Rock Hunter: That's right Sweetie, I'm president of Rita Marlowe Productions, Incorporated, but Miss Marlowe is the titular head.
Rockwell Hunter: I'm not a failure. I'm the largest success there is. I'm an average guy. And all us average guys are successes. We run the works! Not the big guy behind the big desk!
Rock Hunter: Of course, the great thing about television is that it lets you see events live as they happen, like old movies from thirty years ago.
Rita Marlowe: George, how come you never tried to kiss me before?
George Schmidlap: I never could get close enough.
[turns his head to the camera and raises his eyebrows up and down]
Rita Marlowe: Don't leave me out, I have to be important in my own incorporated.
Rita Marlowe: How can I remember? I'm all excited because you're loving me up!
Henry Rufus: [watching reporters swarm a movie star] What's Rita saying?... Turn on the TV.
Rock Hunter: Which station?
Henry Rufus: Any station! It's like when the president speaks.
Violet: Don't tell me you've gone and flipped for Rock?
[Peers at her]
Violet: Well, I'll be a writer's subplot. You have.
Violet: What you need is a drink.
Rock Hunter: And how!
Violet: Maybe two drinks! What'll it be?
Rock Hunter: Something simple. A bottle and a straw.
Tony Randall: Ladies and gentlemen, this break in our motion picture is made out of respect for the TV fans in our audience, who are accustomed to constant interruptions in their programs for messages from sponsors. We want all you TV fans to feel at home, and not forget the thrill you get, watching television on your big, 21-inch screens.
Scrubwoman: Wow! Contains Fallout, the exclusive, patented ingredient.
Breakfast Food Demonstrator: Each little Crunchie contains energy, contains pep for your growing youngsters, builds strong legs so that when they're older they can stand the long waits in the unemployment lines.
Rock Hunter: You were my idol. I regarded you as a big man, but you're not a big man. You're just a little... poop of a man. And that's the way the poop poops.