The Story of Mankind (1957)
The Spirit of Man: Once upon a time, there were two angels, one angel said to the other...
First Angel: This story, here in the newspaper; some fellow down on Earth has actually discovered the secret of the super H-bomb!
Second Angel: Impossible! You must be mistaken. Why, they're not ready or wise enough to handle it yet. If exploded now, the bomb would blow Man and his Earth sky-high. No one would be left alive.
First Angel: My, my, the housing shortage up here would be terrible! What'll we do?
Marie Antoinette: Oh, would it be tactless to ask, what the poor creatures want?
Marquis de Varennes: They protest they haven't any bread, your Majesty! Ha-ha-ha.
Marie Antoinette: O, no bread, indeed. Then, let them eat cake! Ha-ha-ha!
Antony: Cleopatra, why did you turn your ship from the fight?
Cleopatra: I believed the battle to be lost.
Antony: All the galleys have scattered and fled before the enemy and just when the battle was almost won!
Cleopatra: Do not blame me, what do I know of war?
Antony: But what about - love? Ours? If the worst came, we had sworn to die together.
Cleopatra: Aren't we together now, Antony? Oh, we can sail back to Alexandria, always together. We can still live, my dearest.
Antony: With shame on our names.
Cleopatra: Oh, but with love for each other in our hearts. My galley is swift. The Romans will never catch us. Come closer to me, Antony.
Antony: What have you done to me? Where have you led me? I was the greatest Roman of them all. What am I, now?
Cleopatra: You are my love.
Indian Chief: How.
Peter Minuit: Three minutes, and leave 'em in the shell.
Indian Chief: What?
Peter Minuit: No, not what, how!
Indian Chief: Ugh.
The Devil: SOME reward for the man who helped settle the new world.
The Spirit of Man: Man was created in the image of God. But there the similarity ends.
The Spirit of Man: Man had lived though many ages before the first dawning of reason lead him toward the warmth of the fire. After an infinity of groping in the darkness, man was beginning to find some answers. To understand the values which lay in group living and mutual assistance.
The Devil: This is the court of Nero. Evil and depraved. Whose debauchery and perversion surpassed even the wildest and wickedest dreams of the most deluded. And this is Nero. Nursed on a witch's venom, twisted by endless orgies, this madman knew no end to violence, no limit to lunacy.
The Devil: Flatterer, maniac, rapist, pervert, matricide, arsonist, bigamist, and sometimes accomplished musician and singer for all social occasions.
Christopher Columbus: And so Father, the ship sails east from Spain over a long and tedious route and finally, after much travel, it lands in the Indies. Now, just suppose it were possible to reach the Indies by traveling in the opposite direction. West instead of east. And just suppose the route was shorter and more direct.
Monk: Impossible. Impossible.
Christopher Columbus: Why?
Monk: I'll show you why. Only madmen would sail on the alchemy. You would sail right off the end of the earth into a dark abyss. Boom. No more ship.
Christopher Columbus: But suppose Father, that there were no end of the earth, no dark abyss. Here,
[Picks up an orange]
Christopher Columbus: Suppose this is Spain and suppose these are the Indies. And suppose instead of traveling east, the ship travels west to around the earth and in half the time, lands in the Indies.
Monk: Possible. Possible. Buono. Buono.
Indian Chief: Medicine man say me sick. If me no sick, me no sell island. Me sick, so me go west.
Peter Minuit: You're crazy to go west, the whole west if full of indians. You're liable to get killed.
Peter Minuit: I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll raise my offer to 22 dollars.
Indian Chief: 26 dollars. Not cent less, for island of Manhattan.
Peter Minuit: Why don't we have a drink and forget the whole deal.
Indian Chief: My medicine man tell me no drink, no smoke.
Peter Minuit: No drink and no smoke?
Indian Chief: No.
Peter Minuit: What about girls?
Indian Chief: No girls.
Peter Minuit: What about her?
Indian Chief: She my daughter, she no girl.
Peter Minuit: That's what he thinks.
Peter Minuit: Now, just let me get this straight. You're not allowed to drink?
Indian Chief: No.
Peter Minuit: No smoke and no girls?
Indian Chief: No.
Peter Minuit: Well, what do you want the 26 dollars for? You better get another doctor and have a little bit of fun out of life.
Peter Minuit: Now, this is my final offer, 24 dollars and not a penny more.
Indian Chief: Robbery! White man rob poor injun.
Peter Minuit: So, you think you're being robbed, eh? Be glad its not 300 years later. You might have been wiped out in the stock market. Now, is it a deal or isn't it?
Indian Chief: Robbery!
Peter Minuit: That's quite true, but, eh, is it a deal or isn't it?
Indian Chief: Deal.
Peter Minuit: Now, wait a minute, I got to have these tags for my income tax returns. These tags are very valuable.
Indian Chief: Tags valuable?
Peter Minuit: I'll say.
Indian Chief: Me take tags. You take jewels. Chief no fool.
Peter Minuit: No wonder you're the Chief. With a brain like yours, the white man hasn't got a chance.
The Devil: I like bloodshed. But, when it comes to revolution, man hasn't always been as moderate as he was in North America. Take France, 13 years later, nobody would've dreamed the country was bankrupt, the courtiers giggled and made love.
The Devil: Then, came the red man, fighting for his very survival and the white man determined to take away this so-called god-given heritage, used the foulest of methods. Rather confusing, don't you think?