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Don't Go Near the Water (1957)

6.3
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On a small island in the South Pacific, the Navy's P.R. department is spending WWII without getting near a ship. Lt. Max Siegal is the Second in command to a clueless Commanding Officer who... See full summary »

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Title: Don't Go Near the Water (1957)

Don't Go Near the Water (1957) on IMDb 6.3/10

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Nominated for 2 Golden Globes. Another 2 wins & 3 nominations. See more awards »
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Edit

Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
...
Lt. J.G. Max Siegel
Gia Scala ...
Melora Alba
...
Adam Garrett
...
Lt. Alice Tomlen
...
Gordon Ripwell
...
Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash
...
Deborah Aldrich
...
Ens. Tyson
...
Lt. Ross Pendleton
Mickey Shaughnessy ...
Farragut Jones
Howard Smith ...
Adm. Junius Boatwright
Romney Brent ...
Mr. Alba - Melora's Father
...
Janie
Jack Straw ...
Lt. Cmdr. Gladstone
Robert Nichols ...
Lt. Cmdr. Hereford
Edit

Storyline

On a small island in the South Pacific, the Navy's P.R. department is spending WWII without getting near a ship. Lt. Max Siegal is the Second in command to a clueless Commanding Officer who believes Sea Duty to be the worst punishment he can give one of his men. Siegal has to keep the foreign correspondents happy, keep his Commander out of trouble and figure out a way for one of the enlisted sailors to date the lady Lieutenant of his dreams - all while convincing a certain island schoolteacher that he's the man for her. Written by April M. Cheek <Aravis2713@aol.com>

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

Funnier Than The Hilarious Book About The Navy Boys Who Made Almost Everything But Sea Duty! See more »


Certificate:

Approved | See all certifications »
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Details

Country:

Language:

Release Date:

December 1957 (USA)  »

Also Known As:

Geh nicht zu nah ans Wasser  »

Company Credits

Show detailed on  »

Technical Specs

Runtime:

Sound Mix:

(Westrex Recording System)

Color:

(Metrocolor)

Aspect Ratio:

2.35 : 1
See  »
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Did You Know?

Goofs

Ship's bells in the Navy ring every 30 minutes. The duration between the ringing of two and three bells during the staff meeting is four minutes in a scene that plays out in real time without a break. See more »

Quotes

Gordon Ripwell: You're taking good care of me, kid! Went to Harvard, didn't you, Junior?
Ens. Tyson: Princeton.
Gordon Ripwell: Six of one, half a dozen of the other! They're both pantywaist factories. I never go within spittin' distance of a college myself.
Lt. J.G. Max Siegel: [sotto voce] I sensed that.
See more »

Connections

Referenced in The Money Pit (1986) See more »

Soundtracks

Don't Go Near The Water
Music by Bronislau Kaper
Lyrics by Sammy Cahn
Sung by The Lancers
See more »

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User Reviews

 
Episodic Island Comedy
31 December 2013 | by (Earth) – See all my reviews

On a picturesque South Pacific island, during World War II, a US Navy base handles public relations. Unmarried star lieutenant Glenn Ford (as Max Siegel) takes visiting congressmen on a tour. Beautiful native schoolteacher Gia Scala (as Melora Alba) catches his eye. Enlisted sailor Earl Holliman (as Adam Garrett) likes the way pretty perfumed Anne Francis (as Alice Tomlen) "crosses her legs." Laidback young Russ Tamblyn (as Tyson) doesn't like washing teen-spirited sheets for war reporter Keenan Wynn (as Gordon Ripwell). Comic commander Fred Clark (as Clinton "Marblehead" Nash) is in charge. If you stick around, you'll see head-turning Eva Gabor (as Deborah "Debbie" Aldrich and foul-mouthed Mickey Shaughnessy (as Farragut Jones)...

The all-star cast is likable. However, the juvenile romances, snickering innuendo and silly slapstick don't mix well. Best part is a very funny episode involving Mr. Shaughnessy reputedly using what is politely called "The F-word," but you have to wade through much tediousness to get there. The title "Don't Go Near the Water" refers to the fact that the characters play on dry land – well, until we see Ms. Gabor's lacy black underwear. This was based on a novel, which suggests there might have been a more interesting story somewhere. Although Glenn Ford was then too big a movie star to do it, this would have made a fine half-hour situation comedy starring Mr. Ford, Mr. Clark and Mr. Tamblyn, who provide a solid anchor and cover their demographics.

***** Don't Go Near the Water (11/14/57) Charles Walters ~ Glenn Ford, Fred Clark, Russ Tamblyn, Earl Holliman


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