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Some Like It Hot (1959) Poster

Quotes

[last lines]

Jerry: Oh no you don't! Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all.

Osgood: Why not?

Jerry: Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde.

Osgood: Doesn't matter.

Jerry: I smoke! I smoke all the time!

Osgood: I don't care.

Jerry: Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player.

Osgood: I forgive you.

Jerry: [tragically] I can never have children!

Osgood: We can adopt some.

Jerry: But you don't understand, Osgood! Ohh...

[Jerry finally gives up and pulls off his wig]

Jerry: [normal voice] I'm a man!

Osgood: [shrugs] Well, nobody's perfect!

[Jerry looks on with disbelief as Osgood continues smiling with indifference. Fade out]

Junior: Syncopators. Does that mean you play that very fast music... jazz?

Sugar: Yeah. Real Hot.

Junior: I guess some like it hot. I personally prefer classical music.

[at the booking office, trying to be hired]

Joe: What kind of a band is this, anyway?

Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be under twenty-five.

Jerry: We could pass for that.

Sig Poliakoff: You gotta be blonde.

Jerry: We could dye our hair.

Sig Poliakoff: And you gotta be girls.

Jerry: We could...

Joe: No, we couldn't!

Osgood: I am Osgood Fielding the third.

Daphne: I'm Cinderella the second.

Sugar: [singing] I wanna be loved by you, just you, nobody else but you. I wanna be loved by you alo-o-one. Boop boop e doo.

Joe: [trying to get Jerry to face reality regarding his engagement to Osgood] Jerry, Jerry, will you take my advice? Forget about the whole thing, will ya? Just keep telling yourself: you're a boy, you're a boy.

Jerry: I'm a boy.

Joe: That's the boy.

Jerry: [coming around] I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I wish I were dead. I'm a boy. Boy, oh boy, am I a boy. Now, what am I gonna do about my engagement present?

Joe: What engagement present?

Jerry: Osgood gave me a bracelet.

Joe: [takes it and inspects the stones with Beinstock's glasses] Hey, these are real diamonds!

Jerry: Of course they're real! What do you think? My fiance is a bum?

Joe - 'Josephine': [grabbing Daphne by the collar] Daphne?

Daphne: Well, I never did like the name Geraldine.

Jerry: Have I got things to tell you!

Joe: What happened?

Jerry: I'm engaged.

Joe: Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?

Jerry: I am!

Sig Poliakoff: You're the wrong shape. Goodbye!

Joe: What are you looking for - hunchbacks or something?

Sig Poliakoff: It's not the backs that worry me.

Osgood: [referring to his mother] Right now, she thinks I'm out there on my yacht - deep sea fishing!

Daphne: Well, pull in your reel, Mr. Fielding, you're barking up the wrong fish!

Jerry: We're up the creek and you want to hock the paddle!

Sugar: [on marrying well] I don't care how rich he is, as long as he has a yacht, his own private railroad car, and his own toothpaste.

Sugar: [pouring bourbon into paper cup] Turn the lights on.

Daphne: No lights, we don't want anyone to know we're having a party.

Sugar: But I might spill some.

Daphne: So spill it! Spills, thrills, laughs, and games. This may even turn out to be a surprise party.

Sugar: What's the surprise?

Daphne: Not yet.

Sugar: When?

Daphne: Better have a drink first.

Sugar: There. That'll put hair on your chest.

Daphne: No fair guessing.

Sugar: If my mother could only see me now.

Joe: I hope *my* mother never finds out.

Sugar: Oh Josephine! The most wonderful thing happened!

Joe: What?

Sugar: Guess.

Joe: They repealed prohibition?

Jerry: Oh come now, you can do better than that.

Sugar: I met one of them.

Joe: One of whom?

Sugar: Shell Oil Junior. He's got millions, he's got glasses, he's got a yacht!

Joe: You don't say.

Jerry: He's not only got a yacht, he's got a bicycle!

Joe: [apologizing because the motor boat will only move backwards] I'm afraid it may take a little longer.

Sugar: It's not how long it takes, it's who's taking you.

Sugar: Real diamonds! They must be worth their weight in gold!

Joe - 'Josephine': [to Daphne] . What are you afraid of? No-one's asking you to have a baby!

Sugar: Story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.

Jerry: Will you look at that! Look how she moves! It's like Jell-O on springs. Must have some sort of built-in motor or something. I tell you, it's a whole different sex!

Joe: But, you're *not* a girl! You're a *guy*, and, why would a guy wanna marry a guy?

Jerry: Security!

Joe: There's another problem.

Jerry: Like what?

Joe: Like, what are you gonna do on your honeymoon?

Jerry: We've been discussing that. He wants to go to the Riviera but I kinda lean towards Niagara Falls.

Sugar: Water polo? Isn't that terribly dangerous?

Junior: I'll say. I had two ponies drowned under me.

Joe: [to Sugar] The ship is in ship-shape shape.

Joe: What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.

Jerry: Well, suppose it doesn't?

Joe: Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!

Jerry: [Jerry notices the badge of an undercover agent at a nearby table] Joe...?

Joe: Suppose Lake Michigan overflows.

Jerry: Well, don't look now, but the whole town is underwater!

Sweet Sue: Idiot broads! Here we are, all packed, ready to leave for Miami, and what happens? The saxophone runs off with a Bible salesman, and the bass fiddle gets herself pregnant! Beinstock, I ought to fire you!

Beinstock: Me? I'm the manager of the band, not the night watchman.

Osgood: [to the elevator operator] All right, driver, once around the park, slowly, and keep your eyes on the road.

Toothpick Charlie: Look, chief, I better blow 'cause if Columbo sees me, it's gonna be "Goodbye Charlie!"

Mulligan: Goodbye, Charlie.

Jerry: [Joe used a "Cary Grant" voice when posing as a millionaire] What are you trying to do to that poor girl, putting on a millionaire act? And, where did you get that phony accent? Nobody "talks loike thet"!

Osgood: You must be quite a girl.

Daphne: Wanna bet?

Mulligan: You better bring a check in case the joint is raided.

Waiter: Who's gonna raid a funeral?

Mulligan: Some people got no respect for the dead.

Mulligan: What happened here?

Little Bonaparte: [referring to Spats and his thugs] There was something in that cake that didn't agree with them.

Mulligan: My compliments to the chef. Nobody leaves this room until I get the recipe.

Little Bonaparte: You wanna make a federal case of it?

Mulligan: [grabs the speaker of Little Bonaparte's hearing aid] Yeah!

Jerry: Oh, why did I let you talk me into this?

Joe: I thought you weren't speaking to me.

Spats Colombo: [when his speakeasy is raided] What's the rap this time?

Mulligan: Embalming people with coffee - 86 proof.

Sweet Sue: Are you two from the Poliakoff agency?

Joe: Yes, we're the new girls.

Daphne: Brand new!

Daphne: [after meeting the all-girl band they'll be traveling with] How about that talent, huh? It's like falling into a tub of butter.

Joe: Watch it, Daphne!

Daphne: When I was a kid, Joe, I used to have a dream. I was locked up overnight in a pastry shop, and there was goodies all around. There was jelly rolls, and mocha eclairs, and sponge cake and Boston cream pie...

Joe: Look, Stoop...

Daphne: And cherry tart...

Joe: Stoop, listen to me! No butter, no pastry. We're on a diet!

Osgood: You know, I've always been *fascinated* by show business.

Daphne: Is that so?

Osgood: Yes. As a matter of fact it's cost my family quite a bit of money.

Daphne: Oh, you invest in shows?

Osgood: Showgirls. I've been married seven or eight times.

Daphne: You're not sure?

Osgood: Mama is keeping score.

Sugar: Been waiting long?

Junior: [gallantly] It's not how long you wait, it's who you're waiting for!

Spats Colombo: [to coin-flipping wise guy] Where did you pick up that cheap trick?

Sugar: Oh, Daphne, how can I ever repay you?

Jerry: Oh, I can think of a million things.

[Sugar gets into bed with him]

Jerry: And that's one of them!

Junior: [Kissing] I think you're on the right track.

Sugar: I must be. Your glasses are beginning to steam up.

Beinstock: [as Daphne falls up the train steps] . Whoops-a-daisy!

[smacks his bottom]

Daphne: Fresh!

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Jerry: Now you've done it! Now you have done it!

Joe: Done what?

Jerry: You tore off one of my chests!

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Joe: We didn't see anything!

Jerry: We didn't hear anything either!

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Junior: Look, if all you're interested in is whether I am married or not...

Sugar: Oh, I'm not interested at all.

Junior: Well, I'm not.

Sugar: That's very interesting!

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Bouncer: [examining a golf bag] What's in here?

Spats' Henchman: My golf clubs. The putter, niblick, number three iron...

Bouncer: [pulling out a Tommy sub-machine gun] What's this?

Spats' Henchman: My mashie!

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[first lines]

Mulligan: All right, Charlie; that the joint?

Toothpick Charlie: Yes, sir.

Mulligan: Who runs it?

Toothpick Charlie: I already told you.

Mulligan: Refresh my memory.

Toothpick Charlie: Spats Columbo.

Mulligan: That's very refreshing; what's the password?

Toothpick Charlie: "I've come to Grandma's funeral." Here's your admission card.

[he gives Mulligan a mourning armband]

Mulligan: Thanks, Charlie.

Toothpick Charlie: Now if you want a ringside table, just tell 'em that you're one of the pallbearers.

Mulligan: OK, Charlie.

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Joe: [referring to Jerry] He has an empty stomach and it's gone to his head.

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Spats Colombo: Hello, copper. What brings you to Miami?

Mulligan: Heard you "opera lovers" were having a convention, so I thought I'd better be around in case anybody decided to sing.

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Sugar: I come from this musical family. My mother is a piano teacher and my father was a conductor.

Joe: Where did he conduct?

Sugar: On the Baltimore and Ohio.

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Daphne: [after meeting the dipsomaniac Sugar] How about the shape of that liquor cabinet?

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Joe: So you got pinched in the elevator, so what? Would you rather be picking lead out of your navel?

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Sugar: [on the yacht Junior's pretending he owns] Which is the port and which is the starboard?

Junior: Well that depends. That depends on whether you're coming or going. I mean, *normally*, normally, the aft is on the other side of the stern. But - And that's the bridge, so you can get from one side of the boat to the other.

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Sugar: [admiring a large fish trophy] What is it?

Junior: It's a member of the herring family.

Sugar: A herring? Isn't it amazing how they get those big fish into those little glass jars?

Junior: They shrink when they're marinated.

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Sugar: [after running back to the room to tell Josephine about the millionaire, Joe's other alter ego, and finding she's not there] Well I'll be back later.

Jerry: Oh no you wait. I have a feeling she'll show up any minute.

Sugar: Believe it or not, Josephine predicted the whole thing.

Jerry: Yeah, this is one for Ripley.

Sugar: Do you suppose she went shopping?

Jerry: Shopping! That's it! Something tells me she's gonna come through that door in a brand new outfit!

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Sugar: Don't fight it.

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Sugar: It's me, Sugar!

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Joe: We won't breathe a word!

Spats Colombo: You won't breathe nothin' - not even air.

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Mulligan: You shave with your spats on?

Spats Colombo: I sleep with my spats on.

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Little Bonaparte: [thick Italian accent] Thank you, fellow opera-lovers. It's been ten years since I elected myself president of dis organization... an' if I say so myself, you made duh right choice. Let's look at duh record: In duh lass fissel year we made a hundred an' twelve million dollars before taxes... only we didn't pay no taxes!

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Daphne: [in the berth, with the lady band members passing food around and a corkscrew's been brought] Girls, keep it down! You'll wake up the neighbours downstairs, now Josephine... WATCH THAT CORKSCREW!

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[Jerry sees Joe impersonating a wealthy yachtsman to flirt with Sugar]

Sugar: [to Joe] This is my friend Daphne, she's a Vassar girl.

Daphne: I'm a what?

Sugar: Or was it Bryn Mawr?

Junior: [firmly to Jerry] I heard a very sad story about a girl that went to Bryn Mawr. She squealed on her roommate... and they found her strangled with her own brazier!

Daphne: Yes, we've got to be very careful who we choose for a roommate.

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Joe: [to Spats, about the murders they just witnessed] We didn't see anything. Did we?

Jerry: No!

[laughs nervously]

Jerry: Nothing. Besides, it's none of our business if you guys wanna bump each other off, we don't -

[Joe nudges him to shut him up]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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