A Chump at Oxford (1940)
Stan: This joint is really screwy! There's a gent over there who just said he wants his salad served undressed!
Ollie: Well, you heard what he said - serve the salad undressed!
Student: Pardon me sir, but haven't you come to the wrong college?
Ollie: This is Oxford isn't it?
Student: Yes but, you're dressed for Eton
Stan: Just as well, we haven't eaten since breakfast
Stan: Ollie, where ya goin'?
Ollie: Back to America for me!
Stan: [starts to cry] You're going without me...
Ollie: Stan! You know me!
Stan: Well, of course I know you... What do you have, one of those dizzy spells?
Stan: Hey, Ollie look...
[spans the distance from England to America on a globe with his thumb and forefinger - about two inches]
Stan: We're only this far from home.
Ollie: Einstein?... if it wasn't for that bump on the head he wouldn't know Einstein from a beer stein...
Stan: [as Lord Paddington, looking at Oliver Hardy] Meredith, who is this coarse person?
Ollie: [refering to the Dean] Have you ever seen a face like that anyhwere but in a zoo?
Stan: Sure... in a monkey house.
Ollie: A monkey house!
Ollie: I never thought of that!
Student: Dirty snitchers.
Stan: [as Lord Paddington] Repeat that remark again.
Student: [with entire student group] Dirty snitchers!
Stan: [as Lord Paddington,sternly] Have a care...
Ollie: [in the maze] Where are you?
Stan: I'm over here... where are you?
Ollie: I'm here.
Stan: How can you be here if I'm here?
Meredith: [speaking of Lord Paddington] And when he got angry, he would wiggle his ears in the most extraordinary fashion, and he would fight like a demon.
Ollie: Fight like demon...
Ollie: Wiggle your ears.
Ollie: [sternly] Wiggle your ears!
Stan: [Stan tries to wiggle his ears] I can't wiggle my ears.
Ollie: Of course not; it's another rib.
Student: We're going to run you out of Oxford; and if you don't go, we'll take of your britches and throw you out!
Stan: [as Lord Paddington] What? Take off my britches? In the presence of Meredith?
Dean Williams: Professor Einstein of Princeton is having trouble with his theory; could you possible give him just a little time...
Stan: [as Lord Paddington] Of course... Fatty, hand me my memorandum
[Ollie gives it to him... he leafs through it]
Stan: Let's see... Monday, Tuesday... suppose we make it Ash Wednesday... invite him for lunch, I'm having pancakes.
Student: [with entire student body, marching] Fe, fi,fo,fum. We want the blood of an American. Be he alive, or be he dead, we'll break his bones to make our bread. We'll beat those Yankees like a drum. We'll send them back where they came from
[pointing at their window]
Student: Fe, fi, fo, fum.