Marriage on the Rocks (1965)
Dan Edwards: One of these days all these girls are going to show up at the same time and you are going to get shot.
Ernie Brewer: Oh but what a cuckoo firing squad.
Shad Nathan: You're emotionally upset, have a glass of water.
Valerie Edwards: I don't want a glass of water, I want a divorce!
Dan Edwards: Why don't you settle down and get married, find a nice girl.
Ernie Brewer: I did; but, you married her.
Dan Edwards: Oh, she just picked the better man.
Ernie Brewer: Yeah and you ought to be ashamed of yourself, eloping with an 18-year old kid and here I am in the twilight of my life, approaching middle age, a lonely bachelor. And what have I got?
Dan Edwards: Only the best collection of dames in the town.
Saleslady at Saks: Now, this
Saleslady at Saks: just came in, direct from Paris and it looks like you. It's called Viva la Derriere. Trust me. It will be perfect for what you want.
Valerie Edwards: Wow! It better do what I want. It costs more than a washing machine.
Saleslady at Saks: Now, listen, this will do things a washing machine never even thought of.
Valerie Edwards: Oh, sit down, Ernie, I'm not trying to make a pass at you. I'm merely trying to find out if anything's wrong with me.
Ernie Brewer: There's nothing wrong with you, Val, you're just as attractive today as you were the day I met you. In fact, I think you're much better looking now than you were then. And if I'm right, you were quite skinny.
Valerie Edwards: I wasn't skinny, I was 18. There's a difference.
Ernie Brewer: Now, let me see, an application. The position is secretary. Oh, here it is. Well, it says here your first name is Kitty.
Kitty: Uh-huh, with two t's.
Ernie Brewer: Mr. Turner, if your cars are built half as good as those girls, you're home free.
Shad Nathan: Now, I get the picture. Dan is pre-occupied with his work. He feels sure of you. You feel neglected. You're getting a little older.
Valerie Edwards: A lot older! I told you, I'm a realist.
Shad Nathan: And, you're starting to feel insecure. Now, what do we do about it?
Valerie Edwards: We stop playing analyst and we sit down and draw up the divorce papers. Everybodies getting a divorce. I'll be one of the IN people.
Shad Nathan: The basis for an annulment is the non-consummation of a marriage.
Valerie Edwards: Well, that's obvious. I only love Dan. I merely substituted Ernie for your black negligee.
Miss Blight: Mr. Brewer, our quota is 30 letters a day. We must make our quota.
Ernie Brewer: I know what we'll do Miss Blight. Why don't you write them and I'll just sign them.
Miss Blight: Oh, now, it won't take too long. My shorthand is 150 and my typing is 100.
Ernie Brewer: And Lola was 38-22-36.
Miss Blight: I beg pardon?
Ernie Brewer: I'm just dreaming. Just dreaming!