Don't Throw That Knife (1951)
Shemp Howard: Shemp
Quotes
-
Moe : [Shemp and Larry are pretending to be a couple] Good morning what is your name please?
Shemp : Shempena Howard.
Moe : Well married or single?
Shemp : Married and this is my husband, the rat.
Larry : Cut it out.
Moe : Tell me Sir, have you any children?
Larry : [Larry counts his fingers] No children.
Moe : Where were you born, madam?
Shemp : In the hospital.
Moe : Hospital?
Shemp : Yes, I want to be near my mother.
-
Larry : What does your husband do?
Lucy Wyckoff : He's an expert in legerdemain.
Larry : Legerdemain. Oh, a bookkeeper.
Lucy Wyckoff : No, he's a prestidigitator.
Shemp : Oh, a pants presser?
Moe : Are you guys ignorant? Didn't you hear the lady say? He presses refrigerators.
Lucy Wyckoff : No, no, no. We do an illusion act in vaudeville. He's a magician. He makes things disappear.
Shemp : I got an uncle who can make things disappear.
Moe : Is he a magician?
Shemp : No, he's a kleptomaniac.
-
Mr. Wycoff : [thinking that he's talking to his wife under the bed covers when really it's Shemp] I'm sorry I suspected you. You know how much I love you. Won't you just tell me you forgive me?
Shemp : [in a feminine voice] I forgive you, dear.
Mr. Wycoff : How about giving daddy a little kiss. Come on, honey, give me a little kiss.
[kisses Shemp's arm, then noticing the hairs on Shemp's arm, he plucks some of them out]
Shemp : OUCH!
[in a feminine voice]
Shemp : Ouch! Darling, you're rough. You hurt little me.