Ma Kettle: Pa, you're lazier than that old hound dog we used to have.
Pa Kettle: Which one?
Ma Kettle: The one that used to lean against the wall when she barked.
Elizabeth Parker: You know, Ma, I bet you once had an hourglass figure.
Ma Kettle: Yeah, but the sand sure shifted.
Elizabeth Parker: What name have you decided to give the child?
Kim Parker Kettle: Well, we sort of thought we'd name him after his father.
Elizabeth Parker: Thomas? Oh, but, my dear, Thomas is such an ordinary name, it has no... no character, no color.
Ma Kettle: Thomas Jefferson's name was Thomas!
Ma Kettle: [about Elizabeth's choice of name for Tom's child] I bet she hangs around until after the christening to make sure the baby gets the name she wants.
Tom Kettle: What name does she want?
Ma Kettle: Jonathan.
Tom Kettle: But Kim and I had sort of decided on Thomas?
Ma Kettle: Well, she's decided different. She says, "Thomas is too ordinary, it has no character, no color."
Pa Kettle: You know, I'm sorry about the way Mrs. Parker treated you fellas yesterday.
Geoduck: Eastern squaw pretty fresh!
Pa Kettle: No, she's from society. She don't understand us kind of folks, claims her ancestors came over on the Mayflower.
Geoduck: Huh, that nothing. Mine here to greet them.
Pa Kettle: Well, I never thought of that.