miss Hofstedder?
Patti Randall: [accent] Yes. I'll be here anytime you want to talk to me, on the phone.
Zeke Kelso: Thank you very much for your information. Goodbye.
[Zeke Kelso then hung up telephone]
Zeke Kelso: [Patti's phone call restarted Zeke Kelso's temporarily stopped job of following DC Randall that lead to the rescue of kidnapped banker Margaret Miller, later in the same evening and solved the FBI issue]
Mr. Hofstedder: [to Patty, after she entered his jewelry store & just before her call to resume the FBI's following DC that rescued Margaret Miller later that evening] Do I look like Eliot Ness?
Supervisor, Mr. Newton: I'm speaking for Mister Kelso, at 626 double-o 2 5.
Supervisor, Mr. Newton: Did you make a call to this number, a few moments ago?
Mr. Hofstedder: [whispering to Patti, it's the FBI] Yes. Yes, that was us. She sold it, she's from Mexico. I'm Mr. Hofstedder. The wristband, my neice sold it, she's from Mexico.
[after the phone call ends]
Mr. Hofstedder: I wonder what they meant, when they said they wouldn't forget me.
[then he covers his mouth, as if in fear]
[arguing with Dan and Iggy when a $20 bill starts to fall from the ceiling, to her]
Landlady: And I don't care, this is gonna cost you.
[a twenty-dollar bill fell into her hands but Iggy quickly & quietly pickpocketed it back]
Landlady: Twenty bucks! Well, I guess that makes us even.
[first lines, after introductory song concluded]
Iggy: [as Iggy buys four different newspapers, Iggy sees DC smelling the salmon, he had just purchased] Hey, what do you say fella? Hey, you're taking my food, huh?
Margaret Miller: [looking out a window]
Dan: [Dan pulled Margaret Miller, away from window] Back away from that window!
Margaret Miller: [Margaret Miller retreats back]
Dan: [to Iggy who's oblivious reading a newspaper] Why don't you just let her stick her head out the window and yell for help, you meathead?
Iggy: [still oblivious] What'd I do?
Wilbur MacDougall(Mr. MacDougall): [immediately after Kipp MacDougall left the house to snoop, Wilbur MacDaogall went to the telephone, to call the police, on her!] I always say, if you got a duty, you ought to do it.
Wilbur MacDougall(Mr. MacDougall): [speaking to the telephone operator] Get me the police.
Wilbur MacDougall(Mr. MacDougall): [after operator connected him to the police] Police? I want to report a prowler. Yeah, he's dressed like an old woman. Running around, looking in windows. No telling what he's up to. Yeah, and tell your men to be careful. He's dangerous!
Patti Randall: [Patti, to FBI Supervisor Newton, while he is at the Marshall's house one evening, speaking of DC] He's really diabolically clever.
[DC are initials of Darn Cat! and Diabolically Clever!]
[after seeing DC again]
Iggy: [happily] Hey, fella, where did you come from, huh? I got a little business to do, then I'll give you some milk.
Dan: [by DC's collar, after DC went in the apartment building, Zeke Kelso located Margaret Miller's kidnappers, hearing Dan's remark] Get rid of that cat, go in and finish her off.
Iggy: Think it's better to do the job here, or in the truck?
Dan: Here. So we don't have to fight her down the stairs.
Zeke Kelso: This is it Control, 1-3-2 Eighth Street.
[Zeke Kelso spoke out the house number, 132 almost like spelling, saying the numerals slowly as one-three-two: 132 Eighth Street]
Supervisor, Mr. Newton: Kelso, you hold off 'til we get there.
Zeke Kelso: [upon hearing Margaret Miller's voice] I can't wait sir. I've got a situation, that's breaking wide open.
Zeke Kelso: [looking under Ingrid Mershall's bed] That
Zeke Kelso: cat!
[after first evening of following DC, DC lead the four agents, Spires, Graham, Kelly & Cahill back to the Randall's home]
Patti Randall: We have to cooperate.
Ingrid Randall: Of course we do but the FBI has gotten along all these years without using my room as a base of operation. Right? Now, I want Mr. Whoever-he-is, and his ham radio or whatever that is, out of my room by the time I get home, or I'm going to become very difficult.
Patti Randall: [Patti quickly walks out her front door] Do you want to miss Night of the Surfer, starring Git Gladsby, "King of the Roaring Surf"?
[as DC is near the front door opening]
Mr. Bartel delicatessen owner: Get out of here!
[he then shuts his business door]
[speaking in Old English, to 4 FBI agents: Spires, Graham, Graham & Cahill, as Kelso is informing them that DC is a cat that may trail the two criminals]
Zeke Kelso: Whither he goest, you will go.
[Patti picked up the spare micrphoned cat collar and takes Ingrid to another room, in their house, for Zeke Kelso to find her, with the FBI locating device]
Ingrid Randall: [Ingrid speaking with microphoned spare cat collar] Mister Kelso... if you don't mind, let's get going.
Zeke Kelso: Be patient, it's not nine o'clock yet.
Ingrid Randall: [just as Zeke Kelso sneezed] Let's get going.
Zeke Kelso: [Zeke Kelso acted as he thought the cat really spoke English] Now, wait a minute. Let's pull ourselves together, here a minute.
Ingrid Randall: [louder and angrily] Patti, you little wretch, let m out of here, I'm suffocating!
Zeke Kelso: Oh.
Ingrid Randall: [Ingrid angrily pounds on the closet door] Hey!
[Ingrid pounds on the closet door again]
Ingrid Randall: Let me out of here!
Zeke Kelso: I'll get you out. Patti's gone to the movies.
Ingrid Randall: Gone to the movies?
Zeke Kelso: There's something that seems to be stuck here.
Ingrid Randall: Well, open it. There's no air, I'm suffocating!
Zeke Kelso: Yeah, well don't worry, I'll go get a screwdriver.
Ingrid Randall: I'm suffocating! Get me out of here!
Zeke Kelso: [DC starts to leave the house] I'm sorry, I've got to follow it.
Ingrid Randall: Don't you dare follow that cat! Let me out of here! There's no air!
Zeke Kelso: I'll be back. Probably just an hour or two. Lie down on the floor, there's usually more air down there.
[Zeke Kelso then tried waving air through the door, to Ingrid]
Ingrid Randall: I'm gonna scream!
Zeke Kelso: Worst thing you can do. It uses up all the air.
Kipp MacDougall(Mrs. MacDougall): [Ingrid Marshall screamed extremely loud and hard] I distinctly heard a woman scream.
[Wilbur MacDougall grabbed Kipp MacDougall's arm to keep her at the kitchen sink]
Wilbur MacDougall(Mr. MacDougall): If you don't keep away, you're going to hear another.
Zeke Kelso: [DC left the house, while Zeke Kelso on dis-connecting the closet door hinges, that Ingrid was apparently locked in] Okay, push.
[the closet door opens, knocking Zeke Kelso onto the bed, behind him]
Zeke Kelso: I'd have that latched fixed. Especially, if you go in there a lot. Excuse me, but I've got to run. I just hope I haven't lost the cat.
Ingrid Randall: [as Ingrid catches her breath, she speaks irately] Go ahead and follow that cat. And when you find him, do me a favor. The both of you just stay there!
Zeke Kelso: [shortly after Zeke Kelso freed Ingrid Marshall from the locked closet, he starts his search for DC, and DC is next to a motor cylist, that is about to start the engine] Oh!
[Zeke Kelso's remark was from the motorcycle starting]
Zeke Kelso: [the motorcycle driver, starting its engine almost broke, injured or deafened Zeke Kelso's ear drum]