Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)

User Rating:

2.2/10   

Director:

Nicholas Webster

Writers:

Paul L. Jacobson (story)
Glenville Mareth (writer)

Release Date:

14 November 1964 (USA)

Genre:

Family | Fantasy | Sci-Fi

Tagline:

Blast off for Mars... with Santa and a pair of Earth kids! Blast off for Mars... with Santa and a pair of Earth kids! Science-Fun-Fiction at its height!

Plot:

The Martians kidnap Santa because there is nobody on Mars to give their children presents.

Plot Keywords:

Children | Martian | Mars | Christmas | Santa Claus

Cast

John Call	...	Santa Claus
Leonard Hicks	...	Kimar
Vincent Beck	...	Voldar
Bill McCutcheon	...	Dropo
Victor Stiles	...	Billy
Donna Conforti	...	Betty
Chris Month	...	Bomar
Pia Zadora	...	Girmar
Leila Martin	...	Momar
Charles Renn	...	Hargo
James Cahill	...	Rigna
Ned Wertimer	...	Andy Henderson
Doris Rich	...	Mrs. Claus
Carl Don	...	Chochem / Von Green
Ivor Bodin	...	Winky

Also Known As:

Santa Claus Defeats the Aliens (video title)

Runtime:

81 min | USA:86 min (DVD)

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color (Pathécolor)

Sound Mix:

Mono

Certification:

Canada:G (Manitoba/Quebec) | Canada:PG (Ontario) | Canada:PG (Nova Scotia) (2002) | UK:U (video rating) | USA:Unrated (2005 DVD release) | Australia:PG | USA:Not Rated

Filming Locations:

Roosevelt Field, Garden City, Long Island, New York, USA

Company:

Jalor Productions

Trivia:

The Air Force stock footage seen as the military "pursues" the Martians is the same footage used in the opening credit sequence of Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964).

Goofs:

Revealing mistakes: When Stobo looks in on the toy fight, the popping sounds and flying projectiles suddenly cease (film was stopped to put the ball in his mouth).

Quotes:

Santa Claus: Well, when Voldar "accidentally" left us in the airlock and then came up here and "accidentally" threw the door switch, we knew we had to get out of there in a hurry or that would be the end of us. Eh, uh, "accidentally," of course.

Movie Connections:

Featured in The Fly Papers: The Buzz on Hollywood's Scariest Insect (2000) (TV)

Soundtrack:

Horray For Santa Claus

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians... and our hearts.

I really enjoy this silly little holiday flick. A bunch of serious Martian adults are afraid that their serious Martian children are too serious, so they go to a serious Martian senior citizen. The old guy tells them that the children need to be taught how to laugh, and then he explodes for no reason. The only logical thing left to do, of course, is go to Earth and kidnap Santa Claus, who we meet as he is being interviewed by the Rip Taylor-like Andy Anderson. I liked how in the movie's universe, Santa is unquestionably real and everyone knows about him. He really does deliver toys to everyone, toys made by a dozen elves (who all look like they're suffering from mini-seasonal depression). One toy shown is a toy rocket that runs on "real rocket fuel", Santa proudly explains. I would ask, "Where do little kids get rocket fuel?" The details of Santa's amazingly speedy mass distribution methods are not brought up, but it's probably black magic-related.

The Martians nab Kris Kringle and two little Earth children, who seem to live alone in the woods with no parents or family but are clean and well fed. The Martian leader forces Santa and the children to run their soulless toy machine (Soulless Toy Machine would be a good name for a band). Despite the numerous violations of human rights, it's all in good fun and everybody is nice and happy, except for one mean Martian (with a disturbing droopy mustache and a sidekick that looks like Jamie Farr) who plots to kidnap Santa (even though he's already been kidnapped). Santa encourages the kids, even the Martian kids who have now learned to have fun, to hurl lots of heavy mid-sixties toys at the bad guy's skulls. Through this display of parental negligence and bad music the evil is thwarted, and Santa is permitted to go back to Earth, letting the mewling half-wit comic relief Martian named Droppo take over the reigns of the Martian Toy Empire. (The Martians are out-of-shape guys in tights and helmets with antenna sprouting out of them, and what looks like diarrhea smeared across their faces. Imagine a guy dressed like that mugging worse than the teacher guy in Juan Piquor Simon's "Monster Island" and that's Droppo).

How can you hate this movie? If I were a little kid in 1964 I'd be enthralled. They packed this movie with nutty stuff. Elves get shot with freeze rays. Mrs. Claus is a frantic goofball. The Martian children sleep under strange lights and eat only pills. The bad guy's hideout looks like that one King Crimson album cover. I loved the part where the villain tries to shoot Santa and the kids out of an airlock, and the part where the bad guys meddle with the toy machine and the toys come out all mixed-up. There's a guy in a goofy robot costume, and a guy in an even goofier polar bear costume. And that deliciously idiotic theme song- "You spell it S-A-N-T-A C-L-A-U-S, Hooray for Santy Claus!" Oh, it's so good!

I sincerely feel the people making this had the best intentions, and while they didn't have a huge budget they made a fun, silly kids movie. If it was the same exact movie but done in Rudolf-style stop motion animation it would be a regular holiday viewing tradition.

Oh, yeah, and Pia Zadora is in this, as if anyone cares.