Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

William Demarest: Sgt. Heffelfinger

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : Lies! Those ain't lies! Those are campaign promises! They expect 'em!

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : It's an honor to meet you, kid. What's your name?

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith. Go ahead and laugh.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : That ain't anything to laugh at to anyone who knows anything.

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : We're just a little bit short of cash, see...

  Cafe Owner : Uh, uh.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : ...or I'd never make you this proposition.

  Cafe Owner : Ho, ho.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : I was going to save it for the museum, see, but when you're out on a limb you gotta make sacrifices, that's all. You follow me?

  Cafe Owner : I'm ahead of you.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : I'm gonna let you in on the ground floor of something very, very rare. You remember when General Yamatoho committed hari-kari?

  Cafe Owner : Possibly.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : I happened to be very close by, see.

  [winks, indicates he pulled out one of Yamatoho's teeth and shows the very large elk's tooth he got from one of the other Marines] 

  Cafe Owner : Big man, wasn't he?

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : Immense! This is one of the rarest mementos...

  Cafe Owner : [as he pulls a large Japanese flag out of his coat]  You wouldn't like to buy the flag they buried him in, would you? I could let you have it very reasonable.

  [pulls out another flag] 

  Cafe Owner : I have it in several sizes.

  [begins to pull other items out of his coat pockets] 

  Cafe Owner : MacArthur's suspenders! The first bullet that landed in Pearl Harbor... you can take your pick. A piece of a Japanese submarine.

  [turns the piece of metal over] 

  Cafe Owner : If you look at it this way it becomes a German submarine.

  [turns the piece again] 

  Cafe Owner : And this way it's a piece of a shell that just missed Montgomery! Here we have the seat of Rommel's pants. And last, but not least, we have a button from Hitler's coat... although that one I don't personally believe.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : Wise guy.

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : I guess you never got to know your father very well, eh?

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Well, not exactly... as he fell the day I was born.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : That's right. It's hard to realize. He was a fine looking fellow. He didn't look anything like you at all.

• Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : [after hearing that the town wants to build a statue of him]  What do I do now?

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : Well, you just let it blow over.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Did you ever see a statue blow over?

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : I tell you it'll all blow over. Everything is perfect - except for a couple of details.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : They hang people for a couple of details!

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : [after Woodrow reveals his discharge and leaves the auditorium]  I just wanna tell you one thing, see. I've seen a lot of brave men in my life - that's my business. But what that kid just done took real courage.

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : [to Woodrow]  Give me six of them tickets, will ya? We still got a little work to do in our own line. So long, kid.

  Mrs. Truesmith : [hugs Bugsy]  Goodbye, dear.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Will you come back?

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : Well, we always come back before. So long, everybody... see youse in church!

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : Look, I didn't get you in this.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Oh, yes you did. I was gonna hide in the...

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : A Marine never hides. That's what Semper Fidelis means: it means "face the music".

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Well, it does not. It happens to mean "always faithful".

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : That's right. Faithful to your mother.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : It doesn't mean faithful to your mother at all. it means faithful to the Marines.

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : These flapjacks might taste better with a little butter on 'em Mrs. T.

  Mrs. Truesmith : Maybe you haven't heard Sgt. but there's a war on.

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : They say opportunity's only got one hair on his head and you gotta grab it while it's going by and dog it down or you mightn't get another chance.

• Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Anyway, I was kind of born to be a Marine. My father was killed in Belleau Wood the day I was born.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : Belleau Wood?

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Almost the same hour. All I ever thought about was being a Marine. I took exercises. I never drank or smoked. I studied all about them. I can tell you every battle the Marines were in from 1775 down to now. New Providence, Fort Nassau, the second Battle of Trenton, the Bonhomme Richard and the Serapis... "I have not yet begun to fight. " Tripoli in 1805, Nuku Hiva in 1812, the Battle of Hatchee-Lustee River in 1837, Veracruz in '46, Chapultepec, the halls of Montezuma, Panama in '85, Guantnamo Bay in '98, then the Philippines, the Boxer Rebellion in China, Nicaragua, Coyotepe Hill, Fort Riviere and Haiti. Then Chteau-Thierry, Belleau Wood, the charge at Soissons, Saint-Mihiel, and now Wake Island, Guam, Bataan, Corregidor, Guadalcanal. They bled and died. They gave me a big send-off when I left home. Band was playing, everybody hollering, the dogs barking, my mother crying. Everybody wondering if I'd come home a general or just a sergeant like my father. Well, it's one thing to come home with things like that on your chest, and another thing to go home with hay fever and a medical discharge.

• Woodrow Truesmith : Would you quit telling lies and getting me in deeper and deeper so there'll never be a way out?

  Sgt. Heffelfinger : Let 'em enjoy it. They're eating it up.

  Bugsy : Can I tell 'em about me and Smitty at Tulagi?

  Sgt. Heffelfinger : Sure, only you gotta be Smitty, and he's gotta be you, and you both gotta come out alive!

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : This is Bugsy Walewski.

  Bugsy : Can I borrow 50 cents?

  Sgt. Heppelfinger , Cpl. Candida : [indignant]  Listen here, the guy's bought you a...

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Go ahead.

  Bugsy : You ought to be ashamed of yourself! He ought to be ashamed of himself. Treating his mother that way.

  [walks away steaming] 

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : He never had any mother. He's from a home.

  Cpl. Candida : He's a little screwy too.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : He's alright, he just got a little shot up, nothing serious.

• Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : [confessing his early discharge from the Marines]  It was hay fever. Chronic hay fever.

  Pfc. Juke Gillette : Gee, that's the worst kind too.

  Pfc. Bill Swenson : Well, better luck next time!

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : Did you try any other branches of the service, like the Army or the Navy? They'll take anything.

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : I just want to tell you one thing, see? I seen a lot of brave men in my life, that's my business, but what that kid just done took real courage! You get me? And now that he's shot his mouth off, you might as well hear the rest of it, in fact you better hear it! There's six of us, see, and we got 15 cents between us, and we're from Guadalcanal and no foolin', what I mean!