Bachelor in Paradise (1961)
[after entering his house in Paradise]
Adam J. Niles: It's charming. What do you call this style... early Disneyland?
[fire department arrives when Niles' washing machine overflows]
Fireman: There's no fire?
Adam J. Niles: Well if I hollered "Soap!" who'd come?
Adam J. Niles: Now, let me see. You'll be my landlady and secretary, and I'll be your tenant and your boss.
Rosemary Howard: A very involved relationship.
Adam J. Niles: Yeah, and if you raise my rent, I'll lower your salary.
Rosemary Howard: You lower my salary, I'll raise my voice!
Adam J. Niles: [Pulls into the driveway of the home he's just rented in Paradise] It's pink.
Rosemary Howard: It's not pink, its "California coral".
Adam J. Niles: Who comes up with the names of colors in this country, Tennessee Williams?
Adam J. Niles: [Narrating the starting lines of his new book into his tape recorder] "How the Americans Live", Chapter One. The din dawns with the day. Throughout most of the civilized world, the new day is born in a silence so profound, one can imagine he hears the Morning Glory open its petals to greet the rising sun. But hour-conscious, minute-counting time-saving America is blasted from sleep by the explosive screams of the alarm clock radio, which may largely explain the frenetic pace that jangles the nation's nerves throughout the day.
Rosemary Howard: [At a Hawaiian-themed restaurant, watching while the bartender is garnishing an elaborate cocktail] Is he a bartender or a landscape architect?
Adam J. Niles: He's an artist! Would you care for a "Scorpion's Kiss"?
Rosemary Howard: Oh, is that what they're called?
Adam J. Niles: Mm hmm... And this is a "Bikini".
Rosemary Howard: That's an odd name for a drink: "Bikini".
Adam J. Niles: That's because there's not much to it, but it hits the right spots.
Rosemary Howard: [starting to giggle] Oh. Well, I've had two, and I don't feel a thing.
Adam J. Niles: Oh, we better get you another one.
Adam J. Niles: [Calling to the bartender] Hey, innkeeper, another brace of Bikinis, please.
Bartender: Sorry, sir, only two to a customer.
Rosemary Howard: Oh, come on!
Bartender: Sorry, ma'am. That's a very powerful drink. There's an old Tahitian saying: "Okka noku pama, talla peeno pulla okka".
Rosemary Howard: Oh... Just what does that old Tahitian mean by that?
Bartender: Who knows? I'm from San Francisco.
Adam J. Niles: Loopholes everywhere!
Adam J. Niles: What do you say we break out of here tonight and let me take you to dinner?
Rosemary Howard: Thank you, but I have a business appointment.
Adam J. Niles: Oh... What about tomorrow night? Lonely bachelors should stick together, don't you think?
Rosemary Howard: Oh, definitely! And if I find one that I think you'd like, I'll let you know, Mr. Adams. Good bye!
Peter Pickering: [Along with his sister, Sissy, coming over to meet their new neighbor] Hi. Who are you?
Adam J. Niles: I'm Mr. Adams. I'm moving in here.
Peter Pickering: I'm Peter. I live down there.
Adam J. Niles: Down where?
Peter Pickering: I won't tell you. I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.
Sissy 'Mrs. McIntyre' Pickering: Is he a stranger?
Peter Pickering: [Motioning to his sister, who appears to be about 4 years old] Sure... This is my sister, Mrs. McIntyre.
Adam J. Niles: "Mrs." McIntyre? Well, ma'am, how do you do?
Sissy 'Mrs. McIntyre' Pickering: How do I do what?
Adam J. Niles: [Making a face] It's just not my day for women.