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Calamity Jane (1953) Poster

(1953)

Quotes

[the singer is a man in drag]

Wild Bill Hickok: She ain't very good lookin'

Calamity Jane: That ain't all she ain't.

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Calamity Jane: Make mine sarsparilly!

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Calamity Jane: Excitement? Why, I got more arrows in the back of that coach than a porcupine has got stickers!

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Calamity Jane: Look at these! Silk, pure silk! I'll bet her mother spun 'em!

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Calamity Jane: [singing] At last my heart's an open door / And my secret love's no secret any more.

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Calamity Jane: That's better. Next time I tell a story, keep your hands in your *pockets* you toothless old buffalo!

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[Bill is dressed as an Indian woman with a baby]

Calamity Jane: Gosh almighty, it's Bill Hickok!

[proceeds to laugh along with everyone else]

Wild Bill Hickok: [hands baby over] Here take him.

[stands up]

Wild Bill Hickok: The next man that laughs is gonna get his head ventilated.

[silence and Bill sits down. Calamity laughs again after a few moments]

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Calamity Jane: Whip, crack, away!

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Katie Brown: [song] Well now if you've got a cutie who's a real sweet petutie, better keep it under your hat. Just remember curiosity in fables of old, killed the curious cat. Well now if you've got a laddy who's a real sugar daddy, better take in the welcoming mat. Remember there's a dozen dolls for every dan, you're not the only sweetpea in the can, so if you wanna know the way to keep your man. Keep it under your hat. Keep it under your hat.

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Wild Bill Hickok: That's a right-smart looking harness you got on there.

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Calamity Jane: I got a strange feelin' somebody's bein' hustled.

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Calamity Jane: This town ain't big enough! Not for me and that frilled-up, flirtin', man-rustlin' petticoat, it ain't!

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Henry Miller: [looks inside stage coach] Is there a woman in here?

[Indians are looking at and touching Frances clothes and bag inside the stage coach]

Francis Fryer: No sir. Just Indians.

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Calamity Jane: [singing] Hi Joe / say where'd you get them fancy clothes? / I know / off some fella's laundry line. / Hi Bow / aren't you the prairie rose / Smell like a watermelon vine.

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[Katie is looking in a mirror talking to herself in a dressing room]

Katie Brown: You'd like to run away wouldn't you? Catch a train get out of this crazy town. But you can't. Your trapped. There is no train. Oh clever, clever you...

[starts to powder her face is startled by a knock and told she has five minutes. She looks in the mirror and sees her face is white with powder]

Katie Brown: Five minutes and look at you. You haven't even got a face

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Calamity Jane: [while in Chicago, sees a store window with wigs on display] Scalps!

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Calamity Jane: Enjoy the show!

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Wild Bill Hickok: [finds a gun hidden in Calamity's wedding dress] What's this fer?

Calamity Jane: Awww... just in case any more actresses come in from Chicagy!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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