Humbert Humbert: You know, I've missed you terribly.
Lolita Haze: I haven't missed you. In fact, I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you.
Humbert Humbert: Oh?
Lolita Haze: But it doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway.
Humbert Humbert: What makes you say I've stopped caring for you?
Lolita Haze: Well, you haven't even kissed me yet, have you?
Clare Quilty: She's a yellow belt. I'm a green belt. That's the way nature made it. What happens is, she throws me all over the place.
Swine: She throws you all over the place?
Clare Quilty: Yes. What she does, she gets me in a, sort of, thing called a sweeping ankle throw. She sweeps my ankles away from under me. I go down with one helluva bang.
Swine: Doesn't it hurt?
Clare Quilty: Well, I sort of lay there in pain, but I love it. I really love it. I lay there hovering between consciousness and unconsciousness. It's really the greatest.
Humbert Humbert: I want you to live with me and die with me and everything with me!
Lolita Haze: Do you always have to shave twice a day?
Humbert Humbert: Yes, of course, because all the best people shave twice a day.
Humbert Humbert: Well, it's nothing, but... she had an accident.
Clare Quilty: Oh gee, she had an accident? That's really terrible, I mean, fancy a fellow's wife having... a normal guy having... his wife having an accident like that. W-what happened to her?
Humbert Humbert: Er, she was hit by a car.
Clare Quilty: Gee, no wonder she's not here. Gee, you must feel pretty bad about it. W-w-w-w-when uh eh w-what's happening, is she coming out later or something?
Humbert Humbert: Well, that was the understanding.
Clare Quilty: What, in an ambulance? Hahahaha! Gee, I'm sorry, I-I-I-shouldn't say that; I get sorta carried away, you know, being so normal and everything.
Humbert Humbert: Quilty! Quilty?
Clare Quilty: Ah, wha? Who's there?
Humbert Humbert: Are you Quilty.
Clare Quilty: No, I'm... Spartacus. You come to free the slaves or sumpn?
Humbert Humbert: Are you Quilty?
Clare Quilty: Yeah, yeah, I'm Quilty, yeah, sure.
Lolita Haze: 'Fraid someone's gonna steal your ideas and sell 'em to Hollywood, huh?
Clare Quilty: Listen, didn't you... didn't you have a daughter? Didn't you have a daughter with a lovely name? Yeah! A lovely... What was it now? A lovely, lyrical, lilting name, like, uh... uh...
Charlotte Haze: Lo-li-ta!
Clare Quilty: Lolita, that's right, Lolita. Diminutive of Dolores, "The Tears and the Roses."
Charlotte Haze: Wednesday she's going to have a cavity filled by your Uncle Ivor.
Clare Quilty: Yes. Hahahahaha... Yes.
Charlotte Haze: He is a writer and he is not be disturbed!
Lolita Haze: [makes the Nazi salute] Sieg heil!
Humbert Humbert: What drives me insane is the twofold nature of this nymphet, of every nymphet perhaps, this mixture in my Lolita of tender, dreamy childishness and a kind of eerie vulgarity. I know it is madness to keep this journal, but it gives me a strange thrill to do so. And only a loving wife could decipher my microscopic script.
Charlotte Haze: Hum, you just touch me and I... I... I go as limp as a noodle. It scares me.
Humbert Humbert: Yes, I know the feeling.
Humbert Humbert: [to Charlotte Haze] We don't read other people's diaries now, do we?
Lolita Haze: Why don't we play a game?
Humbert Humbert: A game? Come on. No, you get on to room service at once.
Lolita Haze: No, really. I learned some real good games in camp. One in "particularly" was fun.
Humbert Humbert: Well, why don't you describe this one in "particularly" good game?
Lolita Haze: Well, I played it with Charlie.
Humbert Humbert: Charlie? Who's he?
Lolita Haze: Charlie? He's that guy you met in the office.
Humbert Humbert: You mean that boy? You and he?
Lolita Haze: Yeah. You sure you can't guess what game I'm talking about?
Humbert Humbert: I'm not a very good guesser.
Lolita Haze: [whispers in his ear and giggles]
Humbert Humbert: I don't know what game you played.
Lolita Haze: [whispers in his ear again] You mean you never played that game when you were a kid?
Humbert Humbert: No.
Lolita Haze: Alrighty then...
Lolita Haze: [Trying to console Humbert] I'm really sorry that I cheated so much. But I guess that's just the way things are.
Clare Quilty: [looks at bullet hole] Gee... right in the boxing glove.
Charlotte Haze: There's a nice view from this window... of the front lawn.
Charlotte Haze: Oh M'sieur, if what you're needing is peace and quiet, I can assure you you couldn't get more peace anywhere, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Title Card: [last title card] Epilog: Humbert Humbert died of coronary thrombosis in prison awaiting trial for the murder of Clare Quilty.
Charlotte Haze: Is, um, Madame Humbert, um...
Humbert Humbert: There's no "Madame". We are divorced...
Charlotte Haze: Oh...
Humbert Humbert: *Happily* divorced.
Charlotte Haze: When did all this happen?
Humbert Humbert: About a year ago - in Paris.
Charlotte Haze: Oh, Paris, France, madame... You know, monsieur, I really believe that it's only in the Romance Languages that one is able to really relate in a mature fashion. In fact I remember when the late Mr. Haze and I... when we were on our honeymoon abroad, I knew that I'd never felt married until I'd heard myself addressed as "Senora".
Humbert Humbert: So you were in Spain?
Charlotte Haze: No, Mexico!
Humbert Humbert: Oh, Mexico, mm-hmm!
Humbert Humbert: [Referring to Quilty] What happened to this Oriental-minded genius? When you left the hospital, where did he take you?
Lolita Haze: To New Mexico.
Humbert Humbert: Whereabouts in New Mexico?
Lolita Haze: To a dude ranch near Santa Fe. The only problem with it was he had such a bunch of weird friends staying there.
Humbert Humbert: What kind of "weird" friends?
Lolita Haze: Weird! Painters, nudists, writers, weightlifters... But I figured I could take anything for a couple of weeks.