Song of the South (1946)
Uncle Remus: You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far.
Uncle Remus: There's other ways o' learnin' 'bout the behind feet of a mule than gettin' kicked by 'em, sure as I'm named Remus. And just 'cause these here tales is 'bout critters like Br'er Rabbit an' Br'er Fox, that don't mean they ain't the same like can happen to folks! So them who can't learn from a tale about critters, just ain't got the ears tuned for listenin'.
[Br'er Fox is preparing a new trap to catch Brer Rabbit, a Tar Baby]
Br'er Fox: That big-ol' rabbit won't get away this time. No, sir, we'll catch him sure. I'll catch him sure.
Br'er Bear: But, uh, that's what you said the last time before and the time before that and... look, let's just knock his head clean off.
Br'er Fox: Oh, no, indeed, ain't nothin' smart about that. I'm gonna show him who the smartest is, and the Tar Baby'll do the rest. It sure will fool him! Yes, sir!
Br'er Bear: No, it ain't gonna fool nobody. It hain't got no eyes.
Br'er Fox: Eyes? Oh, yes, indeed, eyes! I'm glad I thought of that.
[He looks at Br'er Bear's buttons on his coat]
Br'er Fox: Lemme see now... hmm-hmm-hmm. Lemme see about this.
[He yanks the coat buttons off the bear's coat, ripping them off]
Br'er Fox: Just about this size.
[He places the buttons on the Tar Baby's head for eyes]
Br'er Fox: Now, lemme see. Oh, yes, a nose, too. Gotta have a nose, one of those very badly. Gotta have a nose. This is sure gonna do the trick.
[Br'er Bear covers his nose, but the fox instead snatches the bowl of the bear's pipe, rips it out, and jams the pipe stem back into the bear's mouth. At the same time, he places the bowl on the Tar Baby's face as its nose]
Br'er Fox: It's lookin' more natural all the time.
Br'er Bear: But it hain't... it hain't got no hair.
Br'er Fox: Uh, hair?
[He looks at Br'er Bear's hair; the bear shoves his down over his head and swivels his head away from the fox, who rips some hair off his buttocks. The bear yells while the fox places some hanks of the bear's hair on the Tar Baby's head]
Br'er Fox: There!
[Br'er Bear looks at his bare and throbbing rear]
Br'er Fox: All right, now c'mon and help me along, now. Help me along. C'mon.
[He lifts up his end of the log on which the Tar Baby is seated and hands the other half to Br'er Bear, who takes it and they head out of the cave]
Br'er Fox: Us ain't got all day, c'mon...
Uncle Remus: It happum on one ah dem Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Days. Now dat's the kinda day where you can't opem yo mouf widout a song jumpin right out of it!
Uncle Remus: Miss Sally, Johnny didn't mean no harm. He was just tryin' to be like Brer Rabbit.
[while singing "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah", Uncle Remus is interrupted by the sound of a hammer pounding nails. He goes to investigate; he sees Brer Rabbit nailing boards to the door to his Briar Patch home]
Brer Rabbit: Doggone ol' Briar Patch! Doggone place like this. Doggone...
Uncle Remus: Hmm. Uh, howdy, Brer Rabbit.
Brer Rabbit: [stops hammering; stammering] Who's that callin' my name?
[He sees Remus]
Brer Rabbit: Oh, uh, uh, hello, Uncle Remus.
Uncle Remus: Appears to me that you's in a powerful bad mood to go to the party.
Brer Rabbit: [trying to board up his door] But I ain't goin' to no party, 'cause I ain't gonna be here. I'm gonna leave this ol' place.
Uncle Remus: You mean you's leavin' your old Briar Patch?
Brer Rabbit: [nailing board] That I is.
Uncle Remus: The place where you was born and raised?
Brer Rabbit: [nailing another board] That I is.
Uncle Remus: You mean you's leavin' for good?
Brer Rabbit: [nailing a third board] That I...
[He accidentally hits his thumb with his hammer and drops it]
Brer Rabbit: Ow! Now see there? That ol' Briar Patch ain't brought me nothin' but trouble...
[He kicks the hammer, only to hurt his foot]
Brer Rabbit: Ow! And more trouble. This is where my trouble is and this is the place I belongs away from.
Uncle Remus: Don't you know you can't run away from trouble?
Brer Rabbit: [chuckling; picks up knapsack] Where I'm goin', there ain't gonna be no trouble.
Uncle Remus: There ain't no place that far.
Brer Rabbit: Well... just the same I done made up my mind. And I never comin' back again.
[sadly; holds out hand]
Brer Rabbit: Well, so long, Uncle Remus.
Uncle Remus: [shaking Brer Rabbit's hand] I sure hope you knows what you's doin'.
Brer Rabbit: [chuckling] Don't worry 'bout me. I can take care of myself.
[Brer Rabbit hops away, whistling "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah"]
Uncle Remus: [singing] The weather's good; the fishin's fine / Now what do you do with all your time?
Brer Rabbit: [singing] Oh, I zigs and I zags; I tos and I fros / That's what you ask me, and that's what you know.
Uncle Remus: [singing] Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay / My, oh, my what a wonderful day / Plenty of sunshine heading my way / Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay / Mr. Bluebird's on my shoulder / It's the truth, it's actual / Everything is satisfactual / Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay / Wonderful feeling, wonderful day.
[Brer Rabbit has been trying repeatedly to get the Tar Baby to greet him back, but it doesn't. So Brer Rabbit threatens it]
Brer Rabbit: Look! If you don't say "howdy" time I counts three, I'm might bust you wide open!
Uncle Remus: [narrating] But the Tar Baby, he don't say nothin'.
[Brer Fox and Brer Bear watch from the brush on the other side of the road]
Uncle Remus: [narrating] And Brer Fox, he lay low.
[Back to Brer Rabbit]
Uncle Remus: So, Brer Rabbit, he start countin'.
Brer Rabbit: One!
Uncle Remus: [narrating] But the Tar Baby, he don't say nothin'.
[Brer Fox watches eagerly]
Uncle Remus: [narrating] And Brer Fox, he lay low with a chuckle in his stomach.
Brer Rabbit: Two.
Uncle Remus: [narrating] But still the Tar Baby don't say nothin'.
[Brer Fox watches eagerly]
Uncle Remus: Brer Fox, he lay low with the fidgets.
[Brer Fox watches ever more eagerly]
Brer Rabbit: Two and a half.
[Brer Fox slaps himself]
Brer Rabbit: Three!
[Brer Rabbit punches the Tar Baby, only to get his fist caught in it]
[Brer Rabbit has gotten himself entangled in the messy tar that was the Tar Baby, and Brer Fox and Brer Bear dance around him victoriously]
Uncle Remus: [narrating] Well, sir, you ain't never seen nobody that had humble-come-tumbledness down as fine as what Brer Rabbit had it then. Poor little critter, he learned a powerful lesson. But he learned it too late. But it just goes to show what comes of mixin' up with somethin' you got no business with in the first place. And don't you never forget it.
Johnny: I wish I had a Laughing Place.
Ginny: Me, too.
Uncle Remus: What makes you think you ain't? Course you got a Laughing Place.
Johnny: Really, Uncle Remus?
Uncle Remus: Everybody's got one. The trouble is, most folks won't take time to go look for it.
Uncle Remus: Well, now, that I can't exactly say. 'Cause where 'tis for one mightn't be where 'tis for another.
Johnny: Come on, Ginny. Let's start looking.
[Br'er Rabbit had tricked Br'er Fox and Br'er Bear into taking him to his Laughing Place, which is actually a tree full of bees]
Br'er Bear: You said this was a Laughing Place. And I ain't laughing.
Brer Rabbit: I didn't say it was your Laughing Place, I said it was *my* Laughing Place, Br'er Bear.
[the Favers brothers confront Johnny and Toby]
Jake Favers: Just 'cause ol' Remus take your side don't mean we ain't gonna get Teenchy. You wait and see.
Joe Favers: We're gonna tell on you.
Jake Favers: Yeah, gonna tell Tempy, or maybe your grandma. Or maybe even your ma.
Johnny: [remembering the Tar Baby story] Go ahead, I don't care. You can tell Aunt Tempy and you can tell Grandma. You can even tell my mama. But whatever you do, don't tell *your* ma.
Jake Favers: [suspiciously] Why not?
Johnny: Just don't you tell her, that's all. If you do, it'll be awful.
[Grinning, the Favers boys leave]
Toby: [to Johnny] Ain't that what Brer Rabbit did to Brer Fox?
Johnny: [whispering] Sh! Being little and without much strength, we're supposed to use our heads instead of our foots.
Uncle Remus: [telling about Brer Rabbit being in a tight spot] Brer Rabbit, bein' little and without much strength, he's supposed to use his head 'stead of his foots.
Johnny: Where's Brer Rabbit's Briar Patch?
Uncle Remus: Where? Well, now, lemme see. That I can't exactly say, 'cause I ain't been keepin' close track as I used to.
Uncle Remus: Once upon a time - not your time, nor yet my time, but one time - I was goin' fishin', and I was just thinking how the flowers and critters was curious things. They can look into your heart and tell when it sings, if it's whistling a tune, or singing a song, and they all say "Howdy" when you come along.
Toby: Tell us another one, Uncle Remus.
Johnny: The one you told Daddy about Brer Frog havin' a tail.
Uncle Remus: And losin' it?
Johnny: That's it.
Uncle Remus: Well, then, how can there be a tale...
Uncle Remus: [chuckles] I could tell ya, but that's another tale for another day.
Brer Rabbit: [to the Tar Baby] What's the matter with you? I said, "Howdy!" Is you hard of hearing?
Brer Rabbit: I said, "HOWDY!"
[Uncle Remus, having been banned by Sally from ever seeing Johnny again, decides to pack up and leave for Atlanta]
Uncle Remus: Oh, I knows. I knows. I'm just a worn-out ol' man what don't do nothin' but tell stories. But they ain't never done no harm to nobody. And if they don't do no good, how come they last so long? This here's the only home I knows. I was going to whitewash the walls, too, but not now. Time done run out.
[Johnny and his parents and Aunt Tempy are going to Johnny's grandmother's plantation for a visit]
Johnny: [referring to his grandmother] Why don't she come to see us, like she did last spring?
Sally: Well, because it... I thought you'd enjoy seeing the plantation.
Johnny: Is Grandma mad at us?
Sally: But of course not, Johnny. Whatever gave you that idea?
Johnny: Well, Georgie says everybody's mad at what Daddy writes in the newspaper.
Uncle Remus: [about Johnny] Miss Doshy, what us gonna do 'bout that child?
Grandmother: I wish I knew. A grandmother doesn't account for much these days.
Uncle Remus: Yes, 'm, it's a pity, too.
Johnny: [on his sick bed from being struck by the bull] Uncle Remus... Come back, Uncle Remus... Come back...
Toby: [holding up one finger] Sho is lucky I was wid you.
Johnny: What's that for?
Toby: Test whether de wind blowin' good or bad. An' if it's blowin' towards de bull, dat ain't good, 'cause den he smell you comin' an' catch you on his horns sho.
[Johnny holds up one finger like Toby]
Toby: De best way is to don't cut cross there at all.
Br'er Fox: [he has caught Brer Rabbit and tied him to a barbecue spit] You played your last trick on me, Brer Rabbit. Yes, you sure have, yes, sir. You played your last trick on me. Here, hold that knot.
[Brer Fox places his finger on a bow knot he is tying on the rope on the rabbit]
Br'er Fox: You sure look mighty good in that bow-tie, Brer Rabbit. Yes, sir, you look mighty good in that bow-tie. Don't he look good in that bow-tie, Brer Bear?
Br'er Bear: Duh, yeah...
Br'er Fox: I ain't never seen nobody look good in that bow-tie before. He's all dressed up for dinner.
Br'er Bear: Yeah, for dinner.
Br'er Fox: Yes, sir, he's really dressed up for dinner.
[he chuckles, then takes on a menacing tone to try and scare Brer Rabbit]
Br'er Fox: For *my* dinner, 'cause I'm gonna barbecue you this very minute... on that fire!
Uncle Remus: Yes sir, that's the way with Br'er Rabbit, sure as I'm named Remus. About the time he get it stuck in his mind that there ain't nobody can outdo him, up somebody'd jump an' do him scan'lous. "What you laughin' 'bout?" says Br'er Fox, says he. An' Br'er Rabbit, he couldn't say nothin'. "Well, then," says Br'er Fox, says he, "I'll settle your hash right now!" And with that, he grab Br'er Rabbit by the tail and made for to dash 'im agin' the ground. But just then, Br'er Rabbit's tail snap off real short, an' he tuck through the cotton patch like the dogs was after 'im. An' from that day to this, the only tail that Br'er Rabbit's got to his name was a little ol' ball o' cotton.
Uncle Remus: Appears to me like you's figurin' on goin' someplace.
Johnny: I am, and nobody's gonna stop me.
Uncle Remus: Well, now, if that don't bang my time. You know, I was just figurin' on somethin' like that myself. How'd you like ol' Uncle Remus to go along with you?
[They start to go off together]
Uncle Remus: Now, let's see now. Where is we figurin' on goin'? How can we be goin' someplace if we don't know where we's goin'?
Johnny: I'm going to Atlanta.
Uncle Remus: Hmm, powerful long walk to Atlanta. Is you brung some grub?
Uncle Remus: Well, now... if we ain't got no grub, we sure can't get very far.
Uncle Remus: Now, this here tale didn't happen just yesterday, nor the day before. 'Twas a long time ago. And in them days, everything was mighty satisfactual. The critters, they was closer to the folks, and the folks, they was closer to the critters, and if you'll excuse me for saying so, 'twas better all around.
Br'er Bear: [tricked into going into Brer Rabbit's Laughing Place] Hey, there ain't nothin' in here, 'cept bees!
Sally: Uncle Remus, I'm trying my best to bring up Johnny to be obedient and truthful. But you and your stories are making that very difficult. I think maybe it would be better if he didn't hear any more for a while.
Uncle Remus: Well, Miss Sally, the stories ain't done no...
Sally: They only confuse him. Now, I know you mean well, Uncle Remus, but Johnny's too young.
Uncle Remus: Miss Sally...
Sally: I'll have to ask you not to tell him any more.
Uncle Remus: Yes, 'm...