Phil Davis: My dear partner, when what's left of you gets around to what's left to be gotten, what's left to be gotten won't be worth getting, whatever it is you've got left.
Bob Wallace: When I figure out what that means I'll come up with a crushing reply.
Doris: Well, I like that! Without so much as a "kiss my foot" or "have an apple."
Phil Davis: I want you to get married. I want you to have nine children. And if you only spend five minutes a day with each kid, that's forty-five minutes, and I'd at least have time to go out and get a massage or something.
Bob Wallace: You don't expect me to get serious with the kind of characters you and Rita have been throwing at me, do you?
Phil Davis: Well, there've been some nice girls, too, you know.
Bob Wallace: Oh yeah, yeah. Like that nuclear scientist we just met out in the hall.
Phil Davis: All right, they didn't go to college. They didn't go to Smith.
Bob Wallace: Go to Smith? She couldn't even spell it.
Phil Davis: Oh, that's very funny. Ho, ho, ho. The crooner is now becoming the comic.
Phil Davis: How can a guy THAT ugly have the nerve to have sisters?
Bob Wallace: Very brave parents, I guess.
Bob Wallace: Oh, Phil, when are you gonna learn that girls like that are a dime a dozen?
Phil Davis: Please, don't quote me the price when I haven't got the time.
Phil Davis: You know, in some ways, you're far superior to my cocker spaniel.
Phil Davis: Give me one reason, one good reason, why we should spend our last two hours in Florida looking at the sisters of Freckle-Face Haynes, the dog-faced boy.
Bob Wallace: Let's just say we're doing it for a pal in the army, huh?
Phil Davis: Well, it's not good, but it's a reason.
Phil Davis: It's cozier, isn't it? Boy, girl, boy, girl?
Phil Davis: [to the Haynes sisters] Mr. Wallace was just saying how remarkable it was that Benny Haynes' sisters should have eyes...
Phil Davis: [voice cracks] ... I-I-I mean, blue eyes. That is eyes, uh...
Bob Wallace: Nice out.
Betty Haynes: [finding Judy and Phil embracing] What is this? The best two outta three?
Judy Haynes: I guess I got carried away.
Judy Haynes: Yes, she carried me right with her - I don't weigh very much.
Judy Haynes: We're booked for the holidays.
Phil Davis: Vermont, huh?
Judy Haynes: Oh, Vermont should be beautiful this time of the year, with all that snow.
Phil Davis: Yeah, you know something?
Judy Haynes: What?
Phil Davis: Vermont should be beautiful this time of the year, all that snow.
Judy Haynes: That's what I just said.
Phil Davis: We seem to be getting a little mixed up.
Judy Haynes: Maybe it's the music.
Phil Davis: Maybe it isn't only the music.
Bob Wallace: Miss Haynes, if you're ever under a falling building and somebody runs up and offers to pick you up and carry you to safety, don't think, don't pause, don't hesitate for a moment, just spit in his eye.
Betty Haynes: What did that mean?
Bob Wallace: It means we're going to Vermont.
Phil Davis: How much is "wow"?
Bob Wallace: It's right in between, uh, between "ouch" and "boing".
Phil Davis: Wow!
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: There's no Christmas in the Army, Captain.
[General Waverly has told the jeep driver to take the new Commanding General back to Headquarters via "the short cut"]
Joe, Adjutant Captain: [pointing after the departed jeep] That's not the way back to Headquarters!
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: Joe, YOU know that, and I know that, but, uh, the General doesn't know it. At least he won't for about an hour and a half.
Joe, Adjutant Captain: That sergeant will be a private in the morning.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: [wearily] Yes, isn't he lucky.
[General Waverly has come downstairs for the Christmas Eve show in his uniform]
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: [to Susan] You didn't expect me to come down in my bathrobe, did you?
Phil Davis: Imagine a girl in show business today wanting to settle down and raising a family. It's so refreshing, isn't it?
Bob Wallace: [into his water glass] Pushing, pushing.
Phil Davis: [describing his kind to Judy] Well, I'm, uh, more the 'I-don't-mind-pushing-my-best-friend-into-but-I'm-scared-stiff-when-I-get-anywhere-close-to-it-myselfing' kind.
Phil Davis: [after performing "Sisters"] Hey, we're a smash. Let's take a bow!
Bob Wallace: You crazy? We'll be takin' a bow down at the jail house. Come on.
Phil Davis: [about the train tickets] I don't seem to have them. Maybe you got 'em, Bob.
Bob Wallace: ME? You crazy? I saw you put 'em in your pocket.
Phil Davis: Well, they're gone. There're gone. I must have left 'em in my girdle.
Judy Haynes: [about Betty] Mm-mm, but I got a flash for you.
Phil Davis: What?
Judy Haynes: She's a real slow mover.
Phil Davis: Honey, I got a flash right back for ya: she's in there with the champ.
Phil Davis: [about Bob's idea to help the General] I think it's impossible, ridiculous and insane!
Bob Wallace: Anything else?
Phil Davis: Yeah, I wish I'd thought of it first.
Judy Haynes: [about Betty] Last night, she couldn't sleep; today, she won't eat: she's in love.
Phil Davis: Well, if that's love, somebody goofed.
Phil Davis: [describing his injury after "falling down the stairs"] It's probably just a small internal muscular hemorrhage, sir.
Ex-Soldier: [attempting to button his uniform pants] Captain, dis things haff shrunked!
Bob Wallace: Well, your appetite hasn't shrunk.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: [to Capt. Wallace] Don't just stand there - how do I get off?
Phil Davis: We like to take care of our friends.
Betty Haynes: We're practically strangers!
Phil Davis: Well... well, we'd like to take care of that, too.
Judy Haynes: But... but you might get yourself in an awful jam. Why should you? I mean, what's in it for you?
Phil Davis: Forty-five minutes all to myself.
Phil Davis: We wouldn't be any good as generals.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: You weren't any good as privates
Betty Haynes: [singing on the train] I wanna wash my hands, my face, my hair with snow.
Phil Davis: Gosh, I hope I can take the electric blanket back.
Bob Wallace: Where you got that?
Phil Davis: Under the underwear.
Bob Wallace: Oh, you'll get a nice tan.
Bob Wallace: We ate, and then he ate. We slept, then he slept.
Phil Davis: Yeah, then he woke up and nobody slept for forty-eight hours.
Phil Davis: [Buying train tickets] Uh, I don't seem to have any cash.
Bob Wallace: What did you do with THAT, leave it in your snood?
Emma Allen: [Regarding the inn] He sunk everything - his pension, his life savings - EVERYTHING in remodeling this place. Used to be a grist mill and a barn; now it's a Tyrolean haunted house.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: Why here?
Bob Wallace: Well, you got this nice big empty ski lodge, and the minute Phil and I saw it, we thought it was ideal, didn't we, Phil?
Phil Davis: Uh, that's right, Bob, ideal. That's exactly the word we used, too - ideal. We looked at this big ski lodge and we said "Isn't it ideal, absolutely, ideal," didn't we?
Bob Wallace: Ideal.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: We've established the fact the lodge is ideal.
Judy Haynes: [after creating her phony engagement with Phil] But, don't you think we ought to... oh... kiss or something?
Phil Davis: [Obviously nervous] Uh... n-n-not until it's absolutely necessary.
Bob Wallace: [Regarding Phil] I don't know what you see in this long drink of charged water but, honestly, after you get to know him he's almost endurable.
Bob Wallace: [to Judy] You outta consider yourself plenty lucky! You might have been stuck with this weirdsmobile for life!
Betty Haynes: Mr. Bones? Mr. Bones? How do you feel, Mr. Bones?
Phil Davis: Rattlin'!
Betty Haynes: Mr. Bones feels rattlin'. Ha ha. That's a good one. Tell a little story, Mr. Bones.
Bob Wallace: A funny little story, Mr. Bones!
Phil Davis: How can you stop an angry dog from biting you on Monday?
Betty Haynes: That joke is old. The answer is to kill the dog on Sunday!
Phil Davis: That's not the way to stop a dog from biting you on Monday!
Betty Haynes: How would you bring the thing about?
Phil Davis: Have the doggy's teeth pulled out!
Betty Haynes: Oh, Mr. Bones, that's terrible!
Phil Davis: Uh-huh.
Phil Davis: Uh-huh.
Judy Haynes: Looks like it's absolutely necessary.
Bob Wallace: Well, I've got a feeling I'm not gonna like it.
Phil Davis: I got a feeling you're gonna hate it.
Bob Wallace: Well, what am I doin' it for?
Phil Davis: Let's just say we're...
[Bob leaves to go make a phone call]
Phil Davis: [sighs] I don't know what he's up to, but he's got that Rodgers and Hammerstein look again.
Betty Haynes: Is that bad?
Phil Davis: Not bad, but always expensive.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: I got along very well in the Army without you.
Emma Allen: It took 15,000 men to take m' place.
[after Bob has found out about Phil and Judy's phony engagement]
Judy Haynes: Well, ib... ib... ib... It's always that she's been kind of a mother hen.
Phil Davis: Yeah, we wanted the mother hen to leave the roost so that the little chick could... Oh, I guess we laid an egg.
Bob Wallace: An egg? Brother, you laid a Vermont volleyball!
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: How could you have sent all my suits to the cleaners?
Emma Allen: [laconically] You've only got two.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: Well, I think you'd send one at a time then, in that case.
Judy Haynes: [to Phil] Well, you're not exactly Superman, but you're awfully available.
Bob Wallace: Hey, Davis! How you feelin'?
Phil Davis: Oh, pretty good, Captain.
Bob Wallace: I just dropped by to thank you for saving my life.
Phil Davis: Well, it was a life worth saving, sir.
Betty Haynes: Look who's talkin' about guilt!
Bob Wallace: What do you mean by that?
Betty Haynes: I mean you shouldn't mix fairy tales with liverwurst and buttermilk.
Bob Wallace: What d'you have for lunch today?
Betty Haynes: I didn't have lunch.
Bob Wallace: Well, maybe you ought to eat some.
Betty Haynes: Why is everybody suddenly so concerned about my eating habits? Why don't people just leave me alone?
Phil Davis: [singing 'Choreography'] Through the air they keep flying, like a duck that is dying. Instead of dance, it's choreography.
Doris: [after Phil and Judy announce their engagement at the party] I sure wish it would happen to me.
Phil Davis: Yeah, I do, too.
Bob Wallace: [to Phil and Judy] You ought to be horsewhipped. First you, and then you, and then you again.
Phil Davis: [Looking at Judy; to Bob] Hey, how about those big brown eyes?
Bob Wallace: [Looking at Betty] No, they're blue.
Phil Davis: [Still looking at Judy] Brown.
Bob Wallace: [Still looking at Betty] Uh-uh, blue.
Phil Davis: [Follows Bob's gaze and sees Betty] Oh, yeah. *Deep* blue.
Bob Wallace: We came up here for the snow. Where're you keepin' it?
Emma Allen: Well, we take it in during the day!
Betty Haynes: [singing "Gee I Wish I Was Back In The Army"] The Army was the place to find romance: Soldiers and WACs / The WACs who dressed in slacks / Dancing cheek-to-cheek and pants-to-pants.
[Susan and the General enter the ballroom to find two rows of soldiers forming a path to the stage]
Bob Wallace: [Steping up to the General and saluting] Troops ready for inspection, sir!
Joe, Adjutant Captain: [at his side] Just routine, sir.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: ["inspecting the troops" at the inn] I am not satisfied with the conduct of this division. Some of you men are under the impression having been at Anzio entitles you not to wear neckties. Well you're wrong. Neckties will be worn in this area! And look at the rest of your appearance. You're a disgrace to the outfit. You're soft! You're sloppy! You're unruly! You're undisciplined!
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: And I never saw anything look so wonderful in my whole life! Thank you all.
General Harold G. Carlton: Stop the jeep, Sergeant. What's this all about, Captain?
Bob Wallace: Oh, no. You wouldn't do this to me.
Phil Davis: Wouldn't do what?
Bob Wallace: After you dressed me up like a dame...
Judy Haynes: [inquiring about the inn] Well, are things really that bad?
Emma Allen: We're using the ski tow to hang the wash on.
Bob Wallace: Well, break your arm, or your ankle or your neck but don't break anything valuable, huh?
Phil Davis: Okay, Bob. You can depend on me.
Emma Allen: Oh, my word, if I wasn't such a mean old biddy, I'd break right down and cry.
Phil Davis, Bob Wallace: [singing "Gee I Wish I Was Back In The Army"] A soldier out of luck / Was really never stuck / There's always someone higher up where you can pass the buck / Oh, gee, I wish I was back in the army.
Bob Wallace: [after he learns that Betty and Judy has informed them they're singing in Vermont] It sounds very Vermonty!
[Phil rolls his eyes after Bob discovers that's why they should change their holiday plans]