The Ipcress File (1965)
Major Dalby: The next time you use CC1 authority, just you make sure you have it!
Palmer: You know, it's funny... If Radcliffe had been here, I'd have been... a hero.
Major Dalby: He wasn't. And you're not.
Palmer: The fellow whose job I'm taking, will he show me the ropes?
Major Dalby: Maybe - if you're in touch with the spirit world.
Palmer: I beg your pardon?
Major Dalby: He was shot this morning.
Raid Inspector: It looks as if all this has been laid on for nothing. That's not good enough.
Major Dalby: According to Central Clearing House, this operation was timed to start at 2.25. You started at 2.35. *That*'s not good enough!
Colonel Ross: [after Palmer has shot Dalby] I was counting on you being an insubordinate bastard, Palmer.
[Palmer prepares to leave]
Inspector Keightley: Now wait a minute. What about her telephone number?
Palmer: Oh... Disconnected!
Colonel Ross: [telling Palmer about his upcoming transfer to Major Dalby's department] You won't have much time for cooking. Dalby *works* his men. And he doesn't have my sense of humor.
Palmer: [Said with a straight face] Yes, sir. I will miss that, sir.
Major Dalby: [of Palmer's dossier] It isn't usual to read a B107 to its subject, Palmer; but I'm gonna put you straight. "Insubordinate. Insolent. A trickster. Perhaps with criminal tendencies."
Palmer: Yes, that's a pretty fair appraisal - sir.
Major Dalby: Good. That last quality might be useful. But if I have any trouble with you, Palmer, I shall *bite* you, Palmer, and I shall bite you so hard you'll go right back to where Ross found you!
[Palmer and Dalby are attending a performance of a military band playing Mozart]
Palmer: Very neat. Must we sit through any more of this torture? I've got a lot of things to do.
Major Dalby: I think they're playing very well.
Palmer: Tell me who wins.
[gets up and leaves]
Colonel Ross: [shopping with Palmer] Beef-A-Roni? Extraordinary.
Inspector Keightley: That little blonde bird you was with the other evening...
Inspector Keightley: That's it. What's her phone number?
Palmer: You dirty old man!
Inspector Keightley: Well, you scratch my back and I'll scratch hers.
Palmer: You ought to be locked up!
Inspector Keightley: I know.
Carswell: Don't worry, man. You were the only one to come up with anything. He seemed very pleased.
Palmer: Well, he's got a right comical way of showing it.
Palmer: You didn't come here to talk to me about button mushrooms and birds.
[Courtney has found a gun in Palmer's apartment]
Courtney: You know this is unauthorised.
Palmer: My mother gave it to me for Christmas.
[Carswell is showing Palmer the title of a book]
Palmer: [reads] "Induction of Psychoneuroses by Conditioned Reflex Under Stress". What does that mean?
Carswell: It means I know now why 17 scientists ceased to function.
Carswell: Look again, boy...
Carswell: [points out the essential letters of the title] I-P-C-R-E-S-S.
Palmer: [Inside the modern grocery store] I haven't seen you here before, sir.
Colonel Ross: No, well, I don't, um, really care for these American... shopping methods. One has to move with the times, I suppose, hmm?
[Palmer comes home early to find agent Courtney searching his flat]
Courtney: You're supposed to be at work.
Palmer: Oh, you are, of course.
Palmer: Have you seen everything?
Courtney: Yes, thank you.
Palmer: Then you know where the... whiskey is?
Palmer: Fix us both one, will you?
Bluejay: [to a guard] See that there's padding on those straps next time.
Palmer: You want to make it easy for me?
Bluejay: No. For *me*.
Palmer: What are you gonna tell Dalby on your L101?
Courtney: That you like girls.
Palmer: You got that right.
Courtney: You're not the tearaway he thinks you are. You also like books, music, cooking.
Palmer: I like birds best.
Palmer: [Reporting to Col. Ross's office] Sergeant Palmer, reporting as ordered.
Colonel Ross: Close the door... And don't slouch into my office like a pregnant camel. Stand to attention.
Courtney: You were bailed out of detention barracks.
Palmer: Yes, I was.
Courtney: So, What bailed you in?
Palmer: Er... I was stationed in Berlin and I was making rather a lot of money out of the German army, and they insisted that the British army made an example of me.
Courtney: What did you do?
Palmer: It's very complicated.
Courtney: It impressed Ross.
Palmer: It impressed me. Boy, has he got me by the short hairs for it. Still, it's better than two years in the nick. The food's terrible.
Major Dalby: And we still have to find Radcliffe, gentlemen. That means more legwork and fewer inspired hunches.
Colonel Ross: [Inside a modern grocery store, picking up a can of mushrooms out of Palmer's shopping cart] "Champignons"... You're paying ten pence more for a fancy French label. If you want mushrooms, you'd get better value on the next shelf.
Palmer: It's not just the label. These *do* have a better flavor.
Colonel Ross: Of course... You're quite the gourmet, aren't you?
Major Dalby: Congratulations, Palmer. You've just killed an American agent.
First Agent: [Palmer is late in arriving for his surveillance shift] You should get up in the morning. Twenty minutes late you are, you know.
Palmer: Anything new?
First Agent: It's all in the report. And it's neat and tidy - unlike some. You ought to remember you're still in the Army, boyo
Palmer: I'll tell you what, you remember for me.
Major Dalby: A word in your shell-like ear: If there's anything to be reported to Ross, *I* report it. Understand?
Palmer: Yes, sir.