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J.J. Fate: [about Donald] He wouldn't think about going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, but this particular maneuver is called: "Falling Down Stairs." There are many ways of doing this if you aren't careful. The "Bumps-a-daisy Half Twist"...

[Donald sets a TV set down at the top of the stairs, his feet get tangled in the cord and it falls down taking him with it]

J.J. Fate: "Jelly roll"...

[Donald trips and gets wrapped up in the red rug and rolls down the stairs in it]

J.J. Fate: "Catapult High Dive"...

[Donald steps onto a loose stair board and it sends him into the air]

J.J. Fate: "Climbing Mount Everest"...

[Donald carries many, many heavy things upstairs and he falls back down with them]

J.J. Fate: "Riding a Rolly Coaster"!

[Donald slips into a toy wagon and goes down the stairs]

J.J. Fate: Now Mr. Duck doesn't take chances, he's just careless.

[Donald leans against the banister and it breaks sending him down to the first floor]

J.J. Fate: Oh yes! That's one I forgot to mention.

Donald Duck: [angrily] That's the last straw!

[cleans up the house to make it much safer]

Donald Duck: I'm going to work, where it's safe!

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J.J. Fate: [Donald's cleaning his shirt next to the hot stove cooking dinner] Cleaning fluid plus stove equals... *a sure-fire method for removing spots*!

[jumps into the bread box as a flaming explosion ensues from Donald's carelessness]

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Donald Duck: Everything happens to me! It's fate! That's what it is: fate!

J.J. Fate: Listen to him blame me for his carelessness.

[scoffs]

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[First lines]

J.J. Fate: Howdy. I'm J.J. Fate, fall guy. My middle name is Jonah, and Jinx is in there, too. Hoodoo fits me like a glove, but Fate's my name to you.

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J.J. Fate: You know, accidents don't just happen by themselves. They have to be carelessly planned in advance. So step right up and have an accident. The average home is really a complicated piece of machinery, equipped with all the modern conveniences... for having an accident, if you inisist.

[Donald lights up a pipe in a gas leak; explosion follows]

J.J. Fate: He did.

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J.J. Fate: Do you realize that nearly five million people suffered in home accidents last year? And everybody blames me, daggnabit!

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[Last lines]

J.J. Fate: This is an average neighborhood.

[a house has its roof blown off]

J.J. Fate: These are average homes.

[Another house bursts into flames]

J.J. Fate: Average people live here...

[a man is seen shooting out of a chimney]

J.J. Fate: ... having average accidents.

[a couple more homes explode; a car breaks out a close garage]

J.J. Fate: Because they don't use average intelligence. It's like I said: Don't blame me for your carelessness.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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