Operation Petticoat (1959)
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: When a girl is under 21, she's protected by law. When she's over 65, she's protected by nature. Anywhere in between, she's fair game. Look out.
Lt. Nicholas Holden: Let me go shopping, sir, and see what's left at the market.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: You, Mr. Holden? You'd ruin your manicure.
Lt. Nicholas Holden: Don't let the manicure fool you, sir. I grew up in a neighborhood called 'Noah's Ark'; If you didn't travel in pairs, you just didn't travel.
Lt. Cmdr Matt T. Serman: Sir, Sea Tiger was built to fight. She deserves a better epitaph than 'Commissioned 1940, sunk 1941, engagements none, shots fired none.' Now, you can't let it go that way. That's like a beautiful woman dying an old maid, if you know what I mean by old maid.
Capt. J.B. Henderson: Did you ever sell used cars?
lt. Cmdr. Matt T.Sherman: No, Sir.
Capt. J.B. Henderson: I've got a hunch you missed your calling.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Where is Lt. Holden?
Lt. Watson: When the air raid started they took off. All he said was "in confusion there is profit."
Lt. Nicholas Holden: [Seeing Lt. Crandell and Sherman come out of the shower together] Good morning, that's a clever shower schedule you've worked out. Conserves water too.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Look, Lt. Crandell was having trouble with the shower head.
Lt. Nicholas Holden: It's your boat, sir.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: I don't want to bore you with the problems of command, Mr. Holden, because I doubt you'll ever have one. It's inconsistent with that philosophy of yours - every man for himself.
Lt. Nicholas Holden: Dog eat dog.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Exactly. The unfortunate thing about command, though, Mr. Holden, is that the responsibilities outweigh the privileges. Now if it was just myself I was concerned with, I'd tell you what to do with that list. But my responsibility is this boat, and to get her out of here I'd even make a pact with the devil.
Lt. Nicholas Holden: That's where I come in.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: That's right.
[finding water all over the floor]
Lt. Nicholas Holden: Excuse me, sir, is this normal, or should I be nervous again?
Lt. Nicholas Holden: When I was a kid, I was the victim of the most vicious propaganda. People told me that money wasn't everything and I believed it. Then I found out that the people that were telling me that money wasn't everything were the people who had a lot of money. Now there are two ways you can get money. You can steal it, or you can marry it.
Chief Mechanic's Mate Sam Tostin: I'm a religious man, Captain, and I believe we'll get through if the Good Lord puts His mind to it. Of course, He'll have to give us His undivided attention
Lt. Nicholas Holden: The scuttlebutt is that we're going to try to submerge at daybreak, and I figured if you've got to go, you might as well go big.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Mr. Holden, it's past daybreak, and we are submerged.
Lt. Nicholas Holden: We are?
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: We are.
Lt. Nicholas Holden: You mean, we're under?
Lt. Nicholas Holden: Well, it isn't a permanent situation, er... What I'm trying to say is, I mean, we can come up if we like to.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Well, I like to think we can, but then, I'm an incurable optimist.
Lt. Nicholas Holden: What happens, sir, if we, er... What happens if we can't...?
[he motions upward]
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Oh, well, if we can't, er...
[he motions upward]
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: , then, we, er...
[he motions downward]
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Subject, Toilet paper. One: on 6 June 1941, this vessel submitted a requisition for 150 rolls of toilet paper. On 16 December 1941 the requisition was returned with stamped notation, 'Cannot identify material required.' Two: the commanding officer of the USS SeaTiger cannot help but wonder what is being used at the Caviti Supply Depot as a substitute for this unidentifiable material once so well known to this command.
[Lt. Barbara Duran climbing down a ships ladder]
Lt. Barbara Duran, RN: Am I uh, going down right?
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Is she going down right?
Lt. Watson: She sure is.
Chief Mechanic's Mate Sam Tostin: A woman just shouldn't mess around with a man's machinery.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Have you ever been to sea?
Lt. Nicholas Holden: Yes, Sir. Destroyer duty.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: How did you find time for it?
Lt. Nicholas Holden: It was a mistake, Sir. About a week after I left Honolulu, they got it straightened out.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Who? The Admiral or the Admiral's wife? She must be awfully upset with you stranded out here. That will probably cost her the rumba championship this year!
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: We sunk a truck! Let's get the hell out of here!
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: It's like watching a strip tease. Don't ask how it's done, just enjoy what's coming off.
[part of the corrugated iron wall of the Admiral's office has vanished]
Capt. J.B. Henderson: Mr. Sherman, I want my wall back!
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: I'm not sure that we have it, Sir!
Capt. J.B. Henderson: You must have it! You've got everything else!
Fox: [the collision alarm goes off] Collision, sir! Collision! Collision!
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not even moving.
Fox: [comes up the ladder] I found it! I found it! I found it! Look!
[holds up a water soaked box with something in it beyond recognition]
Chief Molumphry: I give up, what is it?
Fox: It's a cake my mother sent me.
Chief Molumphry: Oh, isn't that nice. Take it down to the cook. Maybe he'll warm it up for you.
Chief Molumphry: Mothers. Why couldn't she send us something we need. Like an universal coupling joint.
Chief Mechanic's Mate Sam Tostin: [speaking to Maj.Heywood in the engine room] You know, I spent alot of years disliking women. But I don't dislike you.
Chief Mechanic's Mate Sam Tostin: You're not a woman. You're more than a woman. You're a *mechanic*
Ens. Stovall: Wow! That's what I call scavenging! Uh, what I mean is, I'm sure they could be used for something.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: I could think of any number of uses but not here and now. Mr. Stovall, Lt. Holden's influence upon you is starting to worry me. I suggest you "wow" less and "tsk tsk tsk" a little more!
Witch doctor: [removes mask and shakes head] They'll never make it.
[Hunkle has revealed the picture of Gertie tattoed on his chest]
Lt. Nicholas Holden: [pointing to Gertie] They ought to hang you in the Louvre!
Destroyer officer: [Examining the bra fished out of the water] The Japs don't have anything like these!
[turns to the depth charge crew]
Destroyer officer: Cease fire!
Lt. Cmdr Matt T. Serman: You'll have to forgive the men for staring, Mr Holden, but it's unusual to see an Admiral's aide
[indicates the braid on Holden's uniform]
Lt. Cmdr Matt T. Serman: without the Admiral!
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: We may be pink, and coming in by the grace of a woman's brassire, but we're coming in!
Lt. Nicholas Holden: [to the captain] Sir, in Las Vegas, the boys would say you're trying to make your point the hard way.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: To paraphrase Mr. Churchill: 'Never have so few stolen so much from so many... '
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Molumphry, will this boat go down?
Chief Molumphry: Like a rock sir.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Mr. Watson, how are the plates?
Lt. Watson: Tight as a drum sir.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: And the engines, Tostin?
Chief Mechanic's Mate Sam Tostin: Factory fresh, sir.
Lt. Cmdr. Matt T. Sherman: Well how about it?
Capt. J.B. Henderson: I say take your thieves and these liars here and get the hell out. Oh there's one stipulation, you'll engage no enemy shipping and that includes lifeboats. Even if you see one of them swimming in the water, avoid him. He might kick a hole in your side. Good luck Matt.
Destroyer officer: [following depth charges, lingerie appears floating on the ocean] That's debris? Stand by with the grappling hook.
Destroyer officer: [Lt. Crandall's large brassiere is pulled out of the water] Come on get that thing up here! Come on, come on.
Destroyer officer: [examines brassiere in astonishment] The Japanese have nothing like this. Cease fire!