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| Index | 212 reviews in total |
50 out of 62 people found the following review useful:
Paging Edward D. Wood, 22 January 2005
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Author:
amherst5282 from United States
If the fabulously awful yet admirably enthusiastic director Ed Wood had
ever made a kids' holiday flick, this would have been it.
This movie is not bad, if by bad you mean boring and a waste of time.
It's spectacularly appalling, the way "Plan 9" is. They obviously had a
budget of about fifty bucks to make this, and it shows.
But some of us love these evidences that once upon a time in America
there was such a thing as real independent cinema, and all-afternoon
multi-feature holiday shows at neighborhood theaters that only had one
screen, and sing-along events built into kids' movies, and fun that
didn't depend on multi-billion dollar special effects.
This is one of those movies that you will laugh at and make fun of, yet
long for the days when local, independent television stations aired it
on a Saturday afternoon before Christmas. You'll make jokes about it,
but catch yourself absentmindedly humming "Hooray for Santy Claus!" for
the rest of your life. And you'll amaze your friends with -- "I know
what movie Pia Zadora made her debut in, and you don't!"
42 out of 49 people found the following review useful:
Can something this dumb really be harmless?, 25 April 2005
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Author:
mstomaso from Vulcan
Maybe I have a soft spot somewhere in my heart for poorly written,
badly conceived, silly 1960s children's movies - but I really can't
understand why Santa Claus versus the Martians is in the worst 100
movies of all time here on IMDb. Sure, most viewers will breathe a sigh
of relief when it ends, but this film really seems downright harmless
compared to the six month old Kennel Ration Hollywood has been feeding
us as commercial film for the last ten or so years. Hey, at least it's
not a remake, a sequel, or a 2 hour long CGI cartoon with a few human
faces tossed in for effect.
Santa Claus gets kidnapped by distraught martians (white guys with bad
green makeup and a few dishwasher parts glued to their heads, as well
as inexplicable capes), who want to rescue their depressive, antisocial
children from the doldrums by giving them all toys and a big red-suited
guy with a beard to laugh at... err... with. Santa adapts to life on
Mars very well and starts cranking out the toys with the help of
Martian machines, but political controversies surrounding his
activities soon threaten the fabric of Martian Society.
I'm not kidding.... really.... this is the plot.
Aside from the ludicrous plot and mediocre acting (Bill McCutcheon
gives the only really enjoyable performance in this film, though Pia
Zadora and Vincent Beck are not too bad), this is no worse than many of
the kid films of its time. In the age of ADD and general impatience,
however, this film is more than a little dated. The only modern kid I
can imagine enjoying this film is one with an extraordinarily great
attention span and a penchant for B-films. In terms of production, this
film has the feel of a 2 hour, 1960s low budget TV show, and is almost
as clever.
I would recommend avoiding this film unless you're compelled to watch
films which go to extremes. I found it cute, funny, and more than a tad
ridiculous. To most people, it's a film version of your great Aunt's
wallpaper - it's just there on the TV, while far more interesting
things are happening in the carpet below your feet.
50 out of 65 people found the following review useful:
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians... and our hearts., 11 June 2001
Author:
zmaturin from Pleasant Valley
I really enjoy this silly little holiday flick. A bunch of serious Martian
adults are afraid that their serious Martian children are too serious, so
they go to a serious Martian senior citizen. The old guy tells them that the
children need to be taught how to laugh, and then he explodes for no reason.
The only logical thing left to do, of course, is go to Earth and kidnap
Santa Claus, who we meet as he is being interviewed by the Rip Taylor-like
Andy Anderson. I liked how in the movie's universe, Santa is unquestionably
real and everyone knows about him. He really does deliver toys to everyone,
toys made by a dozen elves (who all look like they're suffering from
mini-seasonal depression). One toy shown is a toy rocket that runs on "real
rocket fuel", Santa proudly explains. I would ask, "Where do little kids get
rocket fuel?" The details of Santa's amazingly speedy mass distribution
methods are not brought up, but it's probably black magic-related.
The Martians nab Kris Kringle and two little Earth children, who seem
to
live alone in the woods with no parents or family but are clean and
well
fed. The Martian leader forces Santa and the children to run their soulless
toy machine (Soulless Toy Machine would be a good name for a band). Despite
the numerous violations of human rights, it's all in good fun and everybody
is nice and happy, except for one mean Martian (with a disturbing droopy
mustache and a sidekick that looks like Jamie Farr) who plots to kidnap
Santa (even though he's already been kidnapped). Santa encourages the kids,
even the Martian kids who have now learned to have fun, to hurl lots of
heavy mid-sixties toys at the bad guy's skulls. Through this display of
parental negligence and bad music the evil is thwarted, and Santa is
permitted to go back to Earth, letting the mewling half-wit comic relief
Martian named Droppo take over the reigns of the Martian Toy Empire. (The
Martians are out-of-shape guys in tights and helmets with antenna sprouting
out of them, and what looks like diarrhea smeared across their faces.
Imagine a guy dressed like that mugging worse than the teacher guy in Juan
Piquor Simon's "Monster Island" and that's Droppo).
How can you hate this movie? If I were a little kid in 1964 I'd
be
enthralled. They packed this movie with nutty stuff. Elves get shot
with
freeze rays. Mrs. Claus is a frantic goofball. The Martian children sleep
under strange lights and eat only pills. The bad guy's hideout looks like
that one King Crimson album cover. I loved the part where the villain tries
to shoot Santa and the kids out of an airlock, and the part where the bad
guys meddle with the toy machine and the toys come out all mixed-up. There's
a guy in a goofy robot costume, and a guy in an even goofier polar bear
costume. And that deliciously idiotic theme song- "You spell it S-A-N-T-A
C-L-A-U-S, Hooray for Santy Claus!" Oh, it's so good!
I sincerely feel the people making this had the best intentions, and while
they didn't have a huge budget they made a fun, silly kids movie. If it was
the same exact movie but done in Rudolf-style stop motion animation it would
be a regular holiday viewing tradition.
Oh, yeah, and Pia Zadora is in this, as if anyone cares.
40 out of 52 people found the following review useful:
The best worst awful awesome movie ever!, 31 May 2006
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Author:
Torgo_Approves from El Paso!
(r#30)
Basically everything is wrong about this film, and that's what makes it
so great. It's hysterical, but even as you're laughing yourself
breathless you can't help but feel bad inside that you're actually
chewing down this rotten junk food. Because that's what Santa Claus
Conquers the Martians is: a case of food poisoning. There are layers
and layers of awfulness in this movie, and it really is an
unforgettable experience. The actors are all stoned out of their minds
and extremely ugly. The title pretty much explains the plot, although
there's not really a lot of "conquering". Maybe a better title would
have been "Santa Claus Laughs at Inappropriate Times while Hanging Out
with Bad Actors in Silly Outfits"? Just saying. I know it isn't as
catchy, but at least it's not deceiving.
It would be impossible to sum up all the stuff that sucks about this
film, so I'll break it down into what I remember most strongly: a man
in an ingeniously fake-looking polar bear costume (funnier than the
"bear" from Hercules in New York); an extra with the most unnatural
laugh you're ever likely to hear; an ex-dope addict martian with tics;
kid actors who make sure every syllable of their lines are slowly and
caaarreee-fulll-yyy prrooo-noun-ceeed; a newspaper headline stating
that Santa's been "kidnaped", and a giant robot. Yes, you read that
right. A giant robot.
The worst acting job in here must be when Mother Claus and her elves
have been "frozen" by the "Martians'" weapons. Could they be *more*
trembling? I know this was the sixties and everyone was doped up, but
still.
This wins the Dung Beetle Award of the year. Destined to become a
Christmas classic for me!
28 out of 38 people found the following review useful:
Absolute Genius!!!, 16 June 2006
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Author:
XDevonousX from United States
This is truly the worst movie I have ever seen, but it really goes beyond that. Something this stunningly terrible simply had to be done on purpose. Every joke, every "special effect" every background, every costume is done without any kind of thought as to not looking like it was done in under fifty seconds. This film brings artistry to sub-mediocrity. Something so basely horrible defies the physics of cinematography. I could not make a worse movie if I spent absolutely no time at all making it. Someone really, really tried to make this piece of gold stink like a thousand dead scatologists. If you have a dollar on you the next time you pass by your local dollar store, do yourself a favor and revel in the worst thing you can imagine.
20 out of 23 people found the following review useful:
An American Classic of Bad Cinema, 27 January 2007
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Author:
JH_Kalashnikov from United States
First I saw "Reefer Madness." It was bad, but great.
Then I saw "Plan 9 From Outer Space." Horrible, but enjoyable.
After that I saw "Robot Monster." Awful and yet spectacular.
Finally, I saw "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" Wow, how can you
make a lame plot for a screenplay worse? By making a low budget film
out of it. And that's just what Joseph Levine thought when he released
this film onto an unsuspecting Earth. Now I ask you, is this indeed the
WORST film of all time? My opinion: NO. In my translation of the
meaning "bad film" means "unbearable, unwatchable and disposable." Not
"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians." This film is a landmark in the
American motion picture industry. The makers of this film actually had
the guts to create and release this film. Now that takes some serious
talent! Let's not forget the actors either. Surprisingly the acting
isn't nearly as bad as it's made out to be (people confuse the 'acting'
with the 'plot.'). The children, the Martians and even Santa Claus make
one heck of an impression on a shoe-string budget film like this (don't
forget that weird professor Albert Einstein wannabe). Above all, clever
a production design really create a fine sense of cheesiness. Now, how
about a brand new DVD 'Special Cheesy Edition' of "Santa Claus Conquers
the Martians?"
"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is a rare and satisfying little gem
of a film that broke, no, shattered all the rules of making a "good and
enjoyable" movie. Now if only the bad films we get nowadays would be as
bad as this one. Then they would actually be deemed "enjoyable."
I give "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" 5 frozen-stiff elves zapped
by Voldar, out of 5.
A true cinematic cult classic.
16 out of 21 people found the following review useful:
Santa Conquers ALL, 9 April 2007
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Author:
Snakeeyez187 from United Kingdom
Every year on Christmas Eve me and my friend exchange strange gifts
with each other. Last Christmas I gave him a bike with no wheels and he
gave me a video which his grand-dad gave to him once upon a time. The
video was called, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians", I instantly
thought "omdays I so have to watch this!", and I did. I was hooked.
SANTA VS. ET = $$$. This movie would be the wet dream for any movie
watching fanboy, as I reiterate, this is SANTA VS MARTIANS for God
sake! How can you NOT want to watch this and NOT like it?
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a brilliant film made for the
brilliant mind. Simple brains can't comprehend the beauty and raw voice
that it embodies. People who say "I don't get it" or "it was boring"
just wouldn't know a good film if it came and whacked them upside the
a**.
5 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
A film you won't forget... ever., 19 January 2011
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Author:
sharktrooper21 from United States
The title pretty mush somes up what kind of movie we have here. That is
cheesy, dumb, and wrong on so many levels. In other words, the perfect
film for MST3K.
I don't really need to how bad it is but there is only one msytery that
eludes me. Who the hell thought that this might a good enough idea to
put money to fund a film like this? I can only think of two reasons:
1. Since it's a holiday film, they thought they could get away with it.
2. It was made in Canada.
Still I love the MST version and can't think of a better film that
could serve as their Chrismas special. Also I never noticed prior to
watching this that Santa is smoking. An icon for children everywhere is
smoking out of a pipe! Hilarious!
2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Not terrible if you think a bit, 6 November 2011
Author:
Pete from United States
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
This film is regarded as a "turkey" and one of those films that's "so
bad it's good." There are several things to consider when reviewing
this film, but the most important considerations are the time it was
made and the intended audience.
Santa Claus Conquers The Martians was made in 1964. Anyone who was a
child around 1964 can tell you it was an innocent time compared to
today. Kids genuinely believed in Santa Claus then. One must also
consider a child's concept of Martians, robots, and space travel in
1964. The cheesy Martian makeup and the clunky robot may evoke laughter
to a modern audience, but a child's toy collection in 1964 might have
had a Marx tin robot toy that looked very much like the one featured in
this film.
I was born in 1968, and I remember watching this movie on commercial
television in the early 70s with my mother. Adult viewers today see the
story, set design, and effects as cheap and silly, but to a child in
the 60s and 70s, this film was perfect Christmas viewing. It's
important to remember that this film was intended for children, and
more specifically, children from a specific time in history. Not all
films are timeless, and this one can be regarded as a time capsule,
showing just how innocent kids were 50 years ago.
The premise that Santa was real and had adventures beyond his annual
duties was just fun for kids. I can't imagine this film having the bad
reputation it has if it were done as one of the Rankin-Bass animated
Christmas specials.
A look at the cast also reveals that all of the adult actors were
professionals from stage and other film productions. I found the line
delivery and acting to be sincere, and it's obvious that the cast did
this because they loved their children. If this were done as a stage
production, the audience would laugh along with the silliness, but kids
would be mesmerized. And that's another thing to consider: the movie's
costumes and set design actually seem more suited to a stage play
rather than a film.
I'd say if you watch this film expecting some kind of sci-fi classic,
you'll be disappointed. But if you look at it from a historical point
of view, and consider that it's a play made with love for children who
believed Santa Claus would visit them soon, you might see it in a
different light.
2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
People Need To Lighten Up About This Movie, 14 January 2010
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Author:
sddavis63 (revsdd@gmail.com) from Niagara Region, Ontario, Canada
This is certainly a consensus pick as one of the worst (if not the worst) movies ever made - and for that very reason I've always wanted to watch it. Now I have, and my suggestion to everyone is - lighten up. Yes, it's bad. The sets are dreadful - worse than you used to see on Saturday morning kids' shows. The special effects are weak - although to be honest I've seen worse portrayals of space flight. And the costumes are hilarious - especially the polar bear and the robot. But come on - you have to admit that there's a certain "cuteness" to the story of Martians coming to earth to kidnap Santa Claus so that he can bring happiness to their children. All the characters are pretty one- dimensional. There's good guys and bad guys and fun guys and kids from both Earth and Mars. No one gets particularly well developed. And then, of course, there's Santa. In all honesty, I thought John Call did a decent job as the jolly old man. In this age of high tech special effects and big budget movies there's no doubt that this looks pretty weak - and even by the standards of 1964 it was still pretty weak. But it's good fun, and for the fun alone I don't think it deserves its reputation as one of the worst movies ever. What's left to say, except - "Hurray for Santy Claus!" 4/10
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