Sugarpuss O'Shea: For instance, do you know what this means - "I'll get you on the Ameche"?
Sugarpuss O'Shea: 'Course you don't. An Ameche is the telephone, on account of he invented it.
Professor Bertram Potts: Oh, no, he didn't.
Sugarpuss O'Shea: Like, you know, in the movies.
Professor Bertram Potts: Well, I see what you mean. Very interesting. Make no mistake, I shall regret the absence of your keen mind; unfortunately, it is inseparable from an extremely disturbing body.
Joe Lilac: [as the professors draw guns on Joe and his men] What is this?
Prof. Oddly: I believe... I think it is known as an "up-stick".
[Professor Magenbrush says Sugarpuss has a slight rosiness at the back of her throat]
Sugarpuss O'Shea: SLIGHT rosiness? It's as red as The Daily Worker and just as sore!
Sugarpuss O'Shea: [about Potts] Yes, I love him. I love those hick shirts he wears with the boiled cuffs and the way he always has his vest buttoned wrong. Looks like a giraffe, and I love him. I love him because he's the kind of a guy that gets drunk on a glass of buttermilk, and I love the way he blushes right up over his ears. Love him because he doesn't know how to kiss, the jerk!
Professor Bertram Potts: Sugarpuss, uh, before you go, would you... would you, eh, yum me just once more?
Sugarpuss O'Shea: [Upon arriving late to Professor Potts's round-table discussion on slang, already in progress] Don't tell me the jive session has beat off without baby!
Duke Pastrami: [Giving Sugarpuss O'Shea a message from Joe Lilac] He sends ya' a love message. He says to tell ya' he gets more bang outta' you than any dame he ever knew.
Professor Bertram Potts: We're working under pressure. After nine years of effort, we are, as the race track enthusiast might say, in the home stretch. Three more years and our encyclopedia will be finished. Let's not bog down in the middle of the letter S.
Miss Totten: Father had just one reason for ever starting this unfortunate enterprise: vanity. He broke a blood vessel because he found his name was omitted from the Encyclopedia of Britannica, because thirty pages were devoted to Thomas Alva Edison, seventeen to Alexander Graham Bell, but not one line to Daniel S. Totten, the inventor of the electric toaster.
Professor Bertram Potts: I've just finished my article on slang. Twenty-three pages compiled from a dozen reference books, eight hundred examples.
Prof. Robinson: Well?
Professor Bertram Potts: Everything from the idiotic combination of "absotively" to the pajorative use of "zigzag." I traced the evolution of "hunky-dory," tracked down "skidoo" from "skedaddle." Eight-hundred examples and I may as well throw it in the wastebasket. Three weeks work...
Prof. Robinson: You're hysterical.
Professor Bertram Potts: Outmoded... based on reference books twenty years old. Take "smooch," take "dish," take, uh...
Prof. Oddly: "Hoi toi toi?"
Professor Bertram Potts: "Hoi toi toi." Not one of them included.
Professor Bertram Potts: That man talked a living language; I embalmed some dead phrases.
Sugarpuss O'Shea: [mistaking Bertram for a police dick come to take her downtown] Hey, how many of you are on this job?
Professor Bertram Potts: Uh, the entire project? Eight.
Sugarpuss O'Shea: Oh. The other seven waiting outside?
Professor Bertram Potts: Oh, no. They're at home sound asleep, I imagine.
Sugarpuss O'Shea: Asleep?
Professor Bertram Potts: Yes, they go to bed at nine every night.
Sugarpuss O'Shea: You mean to tell me with crime what it is in New Yor... Say, are you a bull or aren't you?
Professor Bertram Potts: Well, if "bull" is a slang word for professor, then I'm a bull.
Sugarpuss O'Shea: A professor?
Professor Bertram Potts: Of English.
Sugarpuss O'Shea: [jibing Betram for nervousness over his loosened tie] Oh, you know, one time I watched my bid brother shave.
Sugarpuss O'Shea: Hey, who decorated this place, the mug who shot Lincoln?
Sugarpuss O'Shea: [examining the professors' books] Oh, "Greek philosophy!" I got a set like this with a radio inside.
Sugarpuss O'Shea: You, uh, you don't think we could sort of begin the beguine right now?
Professor Bertram Potts: Well, it's, uh, nearly one o'clock, Miss O'Shea.
Sugarpuss O'Shea: Oh, foo, professor. And let's get ourselves a couple drinks, light the fire maybe, and you can start working on me right away.
Professor Bertram Potts: Well, I wouldn't think of imposing on you at this hour.
Sugarpuss O'Shea: Listen, I figured on working all night.
Joe Lilac: Having some trouble, Mr. D.A.?
District Attorney: Oh, don't worry, Joe. And don't underestimate this office or the State of New York. I've got some boys that can find a needle in a haystack.
Joe Lilac: Oh, that's a cinch. All you have to do is get a horse to eat the hey and then x-ray the horse.
Sugarpuss O'Shea: [needing help with a stubborn zippr] You know, I had this happen one night in the middle of my act. I couldn't get a thing off. Was I embarrassed!
Miss Bragg: That is the kind of woman that makes whole civilizations topple!
Sugarpuss O'Shea: Huh! A little sun on my hair and you had to water your neck.
Professor Bertram Potts: What're you gonna do?
Sugarpuss O'Shea: I'm going to show you what yum-yum is. Here's yum.
Sugarpuss O'Shea: Here's the other yum.
[kisses him again]
Sugarpuss O'Shea: And here's yum-yum.
[gives a long kiss that knocks him backwards onto a chair]
Miss Bragg: If I were the cream for that woman's coffee, I'd curdle.
Joe Lilac: You know, I was kinda counting on Sugarpuss to tell ya the score. Trouble is, she's all right givin' out with the twists and the wisecracks, but when it comes to leveling off she gets chicken.
Professor Bertram Potts: Before we attempt to get back to work, I'd like to say a few words. You've been very kind and very tactful. If I may say so, over-tactful. The entire ride home in the car you avoided a certain subject to make empty conversation. Now let's have it out. I made an ass of myself and I know it.
Prof. Jerome: Oh, well, we all have, Potts.
Professor Bertram Potts: Yes, but I was the lead donkey.
Prof. Gurkakoff: [discovering Sugarpuss gave back the wrong ring] The subconscious never makes a mistake. She gave you the ring she didn't want - his ring - and she kept the one she wanted - yours.
Professor Bertram Potts: She wouldn't say yes? What... Why, you very ugly young man, you know, to me, at this moment you look perfectly delightful.