The Parent Trap (1961)
Susan's roommate at camp Inch: The nerve of her! Coming here with your face!
Susan's other roommate: What are you gonna do about it?
Susan Evers: Do? What in heaven's sake can I do, silly?
Susan's other roommate: I'd bite off her nose. Then she wouldn't look like you.
Miss Inch: [reading from index cards] Welcome to Camp Inch, new arrivals. I am your supreme commander here. My name is...
[turns to the next card and continues reading]
Miss Inch: Miss Inch.
[frowns, looks back at the previous card in confusion, then re-reads the new one]
Miss Inch: Oh, yes, Miss Inch.
Susan Evers: Do you want to know Father? And I'm just dying to know Mother. It might be so scary that we just might be able to pull it off.
Sharon McKendrick: Pull what off?
Susan Evers: Switch places!
Sharon McKendrick: Switch?
Susan Evers: We can do it. We're twins, aren't we? Oh, I'm just dying to know Mother! Look, now I'M getting goosebumps!
Sharon McKendrick: Me, too. You know something? There's more to it than just switching places. I believe fate brought us together.
Susan Evers: How so?
Sharon McKendrick: If we switched, sooner or later, they'd have to unswitch us.
Susan Evers: Mother would have to bring me to California to unmix us.
Sharon McKendrick: And they'd have to meet again.
Susan Evers: Face-to-face. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Sharon McKendrick: Exactly.
Susan Evers: Let's get to work!
Mitch Evers: [entering the dining room to see an empty table] Hey, uh, what happened to dinner?
Verbena 'Ever's Housekeeper': Oh, dinner's being served on the patio tonight.
Mitch Evers: Oh, whose idea is that?
Verbena 'Ever's Housekeeper': It's none of my nevermind. I don't say a word.
Mitch Evers: [turning to leave; deadpan] I know, you never say a word to anyone.
Mitch Evers: Ah Maggie, you're so beautiful.
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: [to brush it off] Ah...
Mitch Evers: No I mean it! I know I don't say things like you want to hear, but I've been thinking a lot about you, and us, and the way things used to be... this might sound funny to you but you know what I've missed most of all?
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Mitch?
Mitch Evers: What?
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: You've got stew all over you.
Mitch Evers: I don't care.
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Go and wash it off.
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: What do you miss?
Mitch Evers: Well, I don't care if it does sound silly; I miss those wet stockings you used to have hanging around the bathroom, and I miss my razor being dull because you used it to shave your legs with. And I miss the hairpins mixed up with the fish hooks in my tackle box... it's no fun having a clothes closet all to myself. And it's no fun swearing because you're not around to make believe you're shocked by it. Well, nothing's any good without you Maggie, I miss a lot of things... I guess I just miss you!
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Why did you take so long to tell me?
Mitch Evers: I don't know... Well because, cause I guess I was hoping that you'd come back sometime. Maggie, I've been the prize chump of the world. We've both been. We're going to grow into a couple of old lonely people if we don't do something about it.
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: I know.
Mitch Evers: You don't want that, do you?
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: No Mitch.
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Oh Mitch, it's been so long... so very long.
Mitch Evers: Don't cry. Listen, you can slug me in the eye anytime you want.
Charles McKendrick: [Susan starts sniffing the coat he is wearing] My dear, what are you doing?
Susan Evers: Making a memory.
Charles McKendrick: Making a memory?
Susan Evers: All my life, when I'm quite grown-up I will always remember my grandfather and how he smelled of
[smells his jacket again]
Susan Evers: tobacco and peppermint.
Charles McKendrick: Smelled of tobacco and peppermint.
Charles McKendrick: Well, I'll tell you what. I take the peppermint for my indigestion and as for the tobacco
Charles McKendrick: to make your grandmother mad.
Verbena 'Ever's Housekeeper': I'm not saying a word. Not one single word.
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Oh darn!
Mitch Evers: What's the matter?
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Well, I've got a wet dishcloth on and I put some knots in it. Open it for me!
Mitch Evers: Maggie, as long as everybody's apologizing, I think maybe I better do mine too. I mean about the other night, well, I didn't mean for it to sound like uh... I guess I'm not very good with the compliments what growing up out here with the cows...
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Oh now, don't give me that old "growing up with the cows routine"! You handed me that years ago!
Mitch Evers: I did not!
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: You certainly did!
Mitch Evers: Well it worked didn't it? You liked it!
Vicky Robinson: You're a big girl now, Susan. You're old enough to understand that wonderful, delicate mystery that happens sometimes between a man and a woman.
Sharon McKendrick: I know what wonderful, delicate mystery Daddy sees in you. And I can't say I blame him there, either. You're very nicely put together.
Vicky Robinson: Your father underestimates you, I think.
Sharon McKendrick: I'm sure you won't, will you, Vicky?
Vicky Robinson: Susan, dear, you've had him to yourself all this time, and I can understand that suddenly to have another woman around, well, it's a tremendous intrusion. But all my life, it seemed, I've hoped and waited for someone like him: someone gentle and mature, rough-edged, but quick to laugh, someone understanding and wise. All the things that I've come to love and cherish in him.
Sharon McKendrick: Well, that's very refreshing.
Vicky Robinson: Why, dear?
Sharon McKendrick: Most girls just run after Daddy because he's so wealthy.
Vicky Robinson: [angrily] Are you inferring that I'd marry your father for his money?
Sharon McKendrick: If the shoe fits, wear it!
Vicky Robinson: Look, pet. I've tried to be friendly, but I'm going to marry your father, so you get used to the idea!
Sharon McKendrick: You wanna bet?
Vicky Robinson: Oh, honey, don't you play with the big girls. You'll be in way over your head.
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Don't you take that tone with me Mitch. I lambed you once!
[she tries to make a childish fist but it gets wrapped under her robe sleeve, so she pulls the sleeve down]
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Now stand back.
Mitch Evers: Oh Maggie, come on...
[he tries to grab her arm from behind but she elbows him instead and instinctively punches him in the eye]
Mitch Evers: Ow!
[covers his eye]
Mitch Evers: Why do you have to get so physical?
[mopes over to the couch and lies down]
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Oh, stop being such a big baby. Let me take a look at it.
[tries to look at his eye but he childishly won't let her]
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: You're acting worst than the twins.
Sharon McKendrick: 'Cos that's how true love creates its beautiful agony. All splendid lovers had just dreadful times! Er, Pelias and Melisande, Daphnis and Chloë. History's just jammed with stories of lovers parted by some silly thing!
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Oh yes! Don't say anything about that dear, sweet, precious Vicky! That plus-faced child bride and her electric hips!
Verbena 'Ever's Housekeeper': You didn't know what a good thing you had when you had it.
Mitch Evers: Huh?
Ursala, Camp Inch roomate: I know! We'll wait until she comes over here and when she's not looking we'll dump ants down her dress!
Betsy, Sharon's Camp Inch roommate: Where are we gonna find ants at night stupid?
Ursala, Camp Inch roomate: Ooo, just thinking about it makes me so mad I could just spit!
Mitch Evers: Would you mind putting on something decent?
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: I'm dressed perfectly decent.
Mitch Evers: Yeah, running around in my bathrobe. The priest could come in here any minute, it looks like we just...
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Like we what?
Mitch Evers: Just go upstairs and put on some clothes!
Sharon McKendrick: [looks at Susan putting up a picture on the wall] Who's that?
Susan Evers: [turns to her surprised] Are you kidding? Ricky Nelson?
Sharon McKendrick: Oh, your boyfriend.
Susan Evers: [a choked laugh is forced out] I wish he was! You mean you've never heard of him? Where do ya come from? Outer space?
Mitch Evers: Hey, Maggie, you look pretty good. What did you do to yourself?
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: *Do* to myself?
Mitch Evers: [after Vicky slaps one of the twins] Hey, wait a minute, there's no call for that. They didn't do anything to you!
Vicky Robinson: You'll never know what they did to me, you big GOON! Now get me outta this stinkin' fresh air!
Charles McKendrick: Louise, for once I'm putting my foot down. Now let them alone!
Sharon McKendrick: [while Mitch thinks she's Susan] My nails, I bit them all because of you! And my hair! Look at my hair! I cut it off just for you! Of all the pigheaded fathers!
Sharon McKendrick: [after telling her he's going to marry Vicky] Don't you see, Dad, it's all relative. Compared to her, you're an old man.
Mitch Evers: I am not an old man!
Susan Evers: [pretending to be Sharon while saying goodbye to Miss Inch] I shan't tell my aunt about the ants nor the debutantes. Shall I?
Vicky Robinson: There's the little beast now.
Edna Robinson: Why, she's nothing but a child!
Vicky Robinson: She's a conniving, vicious, little two-faced brat.
Edna Robinson: Just smile, pet. Think of California and that wonderful community property law, and just smile!
Mitch Evers: That's the last time I'm going to take a woman to the mountains; that's all I've got to say.
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Oh, ah... Where is, um... um, what's her name?
Mitch Evers: Vicki?
Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick: Yeah, yeah. Vicki.
Mitch Evers: Yeah, yeah... Well... she took off like a pelican and she's probably at Park Avenue and 57th Street by now, and good luck to her.
Hecky: What's eatin' you?
Mitch Evers: [Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Margaret is arriving from Boston] You ever have a feelin' that something bad is about to happen, like a storm brewin'?
Hecky: [quizzically looking up at the sky] No.
Mitch Evers: Never mind; let's go.
Miss Inch: Congratulations. In the history of this camp, that was the most infamous, the most disgusting, the most revolting display of hooliganism we have ever had.
Miss Grunecker: Rolling around like hooligans in front of our guests.
Miss Inch: And worst of all, two sisters who should be setting a good example.
Susan Evers: We're not sisters!
Sharon McKendrick: I've never seen HER before in my life.
Miss Inch: They are! Aren't they?
Miss Grunecker: No ma'am. Just look-alikes.
Miss Inch: An amazing resemblance.