Abercrombie: I gotta break the date.
Ruthie: What date?
Abercrombie: Don't you remember? June 22nd?
Ruthie: June 22nd? I don't remwember anything about a date.
Abercrombie: Oh, yes. Don't you remember? I said I was gonna take you to the Palladium a long time ago, and you said, 'See me next year.' Well, tonight the year is up.
Abercrombie: [starting to shave Rags] Now, I got the razor and the smelling salts.
Rags Ragland: The what?
Abercrombie: The smellin' salts.
Rags Ragland: What's that for?
Abercrombie: I faint when I see the sight of blood.
Rags Ragland: Oh...
Rags Ragland: [after a delayed reaction] Blood! Look, if you cut me, there's gonna be plenty of blood, and it's all gonna be yours!
Mr. Burvis, Ruthie's Boss: [reacting to a verbal spat between two of his manicurists] My shop is for hair cutting, not hair pulling!
Gregory LeMaise: [In disguise with a beard] Did you ever hear the one about the guy who was so brave he stuck his right arm into a lion's mouth, right up to there.
[he motions to his shoulder]
Abercrombie: [also in disguise] He stuck his right arm in a lion's mouth up to there?
[also motioning to his shoulder]
Gregory LeMaise: Yrah!
Abercrombie: His right arm?
Gregory LeMaise: Yeah!
Abercrombie: What's his name?
Gregory LeMaise: Lefty!
[he breaks into raucous laughter]
Abercrombie: [he spills his drink into Ambercrombie's turban which is on his lap] You get it?
Abercrombie: [both are laughing] I didn't get it that time.
Gregory LeMaise: You didn't?
Abercrombie: No, no.
Gregory LeMaise: Lefty!
[he laughs even louder as Ambercrombie absentmindedly puts his turban on, drenching himself with the drink]
Gregory LeMaise: [Ambercrombie stops laughing] You know, you're a great fellow. You made me forget my troubles.
Abercrombie: You've drowned mine!
Gregory LeMaise: [laughs] You've got troubles too?
Abercrombie: Yes, sir.
Gregory LeMaise: [laughing] No, but I've got real troubles. I killed a man!
Abercrombie: [reacting to the camera] A man killed me. That's why I'm wearing this fake beard.
Abercrombie: A face like mine is hard to forget.
Buzz Kurtis: How do you know?
Abercrombie: I've been tryin' for years!
Buzz Kurtis: You can't sleep?
Buzz Kurtis: I've got just the thing for you. Don't go away.
[He leaves the room]
Buzz Kurtis: [returning with a phonograph record] Well, pal, here it is.
Abercrombie: What do you got there?
Buzz Kurtis: [reading the label] 'Go To Sleep with Dr. Caswell Snide.'
Abercrombie: Oh, no! I wanna sleep alone!