You Bet Your Life (1950–1961)
Groucho: Why do you have so many children?
Female Contestant: Well, I love my husband very much.
Groucho: Hey, I enjoy a good cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
Groucho: If we got together as an act, what would it be called?
Contestant: It would be Gonzales-Gonzales and Marx.
Groucho: [to audience] Do you believe that? Two men in the act, and I get third billing!
Announcer: Our next contestants are Marika Aba...
Groucho: And a happy new year.
Groucho: May I kiss your wife?
Contestant: That would have to be over my dead body.
Groucho: Have it your way. Fenneman, get the gun!
Female Contestant: I met this gentleman in Laguna Beach...
Groucho: There *are* no gentlemen in Laguna Beach.
Female Contestant: Well, this gentleman is now abroad.
Groucho: [pause while the audience titters] Couldn't be Christine, could it?
Contestant: [Groucho has just asked a question] Well, I believe in doing it the old-fashioned way.
Groucho: [Groucho looks down and smiles. The audience begins to giggle. Groucho then looks up] You know I must have some reputation. There isn't anything anyone can say on this stage that won't evoke some kind of a dirty laugh from the audience...
[trying to keep from laughing]
Groucho: What do you mean, 'the old fashioned-way'?
[loses all seriousness, doubles over laughing]