On a small island in the South Pacific, the Navy's P.R. department is spending WWII without getting near a ship. Lt. Max Siegal is the Second in command to a clueless Commanding Officer who... See full summary »
Three decorated Navy pilots finagle a four day leave in San Francisco. They procure a posh suite at the hotel and Commander Crewson, a master of procurement, arranges to populate it with ... See full summary »
Mary Turner goes up for three years on a crime she didn't commit. Once out she and former prison mates plan a scam in which old men can be sued for breach of promise - the "heart balm" ... See full summary »
While waiting in New York City to ship out to Europe, a sailor stops by a serviceman's canteen and meets a USO hostess. They immediately fall for each other and get married that night. ... See full summary »
Jack lives the high life and wants to make Marjorie his one and only. He then learns that his deceased father is alive but dying of lead poisoning. His father sent him away, twenty years ... See full summary »
On a small island in the South Pacific, the Navy's P.R. department is spending WWII without getting near a ship. Lt. Max Siegal is the Second in command to a clueless Commanding Officer who believes Sea Duty to be the worst punishment he can give one of his men. Siegal has to keep the foreign correspondents happy, keep his Commander out of trouble and figure out a way for one of the enlisted sailors to date the lady Lieutenant of his dreams - all while convincing a certain island schoolteacher that he's the man for her. Written by
April M. Cheek <Aravis2713@aol.com>
Ship's bells in the Navy ring every 30 minutes. The duration between the ringing of two and three bells during the staff meeting is four minutes in a scene that plays out in real time without a break. See more »
On a picturesque South Pacific island, during World War II, a US Navy base handles public relations. Unmarried star lieutenant Glenn Ford (as Max Siegel) takes visiting congressmen on a tour. Beautiful native schoolteacher Gia Scala (as Melora Alba) catches his eye. Enlisted sailor Earl Holliman (as Adam Garrett) likes the way pretty perfumed Anne Francis (as Alice Tomlen) "crosses her legs." Laidback young Russ Tamblyn (as Tyson) doesn't like washing teen-spirited sheets for war reporter Keenan Wynn (as Gordon Ripwell). Comic commander Fred Clark (as Clinton "Marblehead" Nash) is in charge. If you stick around, you'll see head-turning Eva Gabor (as Deborah "Debbie" Aldrich and foul-mouthed Mickey Shaughnessy (as Farragut Jones)...
The all-star cast is likable. However, the juvenile romances, snickering innuendo and silly slapstick don't mix well. Best part is a very funny episode involving Mr. Shaughnessy reputedly using what is politely called "The F-word," but you have to wade through much tediousness to get there. The title "Don't Go Near the Water" refers to the fact that the characters play on dry land well, until we see Ms. Gabor's lacy black underwear. This was based on a novel, which suggests there might have been a more interesting story somewhere. Although Glenn Ford was then too big a movie star to do it, this would have made a fine half-hour situation comedy starring Mr. Ford, Mr. Clark and Mr. Tamblyn, who provide a solid anchor and cover their demographics.
***** Don't Go Near the Water (11/14/57) Charles Walters ~ Glenn Ford, Fred Clark, Russ Tamblyn, Earl Holliman
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