A businessman plans to solve his tax problems by financing a film version of "Romeo and Juliet". He hires Maurice Chevalier and Jayne Mansfield to play the title roles, and Akim Tamiroff to... See full summary »
Off the coast of Florida, a nearly-deserted island is rumored to have the fountain of youth. A boatload of teenage kids are headed there for a scavenger hunt. Wellington, the island's ... See full summary »
Jack E. Leonard,
A blonde actress is murdered across from a bar. An off-duty cop has been getting pleasantly sloshed, but becomes worried about his innocence when he finds out he was seen leaving the ... See full summary »
"Doctor" Jayne Mansfield is in Italy to show a peer her documentary about mating customs from around the world while at the same time having to deal with two bellhops who have an idea or two about mating with Jayne.
Three thieves rip off a shipment of used money being sent back to the US. As they are escaping the robbery (after having taken a hostage), they wind up on an island in a hotel with an ... See full summary »
Billie and Kristy lead a gang of armed robbers who steal from banks, armoured cars, and the like. When Billie's lover, Jim, gets caught by the police after stashing a large amount of money,... See full summary »
Jayne takes us on a review of her last world tour. She takes us through Rome, shares a fantasy about Roman athletes, and then is off to Cannes. She takes a trip to the nudist colony on the ... See full summary »
The 1963 Jayne Mansfield "comedy" "Promises! Promises!" is best known these days for one thing (well, better make that TWO things!)--it is the film in which Jayne displayed her unfettered rib balloons; the first time a major actress ever did so in a mainstream Hollywood picture. Unfortunately, the film offers pretty much nothing else, and potential viewers would be well advised--no, warned--to bail out after Jayne's initial nude appearance, which happily occurs only three minutes in. During the following 72 minutes, Jayne and her bespectacled hubby, played by the film's co-producer and co-writer, Tommy Noonan, go on a long ocean cruise with their friends, Mickey Hargitay and Marie "The Body" McDonald. Through a set of ridiculous plot contrivances that include placebo drugs, seasickness and lots of liquor, Tommy can't quite figure out how Jayne has suddenly become preggers and just who did the knocking up. Dated, dreary, deadly and dumb (how's that for double D's?), the picture is a real labor to sit through; it is absolutely, consistently and painfully unfunny, and every lame gag falls (you should pardon the expression) absolutely flat. Character actor King Donovan's direction is uninspired, TV legend Imogene Coca goes completely wasted in a teensy role, and female impersonator T.C. Jones is an embarrassment. Strangely, Jayne unclothed does not look nearly as spectacular as Jayne strutting about in formfitting sweaters and gowns in such truly marvelous comedies as "The Girl Can't Help It" (1956) and "Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?" (1957). I had originally decided to give this film two stars--one for each...well, you know--but cannot give it even that "high" a rating in good conscience. There is no form of entertainment more lethal, for me, than a completely unfunny comedy, and only a big dumb boob would find this one amusing.
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