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McLintock! (1963) Poster

(1963)

Quotes

Drago: I'm sorry Katherine - that Katie just slipped out from times when I remember you as being nice people...

Katherine McClintock: Are you going to stand there with that stupid look on your face while the hired help insults your wife?

George Washington McLintock: He can't help it - he's just ignorant. He doesn't know any better than to tell the truth. And I can't help this stupid look. I started acquiring it as you gained in social prominence!

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George Washington McLintock: [through gritted teeth after knocking Jones down] Now, we'll all calm down!

Drago: Take it easy, boss, he's just a little excited, that's all.

George Washington McLintock: I know, I know. I'm gonna use good judgement. I haven't lost my temper in forty years, but pilgrim you caused a lot of trouble this morning, might have got somebody killed... and somebody oughta belt you in the mouth. But I won't, I won't. The *hell* I won't!

[belts Jones in the mouth]

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Running Buffalo: Swell party, where's the whisky?

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George Washington McLintock: Becky! Come here. Somethin' I ought to tell you. Guess now's as good a time as any. You're going to have every young buck west of the Missouri around here tryin' to marry you - mostly because you're a handsome filly, but partly because I own everything in this country from here to there. They'll think you're going to inherit it. Well, you're not. I'm going to leave most of it to, well, to the nation really, for a park where no lumbermen'll cut down all the trees for houses with leaky roofs. Nobody'll kill all the beaver for hats for dudes nor murder the buffalo for robes. What I'm going to give you is a 500 cow spread on the Upper Green River. Now that may not seem like much, but it's more than we had, your mother and I. Some folks are gonna say I'm doin' all this so I can sit up in the hereafter and look down on a park named after me, or that I was disappointed in you - didn't want you to get all that money. But the real reason, Becky, is because I love you, and I want you and some young man to have what I had, because all the gold in the United States Treasury and all the harp music in heaven can't equal what happens between a man and a woman with all that growin' together. I can't explain it any better than that.

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George Washington McLintock: [after falling down the stairs for a third time] Drago, I am sleeping in the den!

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George Washington McLintock: I've got a touch of hangover, bureaucrat. Don't push me.

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George Washington McLintock: And I am *not* intoxicated... yet!

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George Washington McLintock: You know, if we had any moral character, we wouldn't be standing here covered with mud drinkin', when we should be washing.

Drago: [raises his glass] G.W.?

George Washington McLintock: [raises his glass] Drago.

[they click glasses and down their drinks]

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George Washington McLintock: Cuthbert H. Humphrey, Governor of our territory, is a cull. Do you know what a cull is, ma'am? A cull is a specimen that is so worthless that you have to cut him out of the herd. Now if all the people in the world were put in one herd, Cuthbert is the one I would throw a rope at.

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[Curly indicates a hat hanging from the weather vane]

Curly Fletcher: Makes seven times this month he's come home swoggled.

Drago: Six.

Curly Fletcher: Seven!

Drago: Six! Once was his birthday - that don't count.

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George Washington McLintock: If these settlers get burned out, there'll be a lot of hollerin' that this country is too wild to be a state. We'll go on bein' a territory some more, with a lot of political appointees runnin' it according to what they learned in some college where they think cows are somethin' you milk and Indians are somethin' in front of a cigar store.

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George Washington McLintock: [McLintock and his family are standing on the porch looking up at Ching the cook. Ching is standing there with a rather large meat cleaver] Well you old Cantonese reprobate, how 'bout it?

Ching: Ya fire me? I kill myself!

George Washington McLintock: I'm not talkin' about *firing* you I'm *RETIRING* you! You've been rustlin' food for us for forty years! We're gonna put you out to pasture. All you'll have to do is give advice, be one of the family!

Ching: I kill myself!

George Washington McLintock: I may save you the trouble.

Drago: Hey Ching, you kill yourself, I'll cut of your pigtail and y'ain't never gonna get to Heaven!

[Swishes his pocketknife at Ching; Ching pauses]

Ching: I'll be one of the family?

George Washington McLintock: I give you my solemn word.

Ching: Pretty crummy family! Drinkee too muchee! Get in fight! Yell alla time!

George Washington McLintock: [Gestures at Drago] Cut off his pigtail!

[Drago starts to walk up the stairs, pocketknife in hand]

Ching: ALRIGHT, I BE ONE OF THE FAMILY!

[Chatters in Cantonese]

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Train Engineer: Hey Davey, I got something for ya!

Davey Elk: Yeah?

Train Engineer: The station master down at the junction told me to let 'em ride, so I locked 'em in here. I've had my scalp a long time, and I aim on keepin' it!

[Opens boxcar to reveal Indian chiefs]

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George Washington McLintock: This is probably the first marriage I've ever seen that started out with a spanking!

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[Becky and Matt Douglas Jr. are watching a fight]

Becky McLintock: Such vulgarity. Somebody should do something.

Matt Douglas Jr: You're right... absolutely right.

[he adjusts his glasses and watches more closely and Becky does a double-take]

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George Washington McLintock: Dev, what are you doing?

Devlin Warren: I just thought I'd get another cigar.

George Washington McLintock: Well you've got one in your mouth and two burning in the tray... and that move.

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George Washington McLintock: Hello, Ben.

Ben Sage: Hey, McLintock.

George Washington McLintock: Drago, throw that in the buggy.

Ben Sage: That's a scrubby bunch of sooners, eh?

George Washington McLintock: They are at that.

Young Ben Sage: Ought to make Douglas happy. Lining his pocket with land fees.

Ben Sage: What are we gonna do?

George Washington McLintock: I don't know what you're going to do, Ben. Me I do nothing.

Young Ben Sage: Two hundred families. Quarter of beef a week per family. They last two years that could become a sizable number.

George Washington McLintock: I've got 20 head to 1 of any other brand on the Mesa Verdi. I'm not hollerin'.

Young Ben Sage: Some of us haven't got all the money in the world. Some of us aren't old and tired, feel like bein' put upon.

George Washington McLintock: You interest me, young Ben. Go on.

Young Ben Sage: So the first time I find one of our hides wearin' our brand hung on one of those settler's fences I aim to kill me a plow boy. You do what you want, McLintock, we'll do what we want.

George Washington McLintock: Fellas my age generally call me G.W. or McLintock. Youngsters call me Mr. McLintock.

Young Ben Sage: Alright. Mr. McLintock. Not because I'm afraid of ya. You're the big he stud of this country and I recon a fella my age should call you mister.

Ben Sage: He's full grown now, G.W. He's half owner of the spread. I made him a full partner the day the doc gave me the long face.

George Washington McLintock: Well, you want him to vote the first time this territory becomes a state, don't ya?

Ben Sage: Course I do.

George Washington McLintock: These settler's get burned out there'll be a lot of hollerin' that this country's too wild to be a state. We'll go on being a territory some more with a lot of political appointees runnin' it according to what they learned in some college where they think that cows are something you milk and Indians are something in front of a cigar store. I'm lookin' to you to hold young Ben down.

Ben Sage: I'll do what I can.

George Washington McLintock: Come on over to the house now and then. We'll rack up a few hands of stud.

Ben Sage: G.W. that'll be just fine.

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George Washington McLintock: Don't say it's a fine morning or I'll shoot ya!

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George Washington McLintock: [the two are arguing heatedly on whom their daughter will stay with] No go Kate.

Katherine McClintock: Why you animal!

George Washington McLintock: Half the people in the world are women. Why does it have to be you that stirs me?

[Passionately kisses Katherine]

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[repeated line]

Ching: Crummy family, crummy family!

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Devlin Warren: About that job Mr. McLintock.

George Washington McLintock: Look son, I told ya, I got no need for farmers. Or use for them either.

Devlin Warren: Just one minute, Mr. McLintock. My father died last month, how come we don't have a homestead. I've got a mother, a little sister to feed. I need that job badly.

George Washington McLintock: What's your name?

Devlin Warren: Devlin Warren.

George Washington McLintock: Well, you've got a job. Go see my home ranch forman. He's over by the corral.

Devlin Warren: Step down off that carriage, mister!

George Washington McLintock: [Swings and McLintock and gets thrown to the ground] Hold that hog leg! I've been punched many a time in my life but never for hirin' anyone.

Devlin Warren: I don't know what to say. Never begged before. Turned my stomach. I suppose I should have been grateful that you gave me the job.

George Washington McLintock: Gave? Boy, you've got it all wrong. I don't give jobs I hire men.

Drago: You intend to give this man a full day's work, don'tcha boy?

Devlin Warren: You mean you're still hirin' me? Well, yes, sir, I certainly deliver a fair day's work.

George Washington McLintock: And for that I'll pay you a fair day's wage. You won't give me anything and I won't give you anything. We both hold up our heads. Is that your plug?

Devlin Warren: Yes sir.

George Washington McLintock: Well, hop on him and we'll go get your gear.

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George Washington McLintock: Agard, if you knew anything about Indians, you'd know that they're doing their level best to put up with our so-called 'benevolent patronage' in spite of the nincompoops that've been put in charge of it!

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George Washington McLintock: You women are always raising hell about one thing when it's something else you're really sore about. Don't you think it's about time you told me what put the burr under your saddle about me?

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Becky McLintock: Oh you poor dear!

Devlin Warren: Poor dear? You'd a had me shot in cold blood. Yelling I insulted you an all. What you need is a good spanking.

Becky McLintock: Daddy?

George Washington McLintock: Leave me out of this.

Devlin Warren: And I think I'll give you what you deserve?

Becky McLintock: You wouldn' dare!

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Katherine McClintock: [after walking out of her bedroom to find G.W. and Mrs. Warren at the bottom of the stairs] What's going on here?

George Washington McLintock: [Intoxicated, with Mrs. Warren sitting on his lap] Now Katherine, are you going to believe what you see, or what I tell you?

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George Washington McLintock: I came close to killing you a couple of times when I was younger. I'm sad I didn't.

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George Washington McLintock: [screaming at a homesteader] You've caused a lot of trouble this morning might have got somebody killed. Somebody oughta belt you in the mouth but I wont, I wont to hell I wont

[knocks the man down a muddy hill]

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Becky McLintock: You are my father and if you do love me you will shoot him

[Devlin]

Becky McLintock: .

George Washington McLintock: I'm your father and I sure love you

[grabs a pistol from his cabinet and shoots Devlin]

Becky McLintock: You shot him you really shot him If he.

George Washington McLintock: [Interrupts Becky] If he dies he will be the first man killed with a blank cartridge . We use this to start the races on the fourth.

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Becky McLintock: You are my father and if you do love me you will shoot him!

[Devlin]

George Washington McLintock: I'm your father and I sure love you.

[grabs a pistol from his cabinet and shoots Devlin]

Becky McLintock: You shot him! You really shot him! If he dies...

George Washington McLintock: [Interrupts Becky] If he dies he will be the first man killed with a blank cartridge . We use this to start the races on the fourth.

Becky McLintock: [talking to Devlin] You poor dear.

Devlin Warren: [Sets up and angrily replies] Poor dear? You would of had me shot down in cold blood!

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George Washington McLintock: I saw your picture in the paper at the Governor's Ball. You were dancing with the governor.

Katherine McClintock: At least he's a gentleman.

George Washington McLintock: I doubt that. You have to be a man first before you're a gentleman. He misses on both counts.

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Becky McLintock: Shoot him, Daddy! Shoot him at once!

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Becky McLintock: Junior's not a dude - he's nifty!

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Cowhand: It's a nice mornin', ain't it, boss?

George Washington McLintock: Everybody's entitled to their own opinion.

Cowhand: Like that again, huh? Well, this ought to cheer you up. A thousand head. I figure they'll bring about $12.50.

George Washington McLintock: They're not as fat as I'd like for shippin'. They come off of the north range?

Cowhand: Yes sir. Settlers. Every one of them with a plow and a bible and not the slightest idea what the range is for.

George Washington McLintock: Drago! Drag out that hog leg. Get me some attention.

Drago: [Fires a shot in the air] Yeehaw! People, people, people! Come on all of ya. Gather 'round!

George Washington McLintock: I'm McLintock. You people plan to homestead and farm the Mesa Verde.

Settler: Yes, sir. The government give each of us a hunerd and sixty acres.

George Washington McLintock: The government never gave anybody anything. Some years back a lot like you come in. Had a pretty good first year. Good summer. Easy winter. But the next year the last rain was in February. And by June even the jack rabbits had sense enough to get off the Mesa.

Matt Douglas: Folks, do you know who that is? That's McClintock. George Washington McLintock.

George Washington McLintock: I told them that, Douglas.

Matt Douglas: He controls the water rights on 200 square miles of range. You know that lumber you got? It came from his land. Cut by his loggers and milled in his mill.

George Washington McLintock: Douglas, I come close to killin' you a couple of times when we were younger. Saddens me I didn't.

Matt Douglas: Can you imagine a man who owns all that, oh and mines too, I forgot to mention those, all that and he's begrudgin' poor people a measly, a measly, one hundred sixty acres.

Settler: That right, Mr. McLintock? You begrudge us a little free land?

George Washington McLintock: There's no such thing as free land. You make these homesteads go you'll have earned every acre of it. But you just can't make 'em go on the Mesa Verde. God made that country for buffalo. Serves pretty well for cattle. But it hates the plow. And even the government should know you can't farm 6000 feet above sea level!

Sheriff Jeff Lord: Any trouble here, Mr. McLintock?

George Washington McLintock: No trouble, Sheriff.

Sheriff Jeff Lord: How about you, Douglas.

Matt Douglas: Douglas. Just plain Douglas, eh. And you call him Mr. McLintock. Why?

Sheriff Jeff Lord: Well, Douglas, I guess that's because he's earned it.

Devlin Warren: Mr. McLintock? I'm a good had with cattle, Mr. McLintock. I'd like a job.

George Washington McLintock: Well, you look strong enough. You come in with those sooners?

Devlin Warren: Yes, sir. But we haven't got a homestead and...

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