Gomez: TISH. That's French.
Wednesday: Either that's Grandmamma or Santa Claus is a woman.
Pugsley: Either that or Grandmama's a man.
Wednesday: Dear Santa, we just wanted you to know that even though Mr. Thompson says that there was no such thing as Santa Claus, we didn't believe him. So please come or else it will make us look like dummies. Signed Wednesday and Pugsley Addams.
Wednesday: Uncle Fester, do you believe in Santa Claus?
Uncle Fester: Well, of course. You kids are talking like children.
Lurch: [gong] You rang?
Morticia: [siren] Mail's in.
Lurch: [on why he won't go to the Butlers' Ball] I'm a wallflower.
Morticia: Look at Mr. Addams. He's always developing outside interests.
Gomez: Right now I have the most enviable collection of coroner's reports in the neighborhood.
[the dance instructress faints at the sight of Puglsey's toad]
Gomez: Pugsley, take your toad out of here. Things like this upset him.
[Trying to convince Lurch to attend the Butlers' Ball]
Wednesday: It'll be fun.
Lurch: I like being miserable.
Wednesday: You might find a nice girl to be miserable with.
Morticia: Mr. Addams' treatment for Grandmama's back had the whole medical world agog.
Gomez: Agog? Aghast.
Gomez: I'm quite proud of Mrs. Addams' hothouse. She's raised these plants from tiny weeds.
Gomez: Somebody... down there... likes me!
Morticia: [to Gomez] I've been yours since that first day you carved my initials in your leg.
Morticia: Think of Romeo and Juliet.
Gomez: They died!
Morticia: Oh, but what fun they had those last three days.
Pugsley: Mother! Father! Wednesday's flown the coop!
Gomez: Talk sense boy.
Pugsley: She's run away from home.
Gomez: Really? Very adventurous spirit. I didn't run away from home until I was eight.
Morticia: That's ridiculous.
Pugsley: She even left a note. I helped her write it.
[Hands note to Morticia]
Morticia: [reading] "Dear Mother and Father, I hate you. Love, Wednesday. P.S. Don't bother looking for me because I'm not anywhere. Goodbye, W."
Gomez: Now, if you'll observe, my dear, croquet is a combination of TWO things: balance, timing, peripheral vision, superb coordination, and a killer's instinct!
Gomez: [while speaking to a political candidate] I love a man with integrity - I wish I knew one.
Gomez: [into a telephone] What's the good word?
Gomez: Surely you can think of a better word than that...
Grandmama Addams: [Brandishing a battleaxe] I haven't used this baby since the taxman was here!
Uncle Fester: Shoot 'em in the back!
[Gomez and Morticia have just recently met]
Gomez: Has anyone ever told you, you have the softest brown eyes?
Morticia: No. Besides, my eyes are blue.
Gomez: No wonder nobody's ever told you!
Morticia: Why, thank you, Thing!