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Promises! Promises! (1963)
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Overview
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You Read About Her In Playboy Magazine...Now See All Of Jayne Mansfield!
Plot:
After a drunken spree on a cruise ship, two women discover that they're pregnant, and set out to find who the fathers are. | add synopsis
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For Big Boobs Only
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Cast
(Credited cast) | Jayne Mansfield | ... | Sandy Brooks |
 | Marie McDonald | ... | Claire Banner |
| Tommy Noonan | ... | Jeff Brooks |
| Mickey Hargitay | ... | King Banner |
| Fritz Feld | ... | Ship's Doctor |
| T.C. Jones | ... | Babbette, ship's hairdresser / Female impersonator |
| Claude Stroud | ... | Steward |
| Marjorie Bennett | ... | Mrs. Snavely |
| Eddie Quillan | ... | Bartender |
| Victor Lundin | ... | Mrs. Snavely's Gigolo, (as Vic Lundin) |
| Eileen Barton | ... | Girl in Doctor's office |
| Patrick O'Moore | ... | Ship's Captain (as Pat O'Moore) |
| rest of cast listed alphabetically: | |||
| Richard Dawson | ||
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75 min
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This was the first movie in which a mainstream actress (Jayne Mansfield) appeared nude. (Actually, the movie showed her only topless, but a photo in Kenneth Anger's book "Hollywood Babylon II" shows Mansfield on the set completely nude.) It reportedly took some imbibing of champagne on Mansfield's part to get her to take off her clothes.
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Featured in Indie Sex: Censored (2007) (TV)
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Soundtrack:
Promise Her Anything
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The 1963 Jayne Mansfield "comedy" "Promises! Promises!" is best known these days for one thing (well, better make that TWO things!)--it is the film in which Jayne displayed her unfettered rib balloons; the first time a major actress ever did so in a mainstream Hollywood picture. Unfortunately, the film offers pretty much nothing else, and potential viewers would be well advised--no, warned--to bail out after Jayne's initial nude appearance, which happily occurs only three minutes in. During the following 72 minutes, Jayne and her bespectacled hubby, played by the film's co-producer and co-writer, Tommy Noonan, go on a long ocean cruise with their friends, Mickey Hargitay and Marie "The Body" McDonald. Through a set of ridiculous plot contrivances that include placebo drugs, seasickness and lots of liquor, Tommy can't quite figure out how Jayne has suddenly become preggers and just who did the knocking up. Dated, dreary, deadly and dumb (how's that for double D's?), the picture is a real labor to sit through; it is absolutely, consistently and painfully unfunny, and every lame gag falls (you should pardon the expression) absolutely flat. Character actor King Donovan's direction is uninspired, TV legend Imogene Coca goes completely wasted in a teensy role, and female impersonator T.C. Jones is an embarrassment. Strangely, Jayne unclothed does not look nearly as spectacular as Jayne strutting about in formfitting sweaters and gowns in such truly marvelous comedies as "The Girl Can't Help It" (1956) and "Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?" (1957). I had originally decided to give this film two stars--one for each...well, you know--but cannot give it even that "high" a rating in good conscience. There is no form of entertainment more lethal, for me, than a completely unfunny comedy, and only a big dumb boob would find this one amusing.