Lover Come Back (1961)
Jerry Webster: Okay, so I've sewn a few wild oats.
Carol Templeton: A few? You could qualify for a farm loan!
Carol Templeton: You kissed me and I was thrilled!
Jerry Webster: A kiss? What does that prove? It's like finding out you can light a stove. It doesn't make you a cook.
Doctor Linus Tyler: At last, I've given the world what it needs! A good 10-cent drunk!
Carol Templeton: Mmm. This isn't bad, either. But what color's that floor?
Carol Templeton: Lilac? Leonard, who has a lilac floor in their kitchen?
Leonard: I have.
Carol Templeton: Oh. Well, Leonard, everyone isn't as artistic as you are. We have to sell this wax to ordinary, everyday people.
Leonard: Ugh, them.
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: I told you sex would get you in nothing but trouble.
Fred: [Jerry Webster enters wearing a woman's full length mink coat, and passes Fred, again] He's the last guy in the world I woulda' figured.
Jerry Webster: You're going up there to have my baby. My son, and I'm...
Carol Templeton: It's my baby and I'll have what I like. And I've decided I'm having a girl.
Jerry Webster: Have whatever you like. I love you both. Now will you marry me?
Carol Templeton: You listen to me, no alcoholic beverage, no drug known to science, no torture yet devised could induce me to stay married to you!
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: Congratulate me, boy. I've saved the day! I've been working with my lawyers and we've come up with an ironclad document that will hold up in any court. This solves everything.
Jerry Webster: Great. What is it?
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: A full and complete confession. Sign.
Jerry Webster: Are you kidding? I could go to jail for five years.
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: No. That's covered in here. We make a deal with the judge. Two years. Sign.
[Puts pen in Jerry's hand]
Jerry Webster: Forget it.
[throws pen down]
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: Two years! It's like being drafted. Think of me as your commander in chief. Greetings from the president. Sign.
[puts pen back in Jerry's hand and tries to manipulate it to force a signature]
Hadley: I couldn't find Dr. Tyler anywhere. The guy has disappeared.
Jerry Webster: That tears it!
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: Hadley?
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: Step over to the window.
Hadley: Mr. Ramsey I told you. I am not going to jump!
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: You don't have to jump. I'll trip you. Huh? Double indemnity. Your wife will be loaded. Kids'll go to college. Right? Come on, boy! Run!
[holds up his leg in front of the window]
Jerry Webster: Pete, knock it off!
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: [Spoken to Jerry and Hadley] I'm surrounded by traitors!
Carol Templeton: Doctor, there's so much I can learn from you.
Jerry Webster: As my father, the philosopher, used to say, "Knock at my door and I shall take you in."
Carol Templeton: Dr. Tyler, I'm knocking.
Jerry Webster: Miss Templeton, I'm taking you in.
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: And as dad always said, "A man who can't be bribed can't be trusted."
Jerry Webster: Isn't it comforting to know that you can trust me?
Carol Templeton: Think he'll like it?
Millie, Carol's Secretary: Well if he doesn't, he's been taking the wrong kind of chemicals.
Jerry Webster: No, I find him very intriguing... in a man-to-man sort of way.
Jerry Webster: Your trouble is that you're still living in the shadow of your father. You're even afraid to get rid of his old car.
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: You don't realize how completely he dominated me ever since I was a little boy. Just once I spoke back to him. He cut a switch from a tree and gave me such a whipping, in front of this girl. It was a shattering experience.
Jerry Webster: Pete, all kids get whippings.
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: But I was twenty five, the girl was my fiancé.
Alice: [of sex] It's like olives, dear. It's something you aquire a taste for.
Jerry Webster: [Carol screams] Now stop that! You're my wife!
Alice: Some girls just aren't ready for marriage.
Jerry Webster: I've only seen him a dozen or so times.
Carol Templeton: Well, what's your opinion?
Jerry Webster: I prefer to reserve judgment till I see him sober.
Carol Templeton: Oh! Doesn't that tell you what he is?
Jerry Webster: Miss Templeton, as my uncle, the missionary, used to say, "If thou canst not speak well of a man, speak not at all."
Carol Templeton: You make me feel ashamed of myself.
Carol Templeton: [Carol realises the problem with the product is it's packaging, and has to convince Leonard and Millie how important it is to stay late and finish working on it] Believe me; the agency that lands this account, is the one who shows Mr. Miller the most attractive can.
[Carol picks up a can of wax]
Carol Templeton: [immeditely cuts to the next shot; a line of dancing 'rabbit-girls' derierres]
Jerry Webster: [Jerry's boss - and friend - Pete - is making him ring Carol Templeton to apologise - and hopefully have her withdraw her complaint to the Advertising Council] Carol Templeton, please, Jerry Webster calling.
[Speaking to the operator]
Jerry Webster: Ramsey & Son.
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: Assure her of our high moral character
Carol Templeton: [Split-screen, à la Pillow Talk] Yes, Mr. Webster?
Jerry Webster: Mr. Ramsey, here, tells me that you spoke to him, and I'd like to,ask you a favour; will you kindly keep,your big, fat nose out of my business?
[Pete starts getting furious, yelling in a strangled voice 'no, no,' at Jerry, who ignores him]
Jerry Webster: If the competition's too tough, get out of the advertising profession.
[Pete's got his hands in his face]
Carol Templeton: YOU aren't even IN the advertising profession, and if I weren't a lady, I'd tell you what profession you ARE in.
Jerry Webster: Tell me, anyway
Carol Templeton: [Thinking she's got the upper-hand, tries to talk 'down' to Jerry] Well, let me put it this way; I don't use sex to land an account.
Jerry Webster: When do you use it
Carol Templeton: I don't.
Jerry Webster: My condolences to your husband
Carol Templeton: [Carol's eyes narrow, and she's seething with anger as she speaks] I'm NOT married.
Jerry Webster: That figures.
Carol Templeton: What, what do you mean, 'that figures'?
Jerry Webster: Well, a husband would be competition. There's only room for one man in the family.
Carol Templeton: [Carol's steaming, and trying to stay calm] Oooh! Let me tell,you,something, Mr. Webster; I wish I were a man, right now,
Jerry Webster: [Goading Carol] Keep trying, I think you'll make it.
[Carole looks at the phone's receiver, and hangs it up, forcefully]
Jerry Webster: [Pete blows a bull horn] What's that?
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: The mating call of the moose.
[Pete blows the bull horn again]
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: This call is absolutely irresistible. Your bull moose will run for twenty miles, he will crash through any barrier to get to the source of this call.
[Blows horn, yet again]
Jerry Webster: And what happens if he gets there?
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: I take his picture
Jerry Webster: Pete, he's not running twenty miles to get photographed. Now I suggest you stop blowing that horn.
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: This'll be the biggest scandal that hit Madison Avenue. The agency's through. We're ruined. There's only one way out; suicide.
Jerry Webster: All right... All right...
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: We'll get Hadley to commit suicide, and we pin the blame on him.
Jerry Webster: You may have a little trouble selling that idea to Hadley.
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: He wouldn't dare refuse. His job depends on it.