Memorable quotes for
Carry on Cleo (1964) More at IMDbPro »

Julius Caesar: Infamy, infamy. They've all got it in for me.
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Soothsayer: I will see whether the goddess will grant us a further vision. Oh Isis, sweet Isis...
Hengist Pod: They're lovely. I'm very sorry sir, it's an old saying we have back in Britain.
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Cleopatra: [to Hengist who is dressed as Caesar] You do not look like your bust.
Julius Caesar: [who is dressed as Hengist] No, he's not. He's just a bit cracked.
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[running gag]
Julius Caesar: Friends, Romans...
Whoever happens to be next to him: Countrymen.
Julius Caesar: I know!
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Julius Caesar: I've cleaned up this city. Have you forgotten my slogan? 'Nihil expectore in omnibus' - no spitting on the public transport.
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Hengist Pod: My name's Pod. Hengist Post, this is my wife Senna.
Horsa: Oh, that's a pretty...
Hengist Pod: Pretty what?
Horsa: Er... pretty name.
Senna Pod: It was, 'til I married somebody called "Pod".
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Mark Antony: All right, look here Marcus...
Spencius: No, no, I'm Spencius. 'S my brother what's Marcus. We're in partnership now, you know. Marcus & Spencius.
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Mark Antony: Look at them. All solid bone and muscle.
Spencius: Bone and muscle I've got plenty of. It's brains what people want nowadays.
Mark Antony: They've got brains. Artisans, every one of them. Here you, what did you do in Britain?
Hengist Pod: I was a wheelmaker.
Mark Antony: See that? He makes wheels.
Hengist Pod: Square ones.
Mark Antony: Square... Never mind. Here, you. What did you do?
Horsa: I was a hunter.
Spencius: A hunter?
Mark Antony: A hunter! Now, what about that then? A hunter. What did you hunt?
Horsa: Romans.
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[Hosa comes in with WC marked on his arm]
Hengist Pod: I think someone's making a convenience of you!
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[the guard has just told Hengist that he will be going to the lions]
Hengist Pod: I hope they're a nice family!
Horsa: Eh, Hengist, what he means is that you will be thrown to the lions, in the arena
Hengist Pod: oh, THOSE lions! Yahhh!
[Hengist jumps into Horsa's arms. Horsa puts Hengist down]
Horsa: Don't worry. Head in the mouth, quick snap of the jaws and it'll all be over!
Hengist Pod: Yes, but how am I going to get his head into my mouth?
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Bilius: Caesar, there is a messenger here without.
Julius Caesar: I'm not surprised, if we stay here much longer we'll all be without.
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Seneca: [singing] Wherever, I wander, there's no place like ROME!
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Bilius: Hail, Mark Antony!
Mark Antony: Hail - snow, rain, thunder, lighting - the lot! Julius in?
[Gloria screams and runs out]
Mark Antony: I see he is!
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[Of the Britons]
Mark Antony: You know I just don't get these Britons; everytime we get a good punch up going, someone behind the line yells "Teas up!" and they all disappear!
Julius Caesar: "Teas up"? How very odd! It must be one of these strange gods they worship, like this other one they're always talking about, "Crumpet."
Mark Antony: What?
Julius Caesar: "Crum-pet", I don't understand it at all.
Mark Antony: You know something; I don't think these Britons don't want to be conquered.
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[Reading a letter from Seneca]
Mark Antony: Hello - there is news from Egypt, Ptolemy is trying to usurp Cleopatra.
Julius Caesar: Trying to do what with her?
Mark Antony: Usurp her.
Julius Caesar: Sound positively revolting.
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Julius Caesar: Tony!
Mark Antony: Julie! I caught you with your toga up!
Julius Caesar: Oh yes, I'm sorry I've caught something, one of these local things I can't seem to shake off. It's called "a-stinking-cold"!
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Bilius: I'm sorry Caesar but for the good of Rome, you must die!
Julius Caesar: But you're my personal bodyguard and champion gladiator, I don't want to die! I may not be a very good live emperor but I'd be a worse one dead!
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Brutus: The senate are worried about matters in the east, the affairs involving Ptolemy and Cleopatra.
Julius Caesar: Are they having an affair? Oh do tell!
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[Seeing the capitive Britons rushing into Cleopatra's bedroom on the night she plans to kill Caesar]
Mark Antony: Blimey, she must be selling tickets!
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Seneca: Ooh, Arab eh? I've heard they're intense lovers.
Mark Antony: Well naturally, they do everything in tents.
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Seneca: Beware the Ides of March!...
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Horsa: If anyone in there asks who we are, say we're eunuchs.
Hengist Pod: Yeah. What have we got to lose?
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Seneca: [singing] Wherever I wander/there's no place like Rome.
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