[Larry comes in with a waterlogged newspaper and hands it to Moe]
Larry: They left it in the swimming pool today.
Moe: Oh, I see. The tadpole edition.
Larry: Yeah, the tadpole edi...
[Moe whaps Larry with the paper]
Moe: That's for now. Remind me to kill you later.
Lory Filch: You're a fine one, Vickers Cavendish. Wasting your time reading when you should be thinking up some scheme to defraud.
Larry: I had the brains to steal this from the Duke's palace next door.
[pulls fresh newspaper from coat]
Larry: You thought I was stupid, didn't ya?
Moe: Now I'm sure of it.
Phileas Fogg III: Moe, about how long would you say I've been having kippers for breakfast?
Moe: Man and boy, I'd say we've been eating our kippers every day for, it must be 11 years, sir.
Phileas Fogg III: Time for a change. Starting tomorrow, I'd like sausages.
Moe: Oh, those ugly little brown - SAUSAGES?
[Curly-Joe opens door just as Moe is coming through; there is a spectacular crash of breakfast dishes and cutlery]
Curly-Joe: I'm sorry, Moe. The door swung and all the dishes broke.
Moe: Well, don't distress yourself, lad. You didn't break everything.
Curly-Joe: I didn't?
Moe: [Holds up an intact plate] Here's one you missed.
[Moe breaks it over his head]
[the Three Stooges are trying to convince Phileas to take them with him]
Moe: Who's going to lay out your day togs for daywear?
Moe: And your night togs for nightmares?
Larry: Oh, boy! We're going around the world on our wits!
Moe: With your wits, you won't get past the front door.
[Amelia is using the back of a frying pan as a mirror while Phileas plots their course]
Phileas Fogg III: Now, owing to monsoons at this time of year, we may have trouble getting across this bridge. It could be completely under water.
Curly-Joe: Don't worry, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Moe: [chuckling] Pardon me, may I have the mirror?
Amelia Carter: Why, certainly.
Moe: You know, a sharp crack deserves a sharp answer.
[Moe whaps Curly-Joe with pan]
[tootling on horn to entice a snake out of its jar]
Larry: [frustrated] He don't like my music.
Moe: He's not supposed to like it. He's gotta hate it. Then he comes out, sees you, goes out of his mind, and while he's out, I clobber him.
Moe: His pistol record is
Moe: shots out of a possible 300.
Curly-Joe: That's without bullets.
Moe: The rajah says that he will, without the aid of a telescope, shoot a raisin from the top of this gentleman's head.
Larry: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold it. Shoot *what* raisin from *which* gentleman's head?
Moe: Oh, pardon me for calling you a gentleman, sir.
Moe: The rajah says that at this time he will throw the razor-edged daggers at random.
Larry: Random? Get him up here. Hey, Randy, come on.
Moe: [glowering at Larry] Pardon me, Mister Random.
Larry: You don't think I'm going to let that blind bat throw knives at me, do you?
Moe: Blind bat? Why, he can see better than you can and I can prove it.
Larry: Well, you better prove it.
[picks up large round tray and holds it up to Curly-Joe's eyes]
Curly-Joe: [peers in opposite direction] Aha?
[Curly-Joe turns around and stares closely at tray]
Moe: What is this?
Curly-Joe: Half a dollar.
Larry: You're right. I thought it was a dime.
[Curly-Joe's thrown knife grazes Larry's fake mustache]
Moe: Missed that.
Curly-Joe: Missed that? Impossible!
Larry: Missed that? What is he aiming at?
Moe: You'll find out.
[Guards are roughing up Curly-Joe]
Moe: Wait a minute. You're gonna hit a man with glasses?
Curly-Joe: [gratefully, as guards pause] Yeah!
Moe: [takes away glasses] Go ahead!
[Soldier shouts in Chinese as Phileas and co. sail away]
Chinese Non-Com: [Subtitle] CENSORED. AND DON'T COME BACK!
Moe: If you keep on trying, you'll always have a chance.
Larry: Yeah, and we'll starve to death in the meantime.
[Everyone is under arrest for stowing away in the back of a truck]
Moe: Four days directly to New York. And here we are, thanks to you.
Larry: You don't have to thank me.
[after a prolonged fight in the dark where everyone keeps hitting the wrong people before finally knocking out the bad guys]
Moe: I knew you'd get the right ones if you kept on swinging.