The Women (1939)
Crystal Allen: There's a name for you ladies, but it isn't used in high society... outside of a kennel. So long, ladies!
Mary Haines: I've had two years to grow claws mother. Jungle red.
Countess DeLave: Get me a bromide - and put some gin in it.
Mrs. Moorehead: Well, cheer up, Mary; living alone has its compensations. Heaven knows it's marvelous being able to spread out in bed like a swastika.
Maggie: You know, the first man that can think up a good explanation how he can be in love with his wife and another woman is gonna win that prize they're always giving out in Sweden.
Miriam Aarons: You're passing up a swell chance, honey. Where I spit no grass grows ever.
Exercise instructress: Arms flat. Crawl slowly up the wall...
Sylvia Fowler: The way you say that makes me feel like vermin.
Exercise instructress: That shouldn't be much effort. I mean, crawling up the wall.
Nancy Blake: You just can't bear Mary's happiness, can you, Sylvia? It gets you down.
Sylvia Fowler: How ridiculous! Why should it?
Nancy Blake: Because she's contented. Contented to be what she is.
Sylvia Fowler: Which is what?
Nancy Blake: A woman.
Sylvia Fowler: Ah! And what are we?
Nancy Blake: Females.
Sylvia Fowler: Really. And what are you, pet?
Nancy Blake: What nature abhors: I'm an old maid, a frozen asset.
Sylvia Fowler: Well, heaven be praised, I'm on to my husband, I wouldn't trust him on Alcatraz, the mouse.
Peggy Day: Sylvia, you oughtn't talk about him like that! Why, I think it's disloyal!
Sylvia Fowler: Oh now, listen Peggy, do we know how the men talk about us when we're not around?
Nancy Blake: I've heard rumours.
Sylvia Fowler: Exactly... And uh... While we're on the subject, have either of you wondered whether the master of this maison might not be straying?
Nancy Blake: I haven't.
Sylvia Fowler: Well, for all you know Mary Haines may be living in a fool's paradise.
Nancy Blake: You're so resourceful darling. I ought to go to you for plots.
Sylvia Fowler: You ought to go to *someone*.
Sylvia Fowler: Mrs. Haines never listens to any of her friends...
Exercise instructress: [under her breath] How does she avoid it?
Crystal Allen: It will be out tomorrow, Mrs. Prowler.
Sylvia Fowler: [Turns around and gives her the evils] FOWLER!
Crystal Allen: [Smiling sarcastically] Oh I'm so sorry...
Crystal Allen: Mrs. Fowler.
Edith Potter: [Wiping her hands on towel] Oh, cheap Chinese embroidery! You know, I'll bet Peggy gave her these...
Sylvia Fowler: It wouldn't be so bad if only Mary's friends knew; we could keep our mouths shut.
Edith Potter: I know plenty I'd never breathe about my friend's husbands.
Sylvia Fowler: Oh, so do I!
[They both turn around and look at each other]
Edith Potter: Well, you know, I adore Mary!
Sylvia Fowler: I worship her! We're not only cousins; she's my dearest friend in the world. After all, we were raised together!
[Turns around quickly]
Sylvia Fowler: Oh Edith, I forgot to tell you...
[Whispers to Edith]
Mary Haines: Break it up, girls! Break it up!
Edith Potter: Darling!
Mary Haines: Hello!
Edith Potter: You're so slim, I could kill you.
Mary Haines: You don't have to. The diet I'm on is pure poison.
Sylvia Fowler: [Holding up a bottle of Summer Rain perfume] A friend of ours, Mrs. Stephen Haines, simply dotes on this.
Crystal Allen: Really!
Sylvia Fowler: Her husband picked it out for her. Perhaps you sold it to him. Stephen Haines, the engineer?
Crystal Allen: Oh, I'm afraid I don't remember. You see, we have so many men come in here.
Sylvia Fowler: Awfully good-looking. Tall, fair, distinguished. I'm sure you wouldn't overlook him.
Crystal Allen: I'm sorry, but when one's mind is on one's own business...
Sylvia Fowler: Of course. And, as you say, you have so many men.
Mary Haines: May I suggest, if you're dressing to please Stephen, not that one. He doesn't like such obvious effects.
Crystal Allen: Thanks for the tip. But when anything I wear doesn't please Stephen, I take it off.
Crystal Allen: I'm having him dine at my place. It's about time he found out I was a home girl.
Pat: A home girl? Get her! Why don't you borrow the quintuplets for the evening?
Crystal Allen: Because I'm all the baby he wants, pet.
Exercise instructress: Mrs. Fowler you've hardly moved a muscle.
Sylvia Fowler: Whose carcass is this, yours or mine?
Exercise instructress: It's yours, but I'm paid to exercise it.
Sylvia Fowler: You sound like a horse trainer.
Exercise instructress: No, Mrs. Fowler, but you're getting warm.
Miriam Aarons: [to Sylvia, about Sylvia's husband] I made him pay for what he wanted... you made him pay for what he didn't want.
Sylvia Fowler: [to Miriam] Why you...!
Sylvia Fowler: [At the place Crystal Allen works] Well, here we are... Creeping up on her!
Edith Potter: Darling do you think we ought to do this?
Sylvia Fowler: Oh shut up!
Edith Potter: [Spots lady] That's little Crystal!
Sylvia Fowler: None other...
Ugly saleswoman: [Turns around] May I serve you madam?
Edith Potter: [Surprised] No, thank you!
Sylvia Fowler: [Surprised] Just looking!
Sylvia Fowler: Oh from the neck up I'd say no...
[Spots other woman]
Sylvia Fowler: Ah, how about baby?
Edith Potter: Of course!
[Walks over to her]
Edith Potter: Mmmm... Couldn't be anyone else!
[Hears other lady call her "Pat"]
Sylvia Fowler: Pat?
Edith Potter: I still don't know why he overlooked her.
Sylvia Fowler: I do...
[points to Crystal]
Sylvia Fowler: Pipe.
Sylvia Fowler: Oh, you remember the awful things they said about what's-her-name before she jumped out the window? There. You see? I can't even remember her name so who cares?
Mary Haines: [about Slyvia and the model arguing] Oh it's just professional jealousy, they're really very good friends!
Sylvia Fowler: Of course! She adores the Fowler family. Particularly my husband.
Countess Tamara: Are you accusing me of flirting with Howard?
Sylvia Fowler: No, my little pet, but of trying to! I'd like to see Howard bat an eye at another woman!
Countess Tamara: Well I've seen him, and she's not bad either!
Sylvia Fowler: Did you get her innuendo?
Countess DeLave: This sweet thing is getting her first divorce too! She's a very dear friend of mine... What did you say your name was again darling?
Miriam Aarons: Miriam Aarons.
Countess DeLave: [Introducing Mary and Miriam] This is Mrs. Haines. You know, yanked the scalp off that Allen woman in the fitting room?
Miriam Aarons: Oh yeah! Good for you! I was afraid you were a wet firecracker, sister. Shake!
Peggy Day: Oh, I wish I could make a little money writing the way you do!
Nancy Blake: If you wrote the way I do, that's just what you'd make.
Sylvia Fowler: You're not a very popular author, are you, dear?
Nancy Blake: Not with you.
Sylvia Fowler: [Showing her nails to Mary] Mary, how do you like that?
Nancy Blake: Too, too adorable.
Sylvia Fowler: Ah, you have no idea how it stays on... I get it at Sydney's. You should go, Mary. A wonderful new manicurist. Olga's her name; she's marvelous. Isn't that divine? Jungle Red!
Nancy Blake: Looks like you've been tearing at somebody's throat!
Sylvia Fowler: [Smacks her hand on the table] I'll be darned, Nancy, if I'll let you ride me anymore!
Mary Haines: Oh Sylvia, Nancy's only trying to be clever, too.
Sylvia Fowler: Well, she takes a crack at everything about me... Even my nails!
Mary Haines: Well, I like them, I really do. Sydney's, Olga's, Jungle Red... I'll remember.
Sylvia Fowler: You know I go to Sydney's for my hair. Oh, you ought to go, pet. I DESPISE whoever does yours.
Miriam Aarons: A woman's compromised the day she's born.
Edith Potter: What are you going to write next, Nancy? Animal stories?
Nancy Blake: [looking at Sylvia Fowler] I wouldn't have to go to Africa for that.
Miriam Aarons: Any ladle's sweet that dishes out some gravy.
Maggie: [Regarding men] You can't trust none of 'em no further than I can kick this lemon pie.
Little Mary Haines: I saw Mrs. Potter at the zoo that day.
Mrs. Moorehead: Who was she visiting with? The snakes?
Mary Haines: Oh, Mother!
Little Mary Haines: As a matter of fact, she was!
Countess DeLave: I never got a sou out of anybody except my first husband, Mr. Strauss. Oh he said the most touching thing in his will, I remember every word of it... He said "To my beloved wife Flora, I leave all my estate... To be administered by executors because she is an A-1 schlemiel."
Countess DeLave: Isn't that sweet?
Miriam Aarons: [about Buck Winston] Well he could crack a coconut with those knees!... If he could get them together!
Beautician at Sydneys #1: [to "Gillingswater"] You don't look a day over 35!
[walks into room]
Beautician at Sydneys #1: That old gasoline truck, she's 60 if she's a minute.
Beautician at Sydneys #2: Who is she?
Beautician at Sydneys #1: Gillingswater.
Beautician at Sydneys #2: Oh, that old bag! One more permanent and she won't have a hair on her head.
Beautician at Sydneys #1: [taking a puff out of her cigarette] She's got plenty on her arms baby!
Olive: She sure does shed, don't she!
Sylvia Fowler: What are you, pet?
Nancy Blake: What nature abhors. I am an old maid, a frozen asset.
Olga: She's got those eyes that run up and down a man like a searchlight.
Crystal Allen: If you throw a lambchop into a hot oven, what's gonna keep it from gettin' done?
Miriam Aarons: You should have licked that girl where she licked you; in his arms. It's where you win in the first round and if I know men, it's still Custer's Last Stand.
Sylvia Fowler: Is that anyway to talk to me, after all I've done for you?
Crystal Allen: Aw, done what?
Sylvia Fowler: You didn't know a soul when you married Steven. After all, it wasn't easy to put you over.
Crystal Allen: And who said you put me over?
Sylvia Fowler: I've gotten you into some of our very best homes.
Crystal Allen: [in a Ritzy tone] Yes, for some of their very best insults!
Corset model: Our new one-piece lace foundation garment. Zips up the back and no bone.
Exercise instructress: [instructing Mrs. Fowler in her exercises] Up, over. Up, down. Up, stretch! Up, together.
Sylvia Fowler: No more up. This has got me down.
Exercise instructress: Rest a moment and relax your diaphragm muscles.
[under her breath]
Exercise instructress: If you can.
Exercise instructress: Let's begin with posture. A lady always enters a room erect.
Sylvia Fowler: Most of my friends exit horizontally.
Jane: [Opens the door for Edith] How do you do, Mrs. Potter?
Edith Potter: Hello, Jane.
Jane: And how are you feeling today?
Edith Potter: Too awful. I wouldn't wish my woes on my worst friend.
[Looks around the corner]
Edith Potter: Oh Jane, will you tell Mrs. Fowler that I'd like to speak to her out here for just a moment.
Jane: Yes, Mrs. Potter.
Nancy Blake: [Comes around the corner and surprises Edith] How's the little mother?
Edith Potter: [shouts out to Jane] Jane! Never mind about that...
Edith Potter: Hello, dear...
Nancy Blake: The spider's in the parlor. Let's go join her.
Crystal Allen: [In tub] Holy mackerel!
Crystal Allen: What a cheerful evening! Oh, I'm so bored!
[Throws sponge and almost hits maid]
Helen,: [Surprised] Monsieur says that it doesn't improve madame's nerves to stay so long in ze water.
Crystal Allen: What'd he mean by that? A crack?
Helen,: Oh... No he did not say is zat way madame.
Crystal Allen: [Smirks] I thought not... I've been Mrs. Stephen Haines for 18 months now without a single squawk.
Crystal Allen: That's some sort of a record for Park Avenue!
[phone rings - says to maid]
Crystal Allen: Get out.
[Loudly and impatiently]
Crystal Allen: Get OUT! Go on! Go on!
Peggy Day: [On the train] Listen to the wheels, don't they seem to be saying something?
Mary Haines: [Softly] No.
Peggy Day: Don't they seem to be saying... Go back, go back, go back, go back?
Child on train: Mommy, will daddy come to Reno?
Lady on train: No, darling.
Child on train: Mommy, where is daddy?
Lady on train: I don't know and I don't care. In the future you'll please refer to him as "That heel"!
Countess DeLave: But whither... Whither shall I fly?
Miriam Aarons: To the arms our our pet cowboy, darling!
Countess DeLave: [Gasps] Miriam Aarons!
Miriam Aarons: Why, he's plum loco for you, countess! He likes you even better than his horse! And it's such a blasted big horse, too!
Edith Potter: Weren't you going to Africa to shoot, Nancy?
Nancy Blake: As soon as my book's out.
Sylvia Fowler: I don't blame you. I'd rather face a tiger any day than the sort of things the critics said about your last book.
Sylvia Fowler: I'm devoted to Edith Potter, but she DOES get me down...
Sylvia Fowler: I don't need to sit around and act glum. When I think of what I've sacrificed for Howard Fowler!
Miriam Aarons: Such as what, Mrs. Fowler?
Sylvia Fowler: [Looks at Miriam] I gave him my youth!
Mary Haines: [Introduces them] This is the Countess DeLave... Mrs. Howard Fowler.
Countess DeLave: [Same time] How do you do?
Sylvia Fowler: [Same time] How do you do?
Mary Haines: And Miriam Aarons.
Miriam Aarons: How do you do?
Sylvia Fowler: [Looks closely at Miriam's flat chest] How do *you* do?
Olga: [while giving Mary a manicure] Well this Crystal Allen is a friend of mine, she's really a terrible man trap, soak it please. She's behind the perfume counter at Black's, so was I before I got fired... Uh, left.
Mary Haines: I think I got what Mrs. Fowler's friends come in for.
Sylvia Fowler: [Last lines] Mary Haines, don't you have any pride?
Mary Haines: No pride at all. That's a luxury a woman in love can't afford.
Mrs. Spencer's friend: [gasp] Good grief! I hate to tell you, dear, but your skin makes the Rocky Mountains look like chiffon velvet!
Nancy Blake: [looking at Sylvia Fowler's blouse] Great guns. What are you made up for? The Seeing Eye?
Peggy Day: He beats you. Lucy, how terrible.
Lucy: Ain't it. When you think of the lot of women on this ranch who need a beatin' more than I do.
Woman at party: So he says 'I gotta go home on Sunday.' So I says 'Why do you got to?' So he says 'they always expect me home on Easter Sunday.' So I say, 'what do they expect you to do? Lay an egg?'"
Mary Haines: I'll be doing the cooking so you know what he'll get.
Little Mary Haines: I know - indigestion.
Countess DeLave: Oh, l'amour, l'amour, how it can let you down. Hmm. How it can pick you up again.
Lucy: Them big, strong, red-headed men... they're fierce!
Crystal Allen: Say, listen, I've worked too hard to land this meal ticket to make any false moves now.
Countess DeLave: Oh, poor creatures. They've lost their equilibrium because they've lost their faith in love. Oh l'amour, l'amour.
Edith Potter: Oh, she can't help it. It's just her tough luck that she wasn't born deaf and dumb.
Miriam Aarons: Listen, sister, when are you going to get wise to yourself?
Crystal Allen: You noble wives and mothers bore the brains out of me. And I bet you bore your husbands, too.
Mary Haines: You are a hard one.
Crystal Allen: I can be soft on the right occasion.
Tough girl: I still say I'm gonna pull a gun on that guy. Just like I did on Judge McClure.
Sylvia Fowler: Ohh... What I go through to keep my figure and do I see red when some fat, lazy, dinner partner says: "What do you do with yourself all day Mrs. Fowler?"
Saleswoman: You can't trust any man. That's all they want!
Corset model: [innocently] What else have we got to give?
Nurse: One minute more, Mrs. Miller and you can breathe again.
Young girl: [barging in] Oh, I'm sorry. I'm looking for grandma.
[she wanders into the next room]
Young girl: Grandma isn't in there...
First Mudbath Woman: Well, she isn't in here... Oh! This tub has worms in it! I know it has worms! I can feel them!
Girl in a bath: They're probably more afraid of you than you are of them.
Young girl: Well, what's the matter with a little worm? Why, at Harvard and Yale they eat them...
Lucy: [singing] If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom, and never come up. Oh baby, oh baby, I've told you before, the more I drink whiskey, I love you the more! Oh baby, oh ba...
[gets cut off]
Countess DeLave: [Walks through the door] Oh, l'amour, l'amour!
Little Mary Haines: I don't understand grownups on the telephone. They all sound silly.
Mrs. Moorehead: Stephen is a man. He's been married ten years.
Mary Haines: Oh. You mean he's tired of me?
Mrs. Moorehead: Stephen's tired of himself. Tired of feeling the same things in himself. Time comes when a man's got to feel something new, and he's got to feel young again, just because he's growing old.
Mary Haines: Mother! Stephen isn't old!
Mrs. Moorehead: Of course not, but we women are so much more sensible. When we tire of ourselves, we change the way we do our hair, or hire a new cook, or... or decorate the house. I suppose a man could do over his office, but he never thinks of anything so simple. No, dear, a man has only one escape from his old self: to see a different self in the mirror of some woman's eyes.
Sylvia Fowler: Oh uh... is that umm... Crystal Allen across the hall?
Saleswoman: Yes she's a new customer. Do you know her? Has she a lot of money?
Sylvia Fowler: I think she knows where she can get a lot.
Crystal Allen: [answering phone] Hello? Oh, hello, Stephen.
Crystal Allen: What? Well uh... Don't worry, my sweet, I... Of course, I don't mind your breaking our engagement! Well, that is, I mind, of course, but it's such good discipline for my selfishness about you.
Pat: Holy mackerel, what a line!
Crystal Allen: [to Pat] Shut up, will ya?
Crystal Allen: [to Stephen] Well, I, uh... I was going to surprise you tonight, darling, and... and cook dinner myself in my little apartment.
Crystal Allen: Why, of course I can cook!
Pat: She thinks because Lulu's dark, he wont be able to see her!
Crystal Allen: [to Pat] Shhh!
Crystal Allen: [to Stephen] Oh, well, you don't know half my accomplishments...
Pat: I'll say he doesn't!
Crystal Allen: [to Pat] Will you get out of here?
Crystal Allen: [to Stephen] Oh... Oh, well, that's all right, Stephen; I'll save you a piece of the cake... with a candle on it. Ah, well, I didn't want to tell you before, Stephen, because I was afraid you might do something extravagant! Oh, it is dear of you to want to be with me on my birthday, but... I won't be lonely. No, honestly, I won't. And uh... if this weather lets up, my neuralgia will be better...
Crystal Allen: then maybe I can... Oh no! It's nothing. It's just nerves. I had a rather gloomy letter from home today. My little sister, she's not very well...
Pat: What's wrong with her? She got a hangover?
Crystal Allen: [ignoring Pat] But she'll be all right. Yes, I... I'm holding the thought. Oh, no, Stephen! I couldn't think of your disarranging your evening! I'll have another birthday next year!
Pat: You'll have another one next week!
Crystal Allen: [to Pat] Look, so help me, I'm gonna slug you!
Crystal Allen: [to Stephen] Oh, Stephen, if you could drop by for just a few moments and have a glass of sherry to my health. Oh, Stephen... Oh, I do need you so... Yes, dear... Yes, darling, I'll meet you on our corner in five minutes!
[sends kisses into the phone]
Crystal Allen: Goodbye!
Crystal Allen: [to Pat] Say, can you beat him? He almost stood me up for his wife!
Countess DeLave: Mary, you're not cross because my Buck's had a wee droppy too much?
Miriam Aarons: Don't be modest, Flora. Your ducky is stinko!
Countess DeLave: [sitting on Sylvia Fowler] Take it easy, Mrs. Fowler. I'm only trying to help in my own way.
Sylvia Fowler: Oh, you big moose!
Mrs. Moorehead: Besides, there's nothing like a good dose of being left alone to make a man appreciate his wife.
Mrs. Spencer's friend: Ooh, look at Sidney's miniatures.
Mrs. Spencer: Hmmm. Sure sign of a petty mind!
Receptionist: They've been waiting half and hour, Mrs. Spencer. Would you mind seeing the art exhibit later?
Mrs. Spencer: All right.
[to her friend]
Mrs. Spencer: Art exhibit my foot!
Mary Haines: The big fish aren't always the most important, you know.
Mrs. Moorehead: Don't forget that it's being together at the end that really matters. I'm an old woman, my dear. I know my sex.
Sylvia Fowler: The way you say that makes me feel like vermin.
Exercise instructress: That's shouldn't be much effort. I mean crawling up the wall.
Mrs. Moorehead: You mustn't kid mother, dear, I was a married woman before you were born, Mary.
Peggy Day: Edith, I think Sylvia is a perfectly dreadful woman and I'm going to tell her so.
Edith Potter: Oh, darling, she can't help it. It's her tough luck that she wasn't born deaf and dumb.
Mrs. Moorehead: Another piece of motherly advice. Don't confide in your girlfriends. If you let them advise you, they will see to it, in the name of friendship, that you lose your husband and your home.
Little Mary Haines: That's the only good thing about divorce. You get to sleep with your mother.