The Flintstones (1960–1966)
Fred Flintstone: [bangs on the door after being locked out by the cat] WILMA!
Barney Rubble: [upon seeing an assembled mastodon skeleton after sneaking into the Brickrock home] Your suspicions were correct, Fred. There she is - Agatha Brickrock with her outside removed.
Fred Flintstone: That's not Agatha; that's a mastodon.
Barney Rubble: A whats-a-don?
Fred Flintstone: A big thing with a lumpy body, thick legs, a long nose, floppy ears, and tusks.
Barney Rubble: Sounds like Agatha to me.
Wilma Flintstone: I work hard all day, too, and what do I get? A lot of yak from you. You at least get out everyday, see things, talk to people. I never get out of this cave.
Fred Flintstone: I love my dear sweet mother in-law. My mother in-law is a doll.
Attendant: Are you feeling alright, mister?
Fred Flintstone: Huh? Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.
Attendant: Good. Good. You just stay in here and rest. That hot sun out there is a killer.
Fred Flintstone: Poor guy, he must have been standing in it for hours.
Fred Flintstone: How can you be so stupid?
Barney Rubble: Hey, that's not very nice. Say you're sorry.
Fred Flintstone: I'm sorry you're stupid.
Barney Rubble: Say, Fred, ain't it time for the big fight?
Fred Flintstone: Hey-hey, I'm glad you remembered! You fix the chairs. I'll get the soda and popcorn.
Wilma Flintstone: I didn't know There was a fight scheduled.
Barney Rubble: [while moving two chairs over to the window looking into the neighbors' home] You kiddin'? Tonight's for the championship. Oh, it should be a real grudge bout.
Betty Rubble: Heavyweight or lightweight?
Barney Rubble: Both. A heavyweight versus a lightweight.
Wilma Flintstone: Why are you putting the chairs over there by the window? The TV set is here.
Fred Flintstone: This is not on TV. It's a closed-circuit.
Betty Rubble: But who's fighting?
Barney Rubble: The new neighbors - Mrs. and Mr. Brickrock.
Wilma Flintstone: Fred! You don't intend to eavespeep?
Fred Flintstone: Ho-ho-hoooo, I wouldn't miss tonight's bout for anything. Those two have been putting on the greatest fight of the century. Last night's bout was a doozy. Did you ever hear such hysterics? All that screaming and shrieking in that high voice?
Barney Rubble: Yeah, I thought he'd never stop!
Betty Rubble: Oh, that's terrible! You mean that meek little man hit's his wife?
Fred Flintstone: No-o-o, in the last three bouts, he didn't even lay a glove on her. He's strictly a defensive fighter.
Barney Rubble: You'd think she'd let him win once in a while just to keep up his interest.
Television Producer: [Having discovered Fred and wanting to cast him in the role of the loud-mouthed husband in the new show, "The Frogmouth"] That voice, that voice! He's the perfect Frogmouth! Get that frog! I mean, get that man! Get him up here right away! So you're Wilma's husband. I knew it, I knew it! One look at her, and I knew it! Tell me, Fred, did you ever do any acting?
Fred Flintstone: Well, heh-heh, one year I was in the spring play at Public School 158.
Television Producer: And you were Hamlet? Uh, Romeo? Er, King Arthur?
Fred Flintstone: Na-a-aw, no, none of those things. Some of the kids were trees, some were flowers, some were butterflies...
Television Producer: And what were you?
Fred Flintstone: I was a slug.
Television Producer: It figures, it figures...
Fred Flintstone: [after being called a "loudmouth"] YES I AM! SO WHAT? YOU WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT?
[Fred and Barney have just run into another car]
Fred Flintstone: Hey why don't you hold out your hand when you're making a left turn?
Rock Quarry: Left turn? I was going straight.
Fred Flintstone: Look buster you're at fault and I can prove it. I got a disinterested witness here, my neighbor and best friend Barney Rubble. Go ahead Barney, tell him just how it happened.
Barney Rubble: You drove through a boulevard stop Fred and hit that man's car.
Fred Flintstone: Muchrocks a crook? Are you sure?
Wilma Flintstone: Absolutely, he's wanted by the police.
Betty Rubble: We heard him described to a T.
Fred Flintstone: Wilma, do you know where they went?
Wilma Flintstone: They said they were going to the amusement park and then to dinner. Oh my poor mother.
[She starts crying]
Fred Flintstone: Don't you worry sweetheart, you leave it to me. Barney.
Barney Rubble: Yeah Fred?
Fred Flintstone: C'mon, let's go.
Barney Rubble: Right Fred.
Fred Flintstone: You ever play football, Barney?
Barney Rubble: Yeah Fred, why?
Fred Flintstone: Because you're going to run interference while I intercept a proposal.
[Fred goes to try out the Barney-copter and doesn't get far off the ground]
Barney Rubble: Hey, you're too fat, Fred!
Fred Flintstone: Yeah, you laugh. You'll see, Barn, they know me in this bank, they'll help me right a way.
Bank Clerk: Look, pals, it's Fred Flintstone.
Fred Flintstone: Yeah, hi. I'd like to lent some money here.
Bank Clerk: [laughing] Ha ha ha ha! See that, pals? Fred Flintstone wants money. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Betty Rubble: Sometimes I just don't know what's the matter with men.
Barney Rubble: That's easy - you women!
Barney Rubble: [Fred has just fallen down after taking a swing at Barney] Whale on the beach! Whale on the beach!
Wilma Flintstone: [while Alvin Brickrock, an Alfred Hitchcock lookalike, is at the Flintstones' front door] Do you know the Rubbles?
Barney Rubble: We've never met, but I've admired your footwork many many times.
Fred Flintstone: [while reading from an issue of "Weird Detective" magazine] Hmmmm, here's the "Crook of the Month" - "Fifteen thousand reward for information leading to apprehension of Albert Bonehart - wanted for questioning in disappearance of three former wives - Bonehart's fourth wife was last seen in a railroad station - in a valise, a ladies hat box and an executive's brief case." Well, that's one way of sending your wife to the country.
Barney Rubble: [as Alvin Brickrock returns home to find Barney and Fred in his home] Eddy-frey, when's the op-cays oming-cay?
Fred Flintstone: I couldn't ind-fay an op-cay, Arney-bay.
Barney Rubble: Oy vey
Fred Flintstone: I know what you're going to say. I don't know anything about all of this, right?
Wilma Flintstone: Right!
Fred Flintstone: Has that ever stopped me from being an expert before?