Half-Wits Holiday (1947)
Moe: But we're organized.
[holds up a card with the letters AAM on it]
Moe: The Amalgamated Association of Morons. Local six and seven eighths.
Mrs. Smythe-Smythe: [Moe hides a pie he was holding by sticking it to the ceiling] My dear man. Do tell me about yourself.
Moe: Well you see... well that is...
[looks up to see the pie unsticking]
Moe: would you pardon me.
Mrs. Smythe-Smythe: If you don't tell me about this metamorphosis. I will always feel that I've missed something.
Moe: Lady, if you don't go right now, you're not going to miss anything.
[starts to walk away, Mrs. Smythe-Smythe stops him]
Mrs. Smythe-Smythe: What's wrong? You act as though the Sword of Demacles is hanging over your head.
Moe: Lady, you must be psychic.
Mrs. Smythe-Smythe: I wonder what's wrong with that man?
[looks up and the pie unsticks and falls on her face]
Prof. Quackenbush: How would you boys like to make $1,000?
Moe: Who do you have to murder?
Prof. Quackenbush: Oh, nothing like that. All you have to do is let me make gentlemen of you.
[the Stooges all flinch in horror]
Larry: No, no! Not that!
Curly: Our father would never forgive us.
Larry: There ain't been a gentleman in our family for fifty generations.
Moe: Quit bragging.
Prof. Sedletz: You with the mattress head, now, if I gave you a dollar and your father gave you a dollar, how many dollars would you have?
Larry: One dollar.
Prof. Sedletz: You don't know your arithmetic.
Larry: You don't know my father!
Curly: There's a hair in my soup.
Moe: You're crazy. That's a crack in your plate.
Curly: I never saw a crack go that way.
[he makes a curving motion with his hand]
Moe: Well, that's neither hair nor there.
Curly: [to Professor Quackenbush as they rehearse eating an invisible dinner] "Pardon me, what are we eating now?"